Should kids eat what's being served or is that old fashioned thinking?
My spouse has two kids - a boy and a girl aged 9 and 11.
Both kids have horrible eating habits and are extremely picky. Like with all other demands, the BM finds it easier to cave in than to take the battles and try to learn the kids about proper nutrition. As a consequence most of the kids' solids consist of nothing but carbs like rice or toast.
One might argue that I could just turn the blind eye, however, I am the one doing 80% of the household chores including fixing breakfast, dinner, grocery shopping, do the dishes, walk the dog etc. etc. Now the kids have convinced the BM that they simply can't eat anything for breakfast but noodles and bacon! Cereal or bread is out of the question, so just to keep them fed and happy, mom provides.
First of all, I'm tired of cleaning up after them and the mess they daily leave behind for me to take care of in the kitchen. Second, I find it so irresponsible that BM lets the kids take charge. When I was a kid, I ate what was put in front of me or I went to bed hungry. Maybe that's out of fashion? Maybe it's even wrong? I dunno! All I do know is that kids today have all the saying and bio parents don't have the guts to take charge because "what if it hurts my child's abilities to take own decision..."
End of rant - for now!
You have said you are a
You have said you are a teacher and you added an e to potato??
The teacher is a
The teacher is a man....
State / Province
Stockholm
Country
Sweden
Parental Status
Stepfather
Bio
37 years old.
No biological children.
Moved to Sweden in 2010 to live with my gf and her two children.
No, the poster, I want out.
No, the poster, I want out.
The OP is a man. He lives
The OP is a man.
He lives with BM and her kids.
Her kids her choice. You
Her kids her choice.
You can't force her to parent her kids your way. She can't force you to clean up behind them. Stop doing 80% of the house work.
I just reread the OP. How
I just reread the OP. How can you complain about the kids eating nothing but carbs,(rice and toast)then vent about them refusing to eat cereal or bread for breakfast?:?
You're missing the point.
You're missing the point. You're right about toast and cereal are carb bombs too. But that's one meal of the day - it's not very many who eat chicken breasts or just eggs in the morning. Nothing wrong with oats or pbj sandwiches.
That I mentioned the rice and bread was just examples of their poor eating habits. They don't eat anything the entire day that's of any positive nutritional value.
My beef (and point if you will) was that I am sick and tired of cleaning up mess in combination with just standing by watching the kids becoming more and more picky.
So stop cleaning up behind
So stop cleaning up behind them.
You can't force BM to change her parenting style to please you.
I don't eat what I don't
I don't eat what I don't like, I don't expect the skids to eat what they don't like. I really don't understand why this topic continues to be such an issue.
At our house if you don't like what DH makes or what I make, then they make pbJ sandwiches or they make a grilled cheese they make for them selves and clean up.
Why do you expect a child to eat what they don't like? Do you?
When I met DH almost 5 yrs ago, I thought his kids were very picky eaters. I still think they are picky but I don't press the food issue and guess what they have tried some new things that they now like.
In time they will change so will you, let it go they will not starve. Give them a multi vitamin and be done with it.
And by the way just because you ate what was put in front of you doesn't make it right especially for a child that is not yours.
And stop cleaning up after children that you did not bring into this world. Let their parent take care of them.
In general, I agree you have
In general, I agree you have a point. Here's my question though; what about when the child is a guest, and objects to the meal being served by the hostess? If he/she hasn't learned to eat unappealing foods, how will he/she avoid being insulting? Case in point, eating at colleage's homes when traveling on business. I know my ability to smile and graciously accept repugnant foods ( up to and including live termites, served to me in Africa) has kept me from committing serious career-limiting faux pas at multiple points in my career.
THIS I will never understand
THIS
I will never understand the food wars someone people seem hell bent on fighting.
...the question becomes is
...the question becomes is this the hill you want to die on...?
The funny thing about kids - they are preprogramed, generally, to eat when they are hungry and to get as much as they need - somehow even in the pickiest eaters their little bodies manage to get as much as they need. My DD8 was such a good eater - laterly shes a nightmare - I dont like this or that - pizza! but will eat Calzones (which she describes as being exactly like pizza but not pizza...)
I would let BM deal with them. As for the clean up - not you problem - perhaps this is one of those chores you have to have a family meeting about, but otehrwise, sometimes turning a blind eye is easier...
Hey I_want_out I feel your
Hey I_want_out
I feel your pain. When my SS moved in with me he had horrible eating habits. My DW also shared the same mentality as your spouse. She didn't believe in forcing kids to eat what was served. The thing is, if kids are not educated and learn good eating habits they will eat candies and chocolate all the time. I reached my breaking point when DW allowed SS to waste an entire meal I had dutifully prepared and DW allowed him to eat not just one but TWO bowls of ice cream after dinner.
Things have changed. SS is still picky but much less so. SS still wastes food but not as often. So my first advice to you is to talk to your spouse and show bucket-loads of patience. Good manners and good eating habits takes a lot of time and effort and if you are both willing to apply it then your two steps will learn. Bring the kids shopping and let them choose (within reason) breakfast foods for them to eat. Kids tastes do change over time. The other thing I did with my SS was that I removed all distractions from the dinner table. No toys and the TV is off.
The other thing that helped is that DW was forced to buy, prepare and cook dinner once. When SS didn't want to eat, DW ERUPTED. She finally understood how frustrating it was for me so now she is completely on board with dinner-time rules.
Thank you for that excellent
Thank you for that excellent reply with constructive ideas!
You're right on the money - your situation sounds exactly like mine.
I will try and approach my spouse gently with this. Like most bio parents, I guess, she's pretty sensitive when it comes to criticism directed towards the kids.
There's another reason why I'm so keen on getting better quality foods into these kids - especially ss. He seems very hyperactive and has a real hard time focusing on even simple stuff, and I don't think the high insulin spikes all the sugar and fast carbs are providing is helping him.
Hmmm...My SS was a bit like
Hmmm...My SS was a bit like that. Very hyperactive....He couldn't even remember topics of conversations that HE started (which I thought was totally bizare but DW thought was normal). After a year of "gentle" nudges and having talked to doctos and SS's teachers DW finally consented to getting SS tested. Turns out he has ADHD.
So yeah, be gentle, don't critize, but be consistent and firm, especially since you have an interest in wanting to actually help these kids out.
To add to Drac0's excellent
To add to Drac0's excellent advice:
I make a dinner list or menu for the week before I go grocery shopping. It helps me make my grocery list and I hang it on the refrigerator two days before I go grocery shopping. This way my boyfriend and his son will see it and can ask to make changes to it before I do the shopping. Everyone gets a favorite meal one night of the week and the rest are healthy things I choose. My SS's favorite meal is tacos or anything with chicken. So on taco or chicken nights I'll make two extra tacos or an extra chicken breast and save it for a night when he might not like what we're having. This way I can just pop it in the microwave and it's no extra time or big mess. However, vegetables are non-negotiable in our house so that's rarely a problem.
I hope this advice helps!
I had this fight with my SO
I had this fight with my SO when we first got together among others.... We also had concerns with what happens when we have kids we dont want them having different rules! What it came down to is our house our rules. I see no problems if you are making the meals to make them and if they dont like it they dont eat. No picking out your own food period. However, for something such as breakfast where everyone eats something different they are allowed to choose.. I actually ended up giving my sd a small portion of her dinner before she got breakfast in the past. She realized very quickly that we meant business! Kids will eat when they are hungry. As adults we choose not to what what we dont want because we have jobs that pay for the food and we prepare it. If I go eat dinner at someones house I dont request what is made and refuse to eat if I dont like it thats a social taboo! I suppose they could have the option to buy a pandj sandwich with allowance funds... I actually really like that idea.. That being said in speaking with your so I am sure she can make a decision she can feed her kids and do the cleanup or you can adress this much like a "normal ie not step" family would, as a united team. Again your house your rules!
Glad I'm not the only one
Glad I'm not the only one dealing with this. I was alone with my stepkids tonight (ages 13 and 14, but I should have gotten a sitter). I made dinner, called them to the kitchen twice, and was ignored. At 9:30, one of them comes to the kitchen and wants to know if there's anything for dinner. I pointed to the chicken and broccoli that I cooked, right there on the counter. He went and called his mother, who promptly ordered a pizza to be delivered to my house.
Why weren't they with her in the first place, you ask? Because she's too selfish and couldn't be bothered to deal with them on a night that she isn't scheduled to have them.
Will my husband back me up when the kids and the ex-wife complain? Let's see...
^^^THIS! My mother was the
^^^THIS! My mother was the sane way as am I.
Depending on their visitation
Depending on their visitation schedule, they are old enough to clean up after themselves. If your SO is on board with giving them structure, start a "Daily Responsibilities" chart (I prefer this to chores) and before they can begin their hobbies after meal time, they should be cleaning their own area with a wash cloth, washing their dishes, and if you see fit the dishes used to prepare the meal, and such so that the area looks as clean as it did before they started eating it. I would introduce new nutritional food in appropriate portions and maybe introduce whole wheat noodles cooked relatively the same way in smaller portions. Then, let them choose what to eat. The important thing here too is to limit snacks and schedule snack time. If they don't eat their whole meal and then get a snack right after, they aren't learning much.
Really, you need to discuss these steps with SO. She has to help establish these new rules and you need her support wanting the best for skids. If she doesn't mind them eating malnourished meals and a messy house, then neither should you. She can prepare the meals and clean if she wants to
I had this problem early on
I had this problem early on as well. It used to drive me nuts as I really like to cook and make delicious and varied meals. The kid is picky beyond belief but hey, so many are, right? I was as well.
I stopped cooking for her. My SO makes something she likes. I make food for us. Period. And I won't clean up after here either. End of story.
I am not responsible for what
I am not responsible for what the kid eats or doesn't eat. I am not the parent. I make great meals. The kid hates everything I make so I wont cook for her anymore. Better for me. My SO has to do it.