It depends on the age. How old are the kids and what kind of things are they doing?

I agree it depends on the age. The word discipline is often used interchangeably with punishment. Discipline literally means to teach. That was always my goal. I never spanked my kids but am strict in a lot of ways.

When my kids were really young I read a book "Natural and Logical Consequences" The basic premise was let the punishment fit the crime and avoid protecting your kids (within reason) from the consequences of their actions. The your expectations and consequences should also be consistent with the child's age and cognitive ability. Physical punishment was never OK.

Natural consequence = I told you if you don't take care of your things they wouldn't last. Now you don't have that anymore.
Logical consequence = you didn't pick up your toys after using them, so to help you remember for rest of the day you can't use them.
Mixed consequence = If you run in the house you will get hurt or break something. I'm sorry you hurt yourself, hopefully next time you will remember. Or you broke moms lamp so now you will have to do extra chores, lose TV etc to help you remember.

When a child is very young (2-5), you have to remember they really may not remember that you told them not to do something yesterday. They learn by repetition so important things have to be repeated over and over. In this case reminding them not to do it and WHY is enough. When they make progress not matter how small praise them. "I'm so proud of you for putting all of your toys away, now we won't trip on them" There is nothing more upsetting to me than to see a parent yell at or strike a very young child while saying "I've told you not to leave your toys out" Imagine if you were struck every-time you forgot something.

As they get older, and there memory and understanding improves the expectations and consequences become more complicated. The goal is to raise kids who cause and effect and have the tools needed to make good decisions.

There are times when "talking" is appropriate. IMO, I use "talking" if I really feel like it is something that they didn't know better. We are parents and our job is to teach them how to behave before we can hold expectations about their behavior. So, at younger ages I would use "talking" for things like table manners, respecting other people when they are talking and not interrupting, acting a certain way in the library or church vs. the playground or backyard. For older kids, things like internet/texting safety I would definitely talk to them prior to use and not give them "free reign" and discuss consequences for behavior outside of parental consequences. Once I feel that the expectation has been set and they "know" how to behave, I would then move on to consequences. When DH and I moved in together we discussed prior what our expectations are and laid them out to the kids. We try and have family meetings once every couple months sort of like progress reports and tell them what they have been doing well and give them things they need to work on and some type of reward if they improve.

Effective punishments in our home based on age have been time out, plenty of ways to do this; stand in the corner, sit on the stairs, go to your room, it's really a matter of parental preference. For things like missing homework or poor behavior in school usually results in the loss of something at home; video games, playing outside etc. For things like disrespect/talking back we subtract time off of their bedtime.

The main thing with any consequences is consistency. If you only punish a behavior on the days that you are stressed or tired rather than all of the time, it will not be an expected behavior, kids will see it as a "sometimes it's okay" behavior and won't try very hard to correct it, may even use it as a way to get attention.

I am not a mushy cushy granola mom/stepmom, but positive reinforcement is a great way to shape behavior. Consequences are effective, but they do need to know when they are doing a good job so that they don't turn to negative behavior for attention. We don't go overboard with praise, but around report card time if everyone did well, we might take them to a movie or something equivalent. If everyone practices table manners and cleans up after dinner I will usually make a desert, and tell them it's because they were so good. If we have a lot of errands to run on a particular day that involve a lot of places I will plan the store for the last one and tell them they can each get something small like a candy bar or all four can pick out a board game for the family as long as all four behave during the other errands

Negative consequences for negative behavior and positive cconsequences for positive behavior.

FDH and I do this with SD, granted she's only 3. But it seems to be working well.

My SIL&BIL have a twelve and eleven year old. And if they act out no video games for the night. If they continue the behavior the consequences become grater (ie no video games for the week, early bedtimes, no TV, ect.) There was one time (SIL&BIL are also a blended family 12yo is his 11yo is hers) the boys were arguing and got physical with one another, they made the boys 'hug' it out. Lol. It works very well for them. They have some of the most well behaved kids I know. Also after the kids get the consequence do they discuss what they did wrong and how to improve their behavior. (We also do this with SD when she comes out of time-out FDH or myself ask SD why she was in time-out and how she can not go in time-out anymore.) I think it help when you have THEM explain why they were in the wrong.