About how immature and conniving can H's daughter possibly get?
Yesterday was another of H's family events :sick: and I am feeling more and more that H's daughter is really sneakily PASing SGS against me. I know they are little things and at the end of the day I remind myself how wonderful disengagement is 
but as petty and minor as this post will seem, just wanted a little vent about the sheer immaturity level of her :sick:
At one point in the evening SGS is playing a game where he is 'burying' H under a pile of pillows (throwing the pillows on top of H). Then H will joke around pretending he can't breathe and SGS will "dig" him out. This is repeated over and over and over LOL. I'm sitting on the end of the sofa watching this go on with everyone else in the room who is getting a big kick out of it. Then SGS suddenly says to me "I need your help" and wants me to help him bury H (I was just thrilled the kid wasn't completely ignoring me as usual) It was cute. So we bury H by throwing pillows on him together and digging him out etc... etc... then SGS tells H to tickle me while he burys me under the pillows (Now I'm totally included in the game ) But as soon as SGS is having a hoot "burying" me, H's daughter says "SGS, no more throwing the pillows please" I thought ya, of course, you don't want to encourage SGS to warm up to me at all }:)
At the same time, H's daughter will make a big deal of anything involving SGS and any member of the 'blood' family, me absolutely excluded of course }:) For example, during dinner I hear a little voice saying "Grandma Disillusioned, Grandma, Grandma Disillusioned" the child was under the table calling up to me to play peek a boo LOL H's daughter is right beside me at the table and can hear and see this. I do the old "where's SGS, oh there he is!!" routine the kid loves. I know if it were H or FIL or H's sister H's daughter would make such a big deal about "SGS's calling you, how cute, etc... etc... " but because it's me she ignores it like it's not happening...then a few minutes later SGS calls out to H's sister (same routine/same game) As soon as that happens, H's daughter says LOUDLY "auntie SGS is calling you, Auntie SGS wants to play with you"
So, so childish!!
H's daughter will also do this when SGS asks for H. Example; SGS has sort of this funny habit that if someone gets up to leave the room he's in he will immediately ask where that person went. So H had stepped out of the living room to help his sister with something and SGS asks "where grandpa H go?" H's daughter immediately starts calling out to H saying "Grandpa H, SGS is asking for you" then says how SGS "is asking for H non-stop" Now, I was right beside SGS and he hadn't been asking for H "non-stop". He asked once. Total lie from H's daughter, exaggerations of SGS wanting other family members while ignoring, downplaying or outright stopping the same situation with me and SGS. Okay I warned you this post would be ridiculous!
When I left the room to use the washroom SGS did the same thing, asking where I went. Not only did I hear him ask but H mentioned it to me later and how cute it was. Of course, H's daughter didn't make any big deal about that at all
H's daughter, while she pretends to be nice and polite to me all evening carries on this nonsense where SGS and I are concerned. AND, then she adds to it by standing right smack in front of me and saying to H only, "Dad look at SGS first try out, look at his little sports uniform" I know she only says "Dad" when standing right beside me so I hear it but of course am not included, to further rub in my face that she considers me nothing, invisible and will persist in trying to get to me.
I heard H tell her, "show Disillusioned as well" but I had already turned to talk to SSIL and make sure I was showing how happily not effected I was by her snub, but already having a lovely discussion with someone else (still don't get what SSIL sees in her, he is such a super nice guy and treats me like gold)
Thank goodness for disengagement!
Ha ha ha ha....I get this ALL
Ha ha ha ha....I get this ALL the time
Grandstepkid will say where's doingitforlove going? And no answer from the mother...Grandpa goes, it's a big deal. I even think Stepkid even tells grandstepkid not to make a move or say anything when I come in the door because before grandstepkid would make a huge deal when I came in and now gsk doesn't.
Stepkid ignores me all day all night.
Does your DH even acknowledge the ice from his DD to you? My DH is in that river in Egypt, oh what's that called, oh yeah, de nile......
You are too funny
You are too funny doingitforlove! Denial is right
H acknowledges his daughter's past history of bad behavior towards me, but now she pretends to be civil and nice...will actually try to engage me in the odd non "family" discussion. She's even had a recent and sudden change of heart about SGS simply calling me Disillusioned and instead refers to me as Grandma Disillusioned to him
So H sees this and all appears to him that she is behaving civilly and maturely. When he says that to me I remind him of how she refuses to treat me in any way like family, and her little tricks with SGS where I'm concerned. Of course, H doesn't comment on these things!
Yes, he's on the river in Egypt too!
My Skid doesn't even speak to
My Skid doesn't even speak to me, we haven't spoken but 2 sentences in 8 years (and yes stepkid lives with us, like OMG right, am I a glutton for total dysfunction?)
Lately skid has taken to only letting stepgrandkid "upstairs" to play while I'm out. It's all of a sudden time to go do something when I get back home. With lies like "I have a present for you" or "we'll go to the fun place" and of course there's no present or no going to the fun place.
And stepgrandkid isn't allowed to have any dessert treats that I may have baked, but is allowed full-on sugar cereal, sugar fruit squishy candy, ice cream, etc. Sh*t why not just pour the sugar from the bag into stepgrandkid mouth while saying they can't have something I made because it's "sugar junk food". At least the total hypocrisy could be caught on camera for objective viewers.
This sounds like something my
This sounds like something my SD would do! I think they do this little conniving crap because A. It's not traceable because it's so passive aggressive. If you say anything about it to people who aren't step parents, you are the one who comes off looking petty. Those of us who've been through it know the truth! B. these "kids" don't have the balls to do anything directly. Now, there are some who will, but the ones you're dealing with and those that I deal with, don't have the balls to confront for real. Beyond frustrating!
I would love to not go to
I would love to not go to these functions MarieJeanne, but I do this to support not only my H, but my FIL would not understand if I didn't show. My FIL has been so wonderful to me I just can't do that to him
The best I can do in this situation is remain as disengaged from H's daughter as possible. I don't participate in any conversations she has nor do ever try to engage her in one. I'm polite and civil but avoid her entirely. Lately she makes a show of trying to engage me in discussion about non family related things. I politely respond and that's it. I also don't try to force myself on SGS either. If he comes to me, which he actually did a few times yesterday, great
but otherwise I engage myself with people I feel comfortable with (FIL, YSD, SSIL and H of course)
I generally avoid saying anything to H about his family unless it's something pleasant. I can talk easily about YSD because she's a wonderful respectful girl and love little SGS to bits but I never mention much about H's eldest daughter because I feel nothing nice towards her. However, I did speak about this with H today. He agreed it's going on, H apologized that his daughter is treating me like this. I felt better just knowing he knows what she's doing. I worried he would think I was so petty myself for bringing it up but I figure when someone is setting me up to look bad, there's where I draw the line, I will stand up and call a spade a spade.
Other than that, nothing more I can do but remain disengaged. And have the satisfaction of knowing that while H's daughter is laughing to herself plotting against me and thinking no one is on to her but everyone is thinking poorly of me, I'm laughing to myself knowing that the more she does it the more H's eyes are open to her }:) orchestration
It's so awesome that your DH
It's so awesome that your DH sees what's going on. That's huge!
I get this from my skids too
I get this from my skids too -- I'll be sitting right there and they make a point of saying "Dad....." -- so as to not include me in the conversation. Whatever.
BUT with the SGKids, it sounds like the kid really likes you, so you love on him and you can become his favorite. Sneak him candy, goodies, juice, etc. -- be the "fun" grandma! haha! We do that when my DH's grandson comes over -- his mom will say "I don't want him having juice." So we give him juice! lol She just wants him to have water or milk. I water down the juice and do limit it, but good grief -- we're not the parents
I get him special toys that we keep at OUR house, that he can play with when he gets here. It's all stuff he doesn't have at home -- so he looks forward to coming over 
They may not like me -- but HE does! At least so far.
^^^This is awesome! I hope I
^^^This is awesome! I hope I get to spoil DHs gson someday. Right now, the child is 13 months old and has been at our house once.
Thanks keepitsimplestupid,
Thanks keepitsimplestupid, whatamess and that is too funny momof5_1969...think I will try some of that secret spoiling stuff for sure
This seems to happen a lot
This seems to happen a lot with my skids too. DH has 4 kids age 30 27 25 and 22 then we have one bio together. I have two adult children from a previous marriage. My kids treat DH great. Call to wish him Happy fathers day, birthday and so forth. I get absolutely nothing from skids. On the rare occasion I get a happy birthday on facebook. Other than that nothing. Does it bother me yes. Should it probably not. So skid age 27 has a 21 month old daughter she is only 6 months older than Dh and my bio daughter. When ever we are around her its always papa this and papa that. I am biodaughters names mom. That is how I am addressed to step g daughter. Give that to "name's" mom.She is jealous I think that I had a child with her dad.. Out of the 4 kids only one pays any attention to their step sister our bio daughter. My dh literally picks up our daughter and hands them to skids because they don't really pay attention to her.. my kids on the other hand love an dote on her. I had addressed this with dh before snd tthat's why DH forces our daughter on them.
My lovely brat of a SD came
My lovely brat of a SD came over last summer for the day to visit with her toddler. DH and I drove an hour to pick her up because she has a suspended license and no car. So, she doesn't speak a word to me during the whole drive. I tried to engage her in conversation and twice I got one word answers;that's it. So we get home with the bitch and the kid and she talks and smiles with my father, my 3 children, DH and completely ignored me. Even my father and my kids noticed it. Of course when I tried to tell DH he said things like "oh she didn't mean it" "she must be tired", "you're being too sensitive", "I didn't notice"; you get the idea. The month before I had helped her with an emergency mental health issue. Even her BM called me and thanked me for helping her. All was good and then she comes for the second visit and I get ignored. This was really weird but of course, according to DH, it's all in my mind. I know it wasn't because my father noticed it and asked me why she was mad at me. After the way I was treated like this, I then had the distinct pleasure of driving her an hour back home. Yes, 4 hours on the road in 1day in order to please princess. The visit was per her request and of course DH couldn't say "no". She even told us what time she wanted us at her place to pick her up :jawdrop: and when we were 15 minutes late had the audacity to keep calling my DH and would get all impatient with him. Excuse me bitch, you're the one with no car--who's fault is that. Well, fast-forward a few months. Finally DH gets the balls to question the 30 year old brat. Lo and behold she does have a problem with me. So, now DH knows its true, she was being rude and finally he is acknowledging that princess was being a bitch By the way, she couldn't provide a legitimate reason for being mad at me and treating me like that. Finally DH sees the spoiled, entitled little bitch of a person she really is. It's about time.
So, I know how you feel. Good luck with your situation
I know what you mean. I went
I know what you mean. I went through this so often I lost count of the times SD did this. And I got the old, "oh she didn't mean it" "she must be tired", "you're being too sensitive", "I didn't notice" or "you're making her uncomfortable." When DH was finally asked for specifics like, "How was I beign too sensitive" or "give me an instance when I made SD uncomfortable", he didn't have an answer. Then I added, "I CAN come up with specifics of when SD had made me uncomfortable and I have witnesses." My DH has never had the guts to confront SD so I had to do it myself to save my sanity. Now if DH ever tried to give me that crap he suffer the consequences - and it wouldn't be good.
I like the way you throw it
I like the way you throw it back at him. I'm going to remember that. For now, the psychotic brat has disappeared and it's been wonderful. No more of her and her crazy mother bothering us. Yes, she's in her early 30's and her crazy mother would call DH (even though they've been divorced for 20+ years) and consult DH on princesses latest screw up/drama. Baby princess has no sense of responsibility, makes more stupid mistakes than the average 15 year old and she is entitled beyond belief. She's an emotional cripple with a capital "C". I can't stand her and I'm so glad she's gone. She had a tantrum and told daddy off because he stopped pumping her full of money. Oh well. DH and I don't fight anymore now that she has told her father she never wants to see him again.