DH insisted on a bday party for SD5
And I think it's going to blow up in his face.
Historically, we let BM run the show with the big fancy parties. She likes the attention; we don't want the drama.
DH decided this year that he'd like to throw a party for SD5 anyway. We have her the weekends prior to and following her bday (it falls on a Wednesday). So he booked Chuck E Cheese's for Saturday afternoon.
He took the invitations to the school today for SD5 to hand out to her friends. I'm assuming the teacher will likely send any leftovers home with SD5. Which means BM will get all the info on the party.
If she has the info, she will show up. I can almost guarantee it. DH didn't even consider what would happen with extra invites .. so now he's all freaked out about it. I've washed my hands of it. He insisted on the party, so he can handle the drama. He knows that I'm not above skipping the event altogether .. I don't like Chuck E Cheese's at all in the first place!
He didn't even tell BM? Wow,
He didn't even tell BM? Wow, this is going to blow up in his face big time. BM is going to make this party hell...
Why would he tell her? She
Why would he tell her? She doesn't tell him when she throws parties. We hear about it from the kids. They've never coordinated on any parties in the past, for anything.
Hmmm, well if she doesn't
Hmmm, well if she doesn't tell him, then I guess it is whatever. I always do the parties for my kids but I tell their dad and he is invited.
Do you invite BM to the
Do you invite BM to the parties you throw for your skids (or would you)?
I can't imagine any situation where we'd intentionally invite that level of drama to one of the skid's b-day parties. This is also the reason we've mostly avoided throwing big parties altogether.
Yep, we invite her and her
Yep, we invite her and her sisters and GrandBM. We also invite SS's 1/2 sister who lives with her dad.
It is like this at our house
It is like this at our house as well. Whoever has them on their BDAY (somehow always ends up the BM but I digress) we are all invited. They would never be so ugly as to not invite DH and they know if he comes, I come.
I know that I am a lucky exception to actually get along with my BMs though, some of the stories I see on here.... SHEEEESH!
It must be nice to have a BM
It must be nice to have a BM that's not such a control freak. We're talking about a woman who won't even leave the second copy of paperwork from SD7's teacher in her backpack for him to retrieve when she comes over .. because it makes her too much of a "middle man" and she thinks that's excessive contact.
If she were reasonable, I'm sure DH would consider joint parties. It's just not realistic to expect that to happen. Which is precisely why we typically avoid the parties altogether.
Its nice but it makes me feel
Its nice but it makes me feel like total crap when I read some of these posts.
It's really sad how you can be mature enough to shove something out of your vah-jay-jay but you can't be mature enough to be good parents together. KWIM?
The people playing tug-of-war with these kids need to realize that tug-of-war is always hardest on the rope.
No doubt .. it's the kids who
No doubt .. it's the kids who suffer. While I don't encourage joint activities between DH and BM for drama reasons, I'm not oblivious to the fact that the skids are growing up seeing their parents avoid each other at all costs, except in some situations, which result in drama and awkwardness all around.
I couldn't imagine growing up like that .. knowing my parents hated each other. It sucks for these kids.
I am fine with BM, SS on the
I am fine with BM, SS on the other hand... and honestly me and my exH have a horrible relationship. He is very verbally abusive toward me at all times. I still invite him but we just stay away from each other and he doesn't stay long.
Extra invitations going home
Extra invitations going home to BMs or not, do you really think SD5 wouldn't have told her mom about the party? Is your DH that dense? She's 5! She's having a party at Chuck E Cheese! YEE HAW!!! Of course she's going to be so excited she'll be telling EVERYONE about it!
Of course she'll tell her.
Of course she'll tell her. However, I seriously doubt SD5 knows or cares about the exact date, time, and specific Chuck E Cheese location (there are 3 within 20 minutes of her school). THAT is the info that BM gets with the extra invites.
Otherwise, she just hears from skids that SD5 is having a b-day party .. just like we've heard about every party she's thrown, sans details.
DH knows full well that if
DH knows full well that if she shows up, it's right out the front door for me.
I honestly don't know how parents stomach Chuck E Cheese's .. I've been to a handful of parties of there for nephews and such and swore I'd NEVER do that to other parents!! LOL .. DH apparently disagrees
I took my kids to a party at
I took my kids to a party at Chuck E Cheese's once....
My kids both ended up with strep, pink eye, and I'm even willing to bet (based on incubation time) they were exposed to the chickenpox there, since they both broke out with it soon after.
Since it was over an extended vacation period, they hadn't been in daycare or at school, and nobody else in our house was sick.
A virtual petri dish of fun, I tell ya.....
Oh goodness .. even more to
Oh goodness .. even more to look forward to!
Well if BM shows up , kindly
Well if BM shows up , kindly ask her to keep it strictly G rated for the sake of the other children. As for DH, he shouldn't freak out, he wanted to throw his little girl a bday party. Nothing wrong with that. BM will just have to get over it.
It's unlikely that BM will
It's unlikely that BM will even acknowledge DH. She will likely show up early and take over the party as if the whole thing was her plan, effort, and money. That's just how she is.
She will likely treat DH like the deadbeat dad who showed up to crash HER party.
Saying anything to her or trying to stop her would, without a doubt, result in a very big scene.
I'd like to hope that her new boyfriend/husband and baby-on-the-way would calm her down .. but I'm not naïve enough to make such an assumption.
Omg that is exactly what our
Omg that is exactly what our BM would do. She always has to be the centre of attention and the fun mum. It drove me up the wall in the days when I still had to see her at these events, while also making me feel slightly small, like DH was being elbowed to the side and I was being elbowed out of the picture altogether.
CALL THE SCHOOL!!! Our BM's
CALL THE SCHOOL!!! Our BM's sound much alike although I dont know if BM would show up. She might to be honest nothing surprises me with that woman. She used to try to do one bday party alot infact last year she refused access because DBF did not show up to HER party. DBF goes to special events such as graduations where they dont have to talk we can sit seperately. The sad thing is we just dont know what BM will do so its almost safer for the kids to not have to see them together in the same room. BM will be a charming person one day and start a huge raging fight standing over the kids the next.
Good luck hope BM does not crash your DH's party. It would be nice for him to be able to do something for SD on his own.
If she shows I think I'd ask
If she shows I think I'd ask her to leave- it's dh's time- apparently there is some conflict here. If she refuses perhaps a word with the manager of chuckeys would work. M
I think in an ideal world divorced parents should have just have one joint party for their kids bday. Dh tried to get bm to do that many moons again- stating that she was uncomfortable with it. So my skid then proceeded to have two large bday parties for much of his childhood- we stopped doing big parties for him when he moved out at 9.
It's perfectly ok for your dh to have a party for her. If he is that worried about the excess invitations going home- perhaps he could call the school and speak to the teacher and just let her know he needs any excess back to give to others and he can run and pick the up
There's no way for him to get
There's no way for him to get ahold of the teacher before class is dismissed and kids go home today. He could call the front office, but I doubt they'd interrupt the class to let the teacher know not to send home extra invites, KWIM?
It was an oversight on DH's part .. and he may or may not have to deal with the consequences of it. We'll see what happens
ETA: We're hoping the teacher realizes that DH driving 45 miles to the school this morning to hand deliver the invites is signal enough to hold onto any extras. But without explicit instruction, we can't make that assumption.
LOL .. that's what DH said.
LOL .. that's what DH said. He said if she shows up acting like she's running things, he'll tell the party planner the bill is on her. Problem is she'll likely refuse to pay and it's HIS card holding the deposit .. but man oh man that would be funny
I would wonder why bm even
I would wonder why bm even thought she'd have a right to infringe on your dh's time? don't allow bm to determine you're there or not. i'd probably insist my dh tell bm straight out before hand that she was NOT invited. and if she shows up, make sure to ignore her and don't let her as much as cut the cake. then, after the party tell her if she ever shows up again uninvited during his visitation time, he'll have her trespassed.
I don't know that we can stop
I don't know that we can stop her from showing up at a public place. I understand what you're saying, but I don't think any cop or judge would see anything wrong with her coming to the birthday party, ya know?
My SO gets himself into
My SO gets himself into messes like this too! Last year he arranged to take SD to a theme park for her 3rd birthday, 3hr drive out of town, a week beforehand, he tells BM, then he's completely surprised when it comes to picking SD up and BM mucks around for an HOUR! Then calls and texts ALL day long because she concerned that the trip was too much for her little girl!
My SO does not learn!! He still stupidly makes it easy for BM to find out his plans to do fun things with SD and BM does her best to muck it up every time!
Can't count how many times I have said to him "I don't know why you're surprised about your crazy ex pulling the SAME crazy stunts she ALWAYS does!"
I'm trying to teach SO to make plans in 'stealth' mode! It's less stressful for everyone (including BM) if SO can be more careful about not letting BM find out his plans!
I love that saying, and I
I love that saying, and I believe it wholeheartedly!
SO on the other hand... believes in leaving the past in the past and giving people the benefit of the doubt because it's mean to treat people like they can't change.
I tell him him he's a dumbarse!
LOL! Love it
LOL! Love it
BM just sent DH a text ..
BM just sent DH a text .. "RSVP'ing for 4 adults and 1 kid to SD5's party on the 19th"
So .. yeah .. she's coming .. and bringing a small group ..
I have only been to Chucky
I have only been to Chucky Cheese like maybe once, and then a similar place for SS with just DH and I.
However is there anyway you can give the manager or whoever is in charge a list of those truly "RSVP"ed for the party, I mean I would think you could or anyone who saw a party would try to be put on your tab. I would look into it.
I wish there was more y'all could do but DH pretty much opened the door wide open on this one.
He's going to call the
He's going to call the location in the morning and see what they say. I have no clue what controls they put on the party, but I don't think it's much. I mean, realistically, it's the child's mother showing up to the party .. would a place like that really assume her and her guests were NOT invited?
Well I understand that BUT
Well I understand that BUT maybe if he doesn't say it's the mother just that there is a possible unwelcomed guest it would be a little more protected? I may be looking for a small light in a dark hole but I'm trying to think of something for y'all to say.
Haha yeah I understand. He's
Haha yeah I understand. He's going to call and tell them they have a very high conflict situation. Not sure what, if anything, they'll do. But making that call is the first step.
Exactly - every little step
Exactly - every little step they try to make counts
OMFG. The cheek of her! Wow.
OMFG. The cheek of her! Wow. Just wow.
When he told me what she
When he told me what she texted, I just laughed. None of this surprises me anymore. I tried to warn him ...
I pray he let her know she
I pray he let her know she isn't invited & can have her own party for SD.
He replied with: "Sorry,
He replied with:
"Sorry, there must have been a mix up. The invitations were intended for Cece's classmates only. You are welcome to throw a party on your own time, but I am requesting that you respect my custody time and do not attend."
We'll see how that goes. I'm sure the simple fact that he's asking her not to come will only strengthen her resolve to attend.
I bet she says something
I bet she says something about "I already told the others blah blah blah, how dare you try to prevent me from spending a special moment with my child"
Call Chuck-e-cheese (sorry if
Call Chuck-e-cheese (sorry if I got that wrong - we don't have it here) and ask to change the time/date; call any parent who has rsvp'd and let them know the new details, and DO NOT tell BM.
This is actually a good idea.
This is actually a good idea. He can change the reservation pretty easily. The only trouble would be the people who show up and didn't RSVP. I guess that's on them though ..
LOL - been there done
LOL - been there done that!!
It worked for us, and these days with mobile phones we had the numbers for everyone who replied - and I figure if people as so rude as to show up and NOT have RSVP'd that's on them
Oh, and if SD gets upset because BM has told her she will be there and then isn't - you tell her BM must have got the time wrong, and you are sure she will make it up to her....
Good on him for standing up
Good on him for standing up to her! BM usually threatens to show up at things but does not now. Can you guys just change the location?