His CS is suppose to cover the needs of the children. If she can't manage her money that's her problem. If your DH wants to go above and beyond his CS then that is his perogative. He can certainly purchase items for his kids when they are with him but definitely don't hand over money to BM. Who is going to know if it is actually going to things for the kids? Anything beyond CS that has come up for my kids (prom, school pics, etc) is handled by submitting two checks (one from me and one from father) or separate accounts. And everything is divided 50/50.

DH used to CONSTANTLY fork over more. Not in actual cash but ALWAYS had to buy coats, boots, shoes, sneakers, uniforms, clothes, glasses, pay for school trips, school pictures, bookbags, school supplies etc...It caused fight after fight after fight.
He FINALLY woke up from his dumbass slumber and stopped. He pays a significant amount of $$ in CS and he is not supposed to do ANYTHING extra that BM requires.
The funny thing is, BM cries poverty but is always rocking Gucci!
It never ceases to amaze me.

I say that he shouldn't give in at all.

DH and I will pay for sports if SS5 wants to do them and even if he originally ask BM even though most of the time he comes to us to ask as he knows that we are more prone to want him to be involved and be willing to pay for equipment and he learned this again this fall when he wanted to play football and had originally asked BM who asked DH and DH exclaimed to her that she was getting 3 child support checks that month so that she could do it as we were still getting adjusted since his company had just got bought and last week was legit his first full paycheck since like August (he gets paid every 2 week so sometimes she gets 2, sometimes 3 checks a month) and BM told SS that he couldn't play football as it was to expensive and he is to little (it starts out as flag) but mainly she stressed being broke or at least that is what SS told me after it was to late to sign up and DH told him BM said she would do it and sign ups were passed so he was sorry but nothing we could do at that point.

With SS we will buy his backpack though the past two years he has used the same one - as BM said she would buy it this year and never did. He has two different lunch boxes and we do not pay for anything above and beyond his needs at our house . I'm sure DH wouldn't mind if BM would return the favor --- for example DH wants to put SS in a private school but the monthly fee is a little more than we can afford right now so he asked BM to go file for aid and he would pay the rest as it is a better school and she refuses as her eldest has to go to public school.

I can maybe see if a BM wants to split a cellphone for a child possibly but I still highly doubt I would want DH to do that mind you BM is essentially living off child support ($770-1150 from us, 300 a month for her eldest, HUD housing which is $300 in rent and food stamps etc)and barely working under the table as she seems to always have some injury so DH does not help at all.

I believe if it is something to truly help the kid maybe (sports, college etc) but nothing that BM could directly benefit from especially if she is simply asking for help so she doesn't have to pay anything.

My husband used to do the exact same thing and wouldn't listen to me when I asked him to stop. Unlike BM, I have a successful career so it wasn't that I needed him to contribute more to our household, I just couldn't stand the principle of the thing: he was completely supporting HER, not the kids when he did this.

It took ME scheduling a consultation with a lawyer FOR HIM to get him to understand that he should not give her one dime more than he agreed to in the divorce. BTW, the amount he agreed to is way more than our state's income shares CS calculator would have assigned. The lawyer told him to stop immediately with the extras.

CS covers school lunches, after school care, clothes, etc. If he want to get them a special gift, have at it, give it to THEM. BM has a job plus this extra tax free income called "child support". Let her figure out how to manage her own finances and live within her means.

This will probably get A LOT of hits....But yes, your DH needs to set up boundaries. I receive CS too and I dont ask for anything extra.
Its a control game by the BM, most likely threatned another womens around his finances.
SO deals with this too, so annoying! Hope to be relieved one day!
She will inherit millions in the future, but still a greedy bitch. How he banged/married her, I dont get it. Theres NO redeeming qualities at all.

DH gives BM zip zero over CS.

She gets a good amount a month, & still gets CS in the summer when SD is at our house full time & we pay for her summer camps (150 a week). We also provide health insurance. When SD is with BM (school year, we have her every other weekend) she pays nothing for child care & nothing for breakfast or lunch (free or reduced lunch at school). She also doesn't receive $$$ for her BS from his father. If she needs money for bills etc she needs to ask him since he doesn't contribute. We also provide school clothes/supplies for SD every year because she is with us & it's a nice bonding experience for her & DH.

However, SD is only 6 so there's no prom sr pics etc yet. We will probably go in on those.

I'm a bio mom. I get $300 a month for two kids, ages 15 and 8. I never ask for anything more than that. Not for school lunches, dentist, doctor bills, extracurriculars, school uniforms, etc. etc.

To me, it's not worth the aggravation to ask for more.

ETA- just realized you were looking for responses from people who felt justified asking for more money in addition to CS - sorry!

Barring medical expenses, he shouldn't be giving her anything outside of CS. Who pays what regarding medical expenses should be outlined in the CO. If it's not, that needs to change.

My SDs BM did this when she had custody and it drove me nuts because it was clear that the money wasn't being spent on the kids.

In my situation; my DH does NOT give BM anything ABOVE the CO'd CS amount. She gets her 920.00 a month and that is it; besides half of all UNcovered medical/dental expenses which we pay directly to the dr/dentist office. (We recently found out BM uses the majority of the CS on herself and skid gets hand-me-downs for the most part, and we just LOVE handing money over to fund BMs life) :sick:

I am also a BM; I NEVER ask my ex for more money etc. other than CS. He pays me directly so we work things out as far as an amount is concerned.

I never realized how awful the whole CS crap was until I got with DH. What a nightmare! Thankfully, DH and I are on the same page...give BM NOTHING MORE than what he is ordered to pay! }:)

Long before he met me, my DH loaned BM $3,000 (to move), consigned on her house (she threatened to move SD out of state if he didn't). BM "promised" to pay DH back with her tax return. Obviously she's never once attempted to pay him back for this.

Also not to mention the for over 3 years the state took too much $ for CS out of DHs check each month. He called to complain, and even after offering to Dax the divorce decree to them, they said it didn't matter bc BM had to sign off on the "change". So then began the 3 years of begging BM to call them.

What is wrong with these women!!!

I would like to say it was my intervention that finally stopped FDH handing over extra money to BM but it wasnt (even after arguments). He used to pay for lots of extras at the drop of a hat and the principal of the thing drove me crazy because he was paying for her poor financial management. No, it was when she took him back for more CS and started alienating the skids from him that her gravy train stopped. The stupid cow.......she is fighting for 100 extra a month but he used to give her way more than that in extras. Mind you, we have since found out that her real motive for taking him to court is not that she will get more money but that he will have to spend on attorney fees. Her family (wealthy grandmother) is paying for her attorney fees and she just wants to bleed us dry because she is vitriolic and a very jealous nasty woman.

My DH doesn't pay CS because we have SD almost 100% of the time (BM is supposed to take SD on weekends, but she rarely does). I have been trying to get DH to go after BM for CS but he refuses (he thinks if he does, she will just take SD more to avoid having to pay CS).

We pay for EVERYTHING. School clothes, shoes, supplies, sports, school pictures, field trips, medical.. you name it, we pay for it. BM contributes NOTHING, but has the nerve to ask DH for money!

DH tells me he doesn't give it to her but sometimes I do wonder if he does or not because he is definitely a Disney Dad and is a total pushover.

In regrads to your personal situation, I would say your DH should not be giving BM anything other than CS. If he feels the need to be a Disney Dad and buy the kid extra things, that's on him. But it should not come out of your household bills, and cash should not be given directly to BM.