Hello Everyone!

I am new to this forum and boy am I glad I found it before I am in some rubber room, rocking back and forth and foaming from my mouth!

I have been married to my DH for 9 years. I have a SD17 and a SS13. I do not have any children of my own (except my 15 year old dachshund). The SD17 lives with her Mother and spends the summers with us.

My SS13 (actually SOON to be 13) recently came to live with us full-time. was actually looking forward to him living with us because he and I always got along so well. Well, that isn't the case anymore!

My DH works full-time night shift and I work full-time during the day. We arranged this schedule so that someone could be home with SS13. We also have this schedule because my 15 year old dachshund was diagnosed with CHF in January and I cannot take him "puppy daycare" due to the stressors. He requires special care and is on a strict regime daily. I do 99% of the taking care of my little dog. My husband's only responsibility during the day is to take him out to potty and give him a chewable tablet at 2:00 p.m.

Now that you know my background, here is my issue...

My stepson has turned into a kid I don't even know! The disrespect is unreal. He has a potty mouth and curses like a little sailor. He is constantly argumentative, screams around the house (especially while playing video games) at the top of his lungs like a little 3 year old just saying random things just to be nerve wracking! He gets angry when he doesn't get his way pitching huge tantrums. His manners are awful and he constantly burps and farts at the dinner table! Not by accident, but intentionally 9 times out of 10 and never says excuse me. He has an opinion on everything even going so far to question me on my actions and giving me opinions on how I should be doing things. What really gets my goat is that he is trying to tell me what to do all the time! I tell him I am the adult and he is the child and he doe NOT question me nor my decisions. He is also extremely lazy and has not done one chore since he has lived with us.

Another concerning issue is that e used to love our little dog. Now he treats him as if he doesn't exist, almost like he resents him. My SS13 has the nerve to say I spoil the dog too much and tries to tell how I should be treating our dog! Seriously? My SS13 is more spoiled than a hunk of meat that has been left in the beaming hot sun for decades! I explain to him that my little dog has been in my life for 15 years and now he has special needs due to his congestive heart failure. My SS13 doesn't even feel for my sick dog. He says he wants a dog of "his own". I told him that my little dog is a part of the family and he needs love too. I also explained that when you get a dog, it is for good times and in bad. All dogs grow older and you cannot just pitch them to the side because they are no longer a puppy and require special care. It is heartbreaking because my little dachshund loves him so much and sits by my SS13 and tries to get his attention. He totally ignores him.

My SS13 also alienates me from any activities intentionally. He said he would rather "spend time with "Daddy" because he came from Daddy's sperm". (WHAT?????) He also over exaggerates his comments to my DH screaming "I LOVE MY DADDY" 50 times in a row while smiling at me with devious smile. I say I love you to him only to get shunned. I try to include him in activities with me that I think he would enjoy, only to be turned down. However, when my DH asks him, he will go. I am not included as it is for "Daddy and son" time. I buy him things only for him to come back and him say to me last night that I never buy him things. Coming from a kid who just got 3 new video games and a new PS3 and also has an xbox, wii, ds3, ds3lte, ipod, ipad, etc. Seriously?

Also, some of the antics this killed pulls is just unreal. He has even gone so far as to make up a lie saying that "Daddy talks to his online girlfriend everyday". When my husband and I confronted him about it, he admitted that he lied. I could go on but am ashamed to say the things this kid comes up with!

My DH days off are Sundays and Mondays and I have off Saturdays and Sundays. Since DH works the night shift, he sleeps until noon or 1 p.m. Which basically shoots away most of Sundays and he doesn't have to deal with my SS13 on Mondays because he is in school during the day while he is home and I am at work. So basically the only times he really has to deal with my SS13 is for a couple hours on Saturday, Sunday afternoons and evenings.

Due to our work schedule, I am with this kid the majority of the time. (Scratch that, CONTSTANTLY) I feel like a single Mom! I zoom home from work every day so that he is not home alone when my DH leaves for work. I immediately cook dinner, help him with homework, do chores, etc. I do not sit still until I finally can get this kid into bed (which he gives me a ROUGH time) which is usually not until 11:00 p.m. at night. I have to get up at 5:30 a.m. for work the next day. I cannot remember when I have had any alone time. Needless to say, I am exhausted physically and mentally!

Now on to my DH. I have talked to him about SS13 behavior. It seems like the only time I can talk to him is at 5:30 a.m. in the morning and of course he doesn't want to hear it then after working until 2:30 a.m. So, I have to try to pull him aside from the clingy SS13 to try to explain his son's bad behavior. When I do get a chance to talk to DH he poo-poos it saying that he is only a kid being a kid! He acts like it is my fault! I have been nothing but loving, nurturing and caring to my SS13.

Sometimes, I feel as though my DH is trying to be his friend instead of his parent. I also end up being the blunt of jokes by them and am told I am the one that is always complaining because neither one of them helps with chores around the house. Meanwhile, my DH does criticize me in front of my SS13. He also does not set a good example by not helping out around the house. My DH and me have not been getting along at all since SS13 moved in. My DH even had the nerve to tell me that if I am "not cut out for this" then something has to be done. He has NO idea how lucky he has it and his own family feels the same way. I feel that my DH is setting a bad example and my SS13 is mimicking his behavior.

I did get a kick on Tuesday when my DH did take a night off and my SS13 was acting up. My DH finally felt some of my pain. So it brought us to a point in conversation where I said there must be rules made and a chore list.

Can someone out there give me some suggestions on making a Rules list? I have some sort of idea of what I would like to put on the list such as Respect, taking responsibilities for own actions, etc. It would be extremely helpful. I know some might say this is not my job, however, I want to make sure everything I am requesting gets on this Rule and Chore List!..lol

Thank you all for listening to me vent! You input would be greatly appreciated!