While MIL was still living, most of H's family events were hosted at his parent's place. I always gave MIL a hand with whatever I could; serving appetizers, calling everyone to dinner, conveying MIL's seating arrangement at the dinner table, helping her tidy up after dinner etc.. etc..

Sometimes while running around and helping her I would be in total :jawdrop: :O at how H's sister and his daughters would sit on their butts and do nothing - that is but exclude me and plot up ways to make me feel uncomfortable of course }:)

When MIL passed away, FIL relied on DH and I do a lot at the family functions which he continued to host in the family home. But this was only initially after MIL was gone. Then H's sister out of blue completely changed everything one day so that she was dictating everything. I was not considered, consulted or even remotely included in any of the planning or "family" activities. And H's sister would do this very deliberately by waiting until I was seated right in the same room as her and H's daughters and then they would loudly plan the 'family event' together without so much as a word to me. On the day of the get together H's sister would have all of the family - that is everyone but me - busy doing something....hoping I'm sure to make me feel excluded and uncomfortable }:)

I've always taken it in stride and look at the huge positive - I get to stand around and look at her run around and stress out while I enjoy a glass of wine and sit on my butt

But things have really gotten ridiculous with her little controlling power trip now. Since FIL has moved into a smaller place and doesn't have the room to host the events, H's sister has forced everyone to cram uncomfortably in her place instead. Both myself and H's eldest have much more room (and quite frankly do a much better job of hosting it)

For FIL's birthday recently not only did H's sister dictate every single little detail including correcting me at where I sat at the table (H told me to come sit beside him only to be loudly told no, I was not beside him....she was) anyway, I was confused as to why the family got together last weekend for this when FIL's birthday is this weekend. H tells me that FIL is busy on his birthday. I say wow, what's he doing? I then learn that H's sister is taking FIL out for his birthday :?

WHY I ask would the family not be taking FIL out for his birthday :? Why would the family all have to celebrate with FIL a week prior, so H's sister can do a private birthday lunch with FIL on the day of his birthday :?

Not only does H's sister exclude me from ever remotely feeling like family, but now she is excluding her actual blood family from her little "family" (FIL and her alone) events.

So weird, H is FIL's son, and the eldest. Why would he not be having a birthday lunch with them on FIL's birthday?