How do you do special event pics (school dances, prom, sadies etc) in your family with skids who don't like you or resent you?
I need to know.
Apparently we either do it BM's way or SD's way or there's hell to pay. After last years "prom" pics (she was in 10th grade) And she pulled the teary I want a family pic just my mom and dad and made a huge scene and didn't acknowledge me the ENTIRE time. I refuse to be a part of any of it. SD16 had Sadie Hawkins this past weekend- I found out THAT same day. We had plans with my bio to get costumes and pumpkins. He met her at a hamburger joint to give her $ and take a pic. I refused to go, FDH left to see her and me and my bio went a long with our plans. She can't stand me and after I was treated like crap I refused to go.
FDH was upset but I felt good about holding my ground. He was/is really upset. I post a pic on FB of me and my bio wearing a halloween mask. SD16 NEVER likes or comments on anything that has to do with me or my bio EVER. I restricted her but fb changed so not sure if she still is or not. Anyway, She posted a comment under the pic that said " yea, I see you were way to busy to come by" :jawdrop: WHAT???? since when the F does she care.
So now it's the whole poor SD16 thought you guys were coming and she's hurt you didn't show up!! LMAO- I literally laughed at the stupidity. SHE HATES US! But bc I didn't go, now She's been trying so hard and I'm making no effort and she expected us to be there! She doesn't acknowledge me when I am there but takes full advantage of playing victim when I don't go!
What a crock of shit
So here's the best part- BM called FDH at 11:30 pm ( I was f'n IRATE he even answered) and started telling him that SD16 is upset that they can't take pictures all together and if FDH and goincrazy can't be mature enough to take pics of SD16 on her special days then FDH is going to miss out on SD16's entire life or some dumb shit like that. He explained he saw her, took pics and gave her $ and she said "Well someone is lying then and I don't think it's SD16" ?????
WTF
1. Don't ever call at 11:30pm (he's calling her when I get home to tell her ass not to call that late again
2. Bitch get your facts straight!
So SD16 went crying to mom bc I wasn't there and included her dad too or what??? I'm so confused. I disengaged. I'm not going to any of her shit. She was supposed to come to the house I guess and cancelled. I will NOT be going to her mothers house or her boyfriends house to take "family" pictures. That bridge was burned a long time ago
So....What do you guys do in situations like this? I think the teen should stop by your house to take pictures? So what it's a second stop- FDH met them in the middle of dinner bc she didn't want to come to the house- it's ridiculous!
What is a good alternative to not
I am thankful I have
I am thankful I have stepsons... so much less drama. If they were to ever go to prom I have no problem with DH going and having his picture with them & BM. They are good boys and they are always respectful to me. BM can drive me crazy at times but for the most part she is sane ( just a tad selfish and controlling :))I think that just because their parents couldn't get it together that they should not have pictures with their parents. I also would not expect them to make an extra stop atour house 20 minutes away... they are kids and that day is about them not me.
That said when they get married I expect that their will be pics with their mom& dad & also pics with us & BM & her BF. Trust me this is one of the reasons I am always civil.
1. This is not how I
1. This is not how I recommend you handle things, but here's how prom, etc., went down for us:
SD "informed" daddy that only the most expensive dress would work for her and she needed to travel to a town about an hour away to look, then get taken out to eat, then decide to order an expensive dress, then get it and not like it, then order a more expensive one. She needed to get new shoes and jewelry, get a mani and pedi, go tanning, get her hair and makeup professionally done and have photographs. And because she didn't have a "date," she also needed money to eat out the day of the dance and to buy the ticket. Oh, but she didn't want daddy to be there for any of that (we lived about an hour away), she only wanted him to pay for it. Daddy said OK.
2. This is how I would do it if it was my kid and my ex was reasonable:
Give SD a budget of how much was going to come from mom and dad total toward this special day and inform her she was expected to contribute x amount as well OR, alternatively, she must cover all the "wants" that are not needs, like professional hair and makeup, professional mani and pedi, and tanning. I would tell her we will all meet at x time at x location for photos, but there will be no "mommy and daddy" together photos because that is a fantasy. I would not expect my new partner to be there for MY child unless they wanted to be.
But that is just me.
Can you blame the spoilt brat
Can you blame the spoilt brat for her behaviour, or the parent who spoilt her. As a parent her dad could have said no to any of this, but certainly to a second dress, as her father he could've said he would be going whether she liked it or not. She knows what she can get away with, because he's been doing this for quite a while.
Um, can I blame both? For
Um, can I blame both? For sure Dh spoiled her, but she doesn't have to "act" spoiled. I know kids who are spoiled but are still gracious enough to recognize it and express their appreciation.
I did, I ignored it and
I did, I ignored it and didn't respond to anything. I'm frustrated with FDH bc he's playing into her pity party and BM get's involved out of no where? FDH is fighting my disengagement and keeps saying "she's really trying :? " I'm just really confused about the whole thing really. Thats exactly it! It's her way to start drama!
Stay out of this one....BM
Stay out of this one....BM and SD never included us in any of it. Now with us stepping back in, I have no clue what to do for graduation. Right now, I am trying to figure out how to handle graduation notices to our side of the family.
^^^^ Exactly! I wish it was
^^^^ Exactly! I wish it was this easy! She was supposed to come to the house then cancelled last min and he had to go running to her. I refused.
I told FDH this same thing, there is no reason we need to take pictures with your ex or at the same place, a big event-yes, I get that . It may not be the kids fault and FDH did go to meet her but I'm NOT going to group photo sessions that are super awkward and uncomfortable and just give SD16 the opportunity to snub me. IF FDH chooses to meet them somewhere for "group pictures" he can go alone. He's pissed.
He gave me the whole "we are gonna have to be around my ex and do things like that for my daughter" speech. I said thats fine. You go right ahead. I have nothing to do with your ex wife. YOU do }:)
maybe you would go around if
maybe you would go around if he placed proper boundaries around bm and daughter. i'd be DAMNED if I sit on the sidelines watch my husband taking family pictures of him and his ex wife like they are a happy little family. and i'd throw a hissy if bm called my dh over bull shit and he actually ANSWERED THE PHONE. your dh doesn't understand what divorce is, does he? oh, and he'd better address that smart ass comment his daughter had to you! he thinks that they'll throw a bigger fit than you, so he lets you get mad. prove him wrong.
Your DH needs to be woken up
Your DH needs to be woken up to reality. BM also needs a massive reality check. Do they understand the meaning of the word DIVORCE?? It means TWO SEPARATE FAMILIES - Two completely SEPARATE LIVES. If, in a perfect world, all families got along then there would be no drama. However! In MANY cases, the divorce is anything but amicable and so brings in the need for boundaries. Your DH is allowing BM to intrude and cross her boundaries and he needs to put a stop to this.
As for SD? Well, nothing much can be done about that - she's just gonna have to suck it up.