DH's parents invited us for T-day. They live 5-6 hr drive south of us in the same house as his brother and SIL. We only see BIL and SIL once or twice a year if that. There is no real relationship there for me or DH.

His parents come up to stay with us a couple times a year. They just stayed almost a week in June.

I am disengaged from DH's three adult daughters. They will not be there but there is sure to be talk about them and of course the ancient past that always is discussed.

I did not want to go yet agreed with the condition we stay in a hotel instead of their house. DH was ok with this but let his parents steamroll him ( it didn't take much). To stay at their house.
I am angry that again my concerns are not considered. I told DH the reasons I did not want to stay with them. He was fine with it just as long as I would go. He cannot stand up to his parents or brother or kids. So I feel tossed under the bus again.

On top of this there is a bad winter storm here now and thru tomorrow when we are to travel. I do not want to travel on dangerous icy or wet roads. I am hoping he will make a decision on his own today that it is not safe to go but I doubt he will as then he would have to call his folks to cancel. Much better to put our lives at risk than to do that.

On top of this. I have to leave my very old dog with my groomer for boarding for two nights. I know she takes good care of her but the dog must be crated all the time at her place and she is not used to that and the routine will be more stressful for her. She has a lot of health problems and meds. I worry that the stress will be bad on her. And why put the dog thru this for a trip I don't even want to go on?

Also I have final projects to work on for my classes this semester that end next week. I am not where I thought I would be on them when I agreed to go. And I thought I would have some time on the trip to work on them at the hotel in the evenings.

If I just tell DH that I have decided not to go but he can go if he wants to, then he will not go either but will likely be mopey and miserable to be around. Whatever, that doesn't bother me, he didn't care about my concerns to plan the trip as we agreed to anyway.

And DH is so overwhelmed by his work that he will likely be sitting there at his parents checking his work email on his phone or getting calls about problems at work anyway. That happens non stop here at home. Why should it stop just because we drive to another state. So then I will be pissed at him for going all that way to visit his family when he would be distracted by work stuff anyway.
And in the past he has always drank too much when we are there so he passes out to sleep when we go up to bed but snores so much I can't get any sleep or even get away from it into another room. I just know that even though he promised he would not do the work or excess drinking so I would go with him, that he will anyway because he already changed the plan about the hotel. Another reason I wanted the hotel was because if he had to drive to go to it then he couldn't drink as much. He does not have a problem with drinking normally, I think it is just a way to cope with his family during these visits.

So I just don't want to go. If I go I have to spend the better part of today preparing for the trip and getting laundry done and dogs stuff packed and cats set up for being home alone for two nights. DH will likely work late and not get home to help in any way. He will just pack his stuff...probably in the morning will I have to take dog to kennel. So a whole day of not working on my school projects.

I just want to tell him I am staying home. Why is that so hard to do? It shouldn't be. He has no problem doing what he wants to do or in this case what his parents tell him as in regarding the hotel issue.

I just still have so much anger and resentment brewing inside from the mess with his daughters for the past two years that I don't want anything to do with his family at all. Why in hell would I want to spent T-day with them and pretend I want to be there. It just stresses me out and I need to focus now to finish my projects.
Just when I thought I was moving forward and working it all out how I feel towards DH then bam. Something else comes up. I never thought he would get invited to travel away as he can never get away from work this time of year. Yet he just goes along with what others want of him but forget the little I ask to make it bearable for me.

Sorry for the rambling. I know a lot of you here have it so much worse during the holidays. I just dread them all now when I used to have such joy for them.

I may as well just tell him I am not going. Either way I am going to be miserable. May as well be in my own bed. I just need to stand up for myself. No one else does even when the MSD went on a text rant this summer and ruined our anniversary...and she copied his parents on the text along with her BM and the OSD and YSD. No one even spoke up against all the horrible things she was saying about me. I have not had to see the in-laws since before that happened.
I should have just said no to the t-day invite off the bat. But I wanted to not be the spouse who never compromises on something DH wants to do. Stupid me...should have know it would bite me anyway.