how did the blame get shifted to me

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Yesterday ss8 asked me "Thursdays have you checked our lunch accounts lately" and I told him to go ask DH.
DH responded, "BM said she was going to put money on your account on Friday, she didn't do it?" And ss responded "no, the lunch lady said I need money".

DH called BM about it and her response that she told to ss was "oh I forgot, I'll do it tomorrow."

My thought was "Yea Right"

Today when i got home ss8 and ss6 stopped me as I walked in the house and said "Thursdays we almost had to eat peanut butter sandwiches because you didn't put any money on our account, but I told her you would do it today so they gave us regular lunch but you have to do it today."

How is it that I end up with the blame when I directed ss to DH, who then directed ss to BM, who didn't do what she said she'd do?

Tell the kid to hit up his

Tell the kid to hit up his parents for the $$$! Jeez! Why is he asking you?

I think he asked because he

I think he asked because he knows I keep track of their lunch accounts most of the time.

The only reason their accounts were low is that BM complained that I'm always putting money on before she has a chance. So I told DH I wouldn't do it anymore unless he asks me to.

Well, BM has been saying for a week that she was going to put money on their accounts. So I've just watched their money get lower and lower until now it's $3.25 in the hole.

They asked you because they

They asked you because they know that you are the responsible one looking out for their well-being.

Hey Milhouse!! I did tell

Hey Milhouse!!

I did tell skids just that. Well I asked them, "who said they were going to put money on your account today?" And they responded "mommy". Then I asked, "so why are you saying you almost had peanut butter sandwiches because I didn't do something" and they came up with "well you always make sure that we have money for lunch" and I responded, "yes, you're right, but your mom said she was going to take care of that this time, so that wasn't my job this time".
SS responded "why would mommy not do what she said she would do" to which I wish I could have responded "great question, but she hasn't paid CS in over a year either, so I'm not sure why DH thought she'd be able to manage a few dollars for lunch".
But instead I said, "I'm not sure"

The kids lunch is $2.25 per day, so its not cheap, but even $5.00 feeds each kid for one day.

I love PB&Js too. But I don't

I love PB&Js too. But I don't like peanut butter oddly enough. So I'd probably cry about a PB sandwich

Yes, I get that they think of

Yes, I get that they think of me as a parent sometimes. But its no less frustrating when BM has said she would do something but she doesn't.

And DH is actually SUPPOSED to get support, but BM doesn't pay.

Which is yet another reason I don't understand how she can be mad that I keep the kids accounts loaded, with DH money of course. I mean its not her money, so she should be quiet...in a perfect world...

Because they're 6 and 8 years

Because they're 6 and 8 years old and in the past, you've handled their lunches. They're not old enough to understand disengaging or backing off .. they expect the parents in their lives to provide lunch for them. Up until recently, that was you.

I hope your DH gets this sorted out today. How embarrassing for children to have to worry about their own lunch money.

I'm not complaining about

I'm not complaining about them asking me, I'm frustrated that BM dropped the ball and skids immediately think I'm to blame.

DH solution today was to ask me to load their accounts.

DH says he was trying to let BM hang herself because she insisted I was overstepping my bounds because I set up an automatic alert that tells DH By email when the accounts are low and then he asks me to load money.

I'm guessing when DH was explaining to the skids that we can see everything they buy for lunch (including multiple snacks) he must have mentioned that I set it up and skids probably said that to BM. So she's in a tizzy over it.

Needless to say, BM also sucks, big time. So DH and I pick up the slack.

I agree that the Skids said

I agree that the Skids said something to you because they view you as a parent even though BM is probably like our BM and refuses to admit that a SM can be a parent too!

I completely understand your frustration that you backed off and tried to let BM do something for her kids and she dropped the ball. I think the way you responded to your Skids was great and that it sounds a lot like conversations that have happened between my SD and myself.

Keep on being a great Stepmom to your Skids, it sounds like you are a great parent to them!

PS If it makes you feel any better, we also keep SD's lunch account funded and when we bill BM for lunches on her custody time, she informs us that she only has to provide food for SD when she is actually in her house (yes you read that right, not at her house, but IN her house).... How is that for some crazy BM logic for you?