Every Single weekend
Hello all,
My fiance and I met two years ago. She has a 7 year old son. Because we were both divorced, we've been trapped in a small town. When we met, we agreed that we must leave. If either was unwilling to leave, it would be a deal breaker. We both got, somewhat back on our feet. I didn't move to the city I wanted to. Rather, I decided that she was important to me and that we would move to a lesser nearby city for the sake of the child and him getting to see his father.
The child is good. He is well behaved. He likes me. He loves his mom. His mom has always been the one that takes care of everything while the father had a more passive relationship, forgetful, irresponsible etc. The father makes more than the both of us combined, yet he is more than $6,000 behind in child support, and has recently stopped paying ANYTHING. In spite of being an empty nester myself, I've had no problem stepping in and being a positive force in this child's life. All I asked, is that the father to see his child a MINIMUM of every other weekend.
So we moved to this nearby lesser city. He agreed. A better school. A better home live. Better social opportunities, etc. Now, only AFTER we both arrive and start our new jobs, he files a motion in court, lying, pretending that he hasn't heard of any of this moving, and is trying to make a case for the child to remain with him in the small town.
The child may have ADHD, is very much behind in school. He needed to repeat 1st grade. Because of this fiasco, the child was disenrolled from his original school, and doesn't get to go to his new school. So, the judge has ordered that he stays in the small town until the matter can be resolved. He is in a crappy public school with low standards, is in 2nd grade and doing poorly, he sits in front of a TV, etc. The father is trying to get him medicated for his "behavioral problems."
And even worse, my fiance works long hours. I SHOULD be doing the same. I am so depressed I only take care of urgent things, letting important things slide one miserable day at a time. Weekends? I don't have any weekends because that is the ONLY time my fiance gets to see her son. And it may ALWAYS be that way if she loses. Further, even if she wins, I see no reason why the drama wouldn't continue with custody issues, appeals, etc.
*sigh* this is why you
*sigh* this is why you always get these type of deals agreed to in court.
Do you have anything from biodad in writing, via email or text saying he agrees to this move?
And FYI - while it would be nice that the biodad sees his son every other weekend, you can not force the NCP to take his visitation.
Hindsight is always 20/20.
Hindsight is always 20/20. Nothing is in writing explicitly. Yet there is email dialogue and text dialogue that implies that he agreed. My fiance's attorney said it is irrelevant; he can change his mind. Also, I am not concerned with the father taking visitation. He wants to see his son; he is just lazy. Everything is upside down. I was willing to have this child live with me most of the time. All I wanted was every other weekend. Well now, he is hardly ever here, and I have NO weekends. It truly sucks.
Another comment: all of these
Another comment: all of these particulars don't matter here; it is being worked out in court. The bottom line is, he WILL pay his child support, or go to jail. Concerning the child's future, it will go 1 of 2 ways
1. Here with good school, good social life, structure, etc. (and I have at least some weekends).
2. There with deadbeat dad, poor school, passive relationship, behavioral problems (and I never have a weekend).
And when it is finally decided, even if my fiance wins, then what next?
This sucks.
Even if your wife wins, that
Even if your wife wins, that doesn't guarantee you some kid free weekends. A NCP can't be forced into visitation. He may very well decide to only see the kid one weekend a month or just opt out all together.
I suppose EVERYTHING isn't
I suppose EVERYTHING isn't bad. Consider a few things:
1. Either one of us seriously doubts that he will opt out all together. It is difficult to explain. He wants to have something to do with his child, but he is very cheap and lazy. In his mind, he has replaced his ex-wife and now just wants to go on floating through life with his son by his side (sitting in front of a television).
2. Even if he opted out all together, that would be perfectly fine with me. Think about it. Our "problems" would then be no different than any other parent figures. People can, do, should, etc. get babysitters occasionally. As I said in the past, if things worked the way we wanted, the son may be with us 5 out of 7 days or even 12 out of 14 days. I would be fine with this!
I would be fine with him ALWAYS being here! 
The problem now is, he is ONLY here on the weekends. You can't blame a decent parent in that situation. It isn't reasonable to get babysitters to cover you when you are only seeing your child 2 out of 7 days.
I suppose EVERYTHING isn't
I suppose EVERYTHING isn't bad. Consider a few things:
1. Either one of us seriously doubts that he will opt out all together. It is difficult to explain. He wants to have something to do with his child, but he is very cheap and lazy. In his mind, he has replaced his ex-wife and now just wants to go on floating through life with his son by his side (sitting in front of a television).
2. Even if he opted out all together, that would be perfectly fine with me. Think about it. Our "problems" would then be no different than any other parent figures. People can, do, should, etc. get babysitters occasionally. As I said in the past, if things worked the way we wanted, the son may be with us 5 out of 7 days or even 12 out of 14 days. I would be fine with this!
I would be fine with him ALWAYS being here! 
The problem now is, he is ONLY here on the weekends. You can't blame a decent parent in that situation. It isn't reasonable to get babysitters to cover you when you are only seeing your child 2 out of 7 days.
I suppose EVERYTHING isn't
I suppose EVERYTHING isn't bad. Consider a few things:
1. Either one of us seriously doubts that he will opt out all together. It is difficult to explain. He wants to have something to do with his child, but he is very cheap and lazy. In his mind, he has replaced his ex-wife and now just wants to go on floating through life with his son by his side (sitting in front of a television).
2. Even if he opted out all together, that would be perfectly fine with me. Think about it. Our "problems" would then be no different than any other parent figures. People can, do, should, etc. get babysitters occasionally. As I said in the past, if things worked the way we wanted, the son may be with us 5 out of 7 days or even 12 out of 14 days. I would be fine with this!
I would be fine with him ALWAYS being here! 
The problem now is, he is ONLY here on the weekends. You can't blame a decent parent in that situation. It isn't reasonable to get babysitters to cover you when you are only seeing your child 2 out of 7 days.
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Well, *actually*.... YOU can
Well, *actually*.... YOU can have as many weekends as you like. You may just have to have them elsewhere or require your gal to have hers elsewhere. There are options.
YEah, that's not an option
YEah, that's not an option for us: hence the problem.
Well, it IS an option. Just
Well, it IS an option. Just one neither of you like, That's on you, not Dad.
Babysitter one night on the w/e is another option. Seems y'all don't like that one, either.
Sorry.
I would think the emails and
I would think the emails and texts would help since he is saying he didn't know about the move. Also, you should be able to somehow prove that the school/home/etc is better for him. As far as him trying to put the kid on meds to control his behavior, I would think that could be used against him, as well. Especially if this new school has resources to help him. Good luck! As a mother, I would be furious if my ex tried to pull a stunt like that!
You would think. Based on
You would think. Based on what I am learning in this legal mess, things are rarely intuitive. An entirely separate issue. Worst case? My fiance loses. Then there are no weekends. And then the deadbeat dad owes money. So then we get to focus on that with our miserable lives.
My situation is similar in
My situation is similar in that my so only sees skid at weekends. I find it so difficult because he's so clingy and feel like third wheel and as a result never get any quality time with so. Our bm as a result gets more time with her so than I get with mine when I have no children of my own. It's very hard because it would just be nice to have some time with so which you deserve.