Lost in a sea if issues
My step daughter has learning disabilities and is in a special school for speech delayed and other issues similar to autism or asperger syndrome. These are not the issues I'm having problems with or needing help with. Here is where I'm coming from...
My wife ( skids mom ) is so complacent in skids parenting that I'm about to leave. Her daughter is an angel around me when we are together alone but around her mom even alone with her mom she is the devil. Hurts/screams at the animals at home. Tries to/ and does damage my electronics 700$ phone drenched with water, 2,000$ laptop almost stepped on. Several times right in front of her mom and mom says nothing to her and when I say something all mom says is I shouldn't have electronics out in the living room and I can't hide in the bedroom. I point out that skid shoved new baby kitten off the back of the chair and proceeded to scream at the kitten as he was falling. Mom heard the scream but I pointed out she shoved the cat and mom says it's just a cat.
This is just today's issues with 7 year old skid. Any advice is nice. Mom works full time as do I. But she seems to think she is unique and is extremely stressed out from work.
More to follow.
Thanks for listening.
My bd20's bio dad could not
My bd20's bio dad could not even raise her and when she was 13 said to me it was either her going into an institution or him leaving. We put her into a home but I wish now he'd have left. Not b/c I didn't love both of them but b/c he ended up breaking our family apart anyhow. Special kids are not easy even for bio parents, you are not in an easy position. I would say start with keeping all your expensive items locked when not in use just to cut down on the stress, no pets in the home unless it's a full grown animal that is highly patient and docile. We tried kittens when my daughter was young and she tried flushing one. We finally got a big older lab dog and an older cat, both docile and well behaved and it was the best therapy for my daughter.
Get all the pets out of the
Get all the pets out of the home NOW before she kills one of them. And your wife's response of the kitten she shoved being "just an animal"?!? Get rid of her, too.
Thank you I will check out
Thank you I will check out the site when I am off work. My wife is an amazing woman that has some issues most obvious of those being that her daughter does no wrong. Even when she screams in my ear she only tells me that's what kids do. We'll not where I come from. We were aloud to run the streets free as a bird but still I would have been struck in the face by just reflex had a snuck up on my folks and did what she does. Mom says she is only asking for attention. Now her real dad is a piece of work. Very aggressive, hurts animals and is your basic big guy that cowers in fear once confronted. She is growing up to be mini dad. Mom knows dad is a Richard but doesn't or won't see him in her. Even if she did what could she do right.? Can't change a persons genes.
Oh also my wife admitted to
Oh also my wife admitted to me last night that she was jealous that I just "check out" when I need to de-stress. I enjoy my ipad or my MacBook but she claims I'm ignoring the family for hours on end. Well I don't drink or smoke or have a porn habit. I just enjoy reading the news or staying up on new electronics as I'm in the IT field. I need to stay connected. She smokes a cig or 2 a day tops, drinks a coors light in the evening. That is how she unwinds, I tinker. But I'm still right there around them. But I'm not paying attention.
Oh more on my skid, she watches on tv a 30 min show for hours, sometimes never getting past the first commercial I call her rewind as a nickname. So my wife expects me to just sit on the couch all freaked night and watch sponge bob or whatever for hours but never getting to the end. It's very frustrating. This is why I bring my gadgets into the living room. I need my own source of entertainment. But I'm ignoring them. Am I missing something?
OP, you definitely need to
OP, you definitely need to rehome your pets if your wife isn't on the same page about keeping them safe. Having respectful boundaries between kids and pets is essential for everyone's safety. One day your SD will either harm the cat (or kill it) accidentally, or the cat will hurt her. Cats bite very hard and I know from personal experience that those bites can then become badly infected. Until the child is better able to interact with animals, there should be no pets in the home.
As for your "checking out" when you're at home, can you reach a compromise? I unwind in much the same way you do, but I am the first to admit that it's very easy to get sucked into my laptop or my phone and ignore everything else that's happening. So maybe negotiate that you'll check your electronics while SD is watching the same five minutes of her show over and over, but once the TV is off then your gadgets get put away too. Finding alternate ways of relaxing is also good for those of us who are hooked on our electronics.
(Also, for the sake of your budget, you're going to have to skid-proof your electronics. Don't leave them out, since it's obvious they're going to get damaged until SD learns better control)
It sounds also like you and especially your wife need better guidelines for handling your SD at home, since she's special needs. The screaming and acting out might be "normal" for her, but it certainly can't be allowed to continue. Does she have a therapist or some other kind of doctor that you and your wife can talk to? Someone who can help you work out routines and other strategies to help her curb her more unacceptable behaviours? If you don't have a professional you can talk to, I encourage you to seek one out ASAP. Your SD's behavioural problems need to be addressed in the interests of the whole family.
Good luck!
~WOSM
It sounds additionally like
It sounds additionally like you and particularly your wife need better rules for taking care of your SD at home, subsequent to she's exceptional needs. The shouting and carrying on may be "ordinary" for her, however it unquestionably can't be permitted to proceed.
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