I’m new to this. Here’s a little back story on my situation – My H and I have been together 18 years, married for 8 yrs. We each have 2 daughters from our first marriages, who are now adults with kids of their own, and we have a 16 yr old daughter together. BM, unjustifiably with false accusations, kept kids away from BD from the time they were 4 and 7 yrs old, remarried & had them adopted by new H. In the 18 yrs I’ve been with my H the BM has done everything, short of hiring a hitman, to get rid of BD. Done nothing but try to make BD’s life miserable including running off girlfriends..that was til I came along. When oldest SD turned 18 she came looking for BD. We welcomed her with open arms. Younger SD made contact right before she turned 18, with BM approval cause BM was getting divorced & her new H who adopted them no longer wanted anything to do with them. We also welcomed her with open arms. It has been anything but smooth sailing ever since. The first 3 or 4 years we were like treading lightly across the water. Oldest SD has history of lying & using people to get what she wants, family included, will go as far to say her child needs something just to get you to give her money. When BD called her out on this and other behavior she blew up, showed up at our home to chew BD out, denied everything he pointed out & then left. A couple weeks later she did exactly one of the things BD called her out to another family member. That was nearly 3 years ago. We’ve tried to extend the hand & open the door for her to get her to be a part of the family. Have extended invitations to try to get her & the child to visit, have flat out told her numerous times we want you and our grandson to be involved, to be part of the family. But to no avail. She has no desire to be part of the family, for us to know what is going on with her family. Facebook is the only way we have to contact her and to follow what’s going on in her life. If we’re at a mutual get together she’s “social” but that’s as far as it goes. She posted a Father’s Day comment on Facebook & specifically named her SD..snubbing her BD, didn’t even acknowledge him on Father’s Day with a text, email or a call. SD’s are bitter toward both SS’s.. their BD got to raise them..a “you got what was suppose to be mine” type thing. Both SD’s bitter toward 16 yr old half sister, feels BD is too involved in her life and want same level of involvement. Before the big blow up we’d only hear from the oldest SD around the “obligatory gifting giving times”…Her birthday and Christmas (which are back to back months) then nothing til that time rolls around again.
SD’s know it was because of BM’s doing that BD wasn’t a part of their lives growing up but SD’s feel BM did nothing wrong and of course are loyal, standing by BM even though she has said she knowingly falsely accused BD.
It’s getting really old that SD doesn’t want to be an active part of the family, however, she expects gifts at those “obligatory gift giving times”….you can’t be part of the family only when you know you’re getting gifts then snub everyone the rest of the time. I’m sitting on the fence as whether or not to give her anything for birthday or Christmas.
I don’t know what to do about the whole situation. It’s breaking my heart to see my SD’s treat their BD this way. My H says he’s not going to beg her just to be a part of her life nor chase after her in the hopes she’ll drop a few crumbs his way. I don’t know if we should just fully cut the ties with her, accept that it is what it is and try to move on.