I apologize for the book I've written, I did try unsuccessfully not to ramble on to much. If I try to discuss the situation and my frustration with my husband he only gets angry and the friend I would normally go to has been ill and I won't bother her with my comparably mundane problems. I'm really just looking for some input. This is my first marriage, and myself nor friends and family are experienced with step children. I unfortunately wasn't able to raise my own child but spent most of my life raising other peoples children so though not the same, I have some idea of raising a child. Am I expecting to much? Do I need to just take a deep breath and suck it up? Am I just being petty?

Most of the time I either feel like a horrible person or I'm losing my mind. My 24yr old sd and her 30 something boyfriend whom we had never met before, moved in within a month of my husband and I being married. She never had really moved out. Most of her belongings never left, she crashed at friends houses as long as they'd have her and when the supply of friends runs out would move home again.. and so on and so on for years.

My husband cleans up after himself but doesn't do much household cleaning, he makes up for that by doing other things around the house and I'm fine with that. Until I moved in he lived in his bedroom and his daughter had the run of the rest of the house when she was there. I embarassingly admit his house was a mess to say the least and I knew I'd have work to do, however with a years warning I thought his adult children, his daughter in particular (most of the mess was hers) would at least clean up a little of their mess. I have over time cleaned as it really was unlivable by most peoples standards. An idea... it was two weeks of my vacation spent cleaning the kitchen, bleaching, boiling pots and pans to get them clean. I have managed to get rid of the roaches. I didn't enjoy it but knew once it was clean it would not be a problem keeping it that way since my husband actually isn't a slob and his daughter was, at the time, no longer living there.

When I first moved in she had two bedrooms with the floor completely covered two feet deep of dirty clothes and whatever else. While not working at the time she couldn't find the time to clean up the mess. After some time I decided to do it myself, critters were attracted and I didn't want to live like that. After doing 18 loads of laundry, folded neatly and sorted into boxes and bags (to be kept from the pet hair) placed for the time in the dining room so she could easily put them away where she wanted them, I never expected her to take them with her. This is when she moved in. Rather than putting the clothes away, there they stayed and clothes were tossed all over the dining room floor as she looked for the clothing for each day. After two weeks of this and a complaint from me to her father she said, well the cats have been on the clothes, they have to be washed. A few days later and again nothing done with the mess, I again washed the clothes all over the floor, folded and stacked all of the clothes this time in her room. There was never a thank you just another mess, this time in the dining room. That was the beginning.

She had gotten herself into some financial trouble and the agreement of her moving back in was to pay off debts, clean up after themselves, keep the bathroom they use clean, get themselves together and move out. A small amount of rent was requested, to cover the enormous electric bill that came with them, small amounts paid twice, over the last 6 months. (I really don't care about that, I would rather they used their money to help themselves, the rent was my husbands idea).

The boyfriend has been convicted of theft twice that I know of and I've seen the daughter and an ex-boyfriend steal from her father more than once while she didn't know the webcam was on and I could see them. When I mentioned this to her father he turned away and changed the subject. This makes me uncomfortable in itself.

Her car payments are caught up thanks to her father making payments and a loan from a family friend borrowed a year ago. No attempt has been made to amend those debts. FYI her father co-signed for the car and his once good credit rating is now a mess, payments for the car are made by him through his account (she gives him cash to deposit) and while payments are being made now they are still often late.

Both her and the boyfriend are now working and as far as I can see their money goes to eating out almost every night and partying on average three nights a week. However there is now talk of having a baby and saving up for a wedding. I should maybe add, a year ago while living with her father with then boyfriend and her child, she moved out leaving child and boyfriend with her father (since gone to live with his mother), she has only seen her child a few times since, and gets upset if the subject of child support comes up (why should she have to pay). She has herself told me she can't care for her child.

A few of the little things that bother me that I feel shouldn't so much yet do.... The bathroom they use is the main one of the house and used by company, while my husband and I mainly use the en-suite. They were asked to keep it clean. Not once have they cleaned it. It got disgusting enough for me to to just take over the regular cleaning myself, dirty underwear, beer cans, used pads and other garbage regularly all over the floor included. I've been advised, she doesn't know how to clean. Garbage is tossed into the yard.. right behind the garbage can that is there, for myself or her father to then pick up and put into the garbage after being blown around the yard. I will say they do their dishes though they won't ever put them away (I'm okay with that one, at least they're clean) what bothers me is.. I think as most people would, if there is a dish, a glass, left on the counter that isn't from my husband or myself I wash it when I do the dishes. She will leave it (it's not hers, why should she wash it). I know that ones petty but to me it just shows her attitude. The boyfriend usually does dishes (aswell as the cooking, laundry.. he's given up on trying to keep their room clean) and will wash that extra glass. If she needs room in the freezer she will take something of ours out and through it in the garbage along with the container it is in. Dishes and cutlery often end up in the garbage or have simply disappeared, supply is getting low but I refuse to buy more. I've also learned that she tells friends and family she has no money because she spends it all buying all the groceries for her father and myself and the house is already in her name. So we are living in HER house and SHE is supporting us. That one really made me angry.

She is close to losing her job for being late or simply not showing up at all, her father getting her the job at his place of work is the only reason she remains so far and the fact that a couple of times were due to hospital visits. And this is where I feel I'm the evil stepmother but why is it that every time she ends up next to death and in the emergency room with each time a different ailment it's on the weekend at around 2am when she's completely drunk and by the next night is always well enough to go party again but of course was far to sick to work. This has been going on about every two to three months since I've known her father. Once she told us she'd been stabbed, her father and I were both of course very upset and worried, she wouldn't show us, nor had any of her friends or the man she was with at the time seen it, she hadn't gone to the hospital. After continuously asking to see it to be sure she didn't need medical attention she showed us where this stab wound was, there was not so much as a scratch, nothing, no mark at all and this was two days after the "stabbing". There are more examples of things like this but I'll leave it at that. She is the healthiest sickest person I know if that makes sense.

I'd better stop here. But these are just a few of the issues I'm having. I feel this spoiled and extreme drama queen (you have no idea.. THE DRAMA!!) is taking advantage of us and I'm unable to do a thing about it. She sleeps, gets drunk and works when she feels like it and I'm tired of us supporting her and her boyfriend. It's also becoming clear to me she does not plan on leaving since her father has told her he will probably leave her this house when we move which will not be for two to five years. My husband does get upset and frustrated with her at times and may just have enough of it and kick her out, but I really don't know. I feel it's time for her to grow up, take responsibility for her life and yes move out. I am currently saving money towards a downpayment for the new house however I'm afraid it may be used to leave this situation instead. Okay, really going to stop now, honest.