IMO, it isn't fair to demand his 13-year old son remove a photo HE wants to have while expecting to keep an ex-family photo in your daughter's room.

Your argument is to keep your daughter's memories close. That's likely the reason for his son choosing to have a photo of his parents in his room.

The ex is removed from your BF, but not from his son's, just as your ex is removed from you, but not from your daughter.

If it bothers you to see it, don't go in his room. His son is old enough you shouldn't have to be doing anything in there anyway. That should be his private space.

I think your BF is being reasonable.

no pictures are allowed in our home of either of our ex's...period...the end....

Ahhh the old picture in the kids room nonsense. We went thru this at my house. It was a pic of BM with the skids on the nightstand of the Skids bedroom.
I put it away in SSs drawer.
The next day, there it was again.
I put it away again.
When he attempted to put the picture back on the dresser I told him straight out. "I have no desire to see a photo of your mother displayed in MY house. You are more than welcomed to keep it in an album or in your closet, but I do not want to see it."
It created a shit storm in my house but I didn't give a flying rats ass. Needless to say, I got my way. I would NOT be ok with it EVER. The fact that your DH is OK with seeing pics of himself with his Ex is bizarre too.

He feels it's no different than the pic I have in my daughter's room.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I agree with him.

If you're bothered by something that petty, maybe you should rethink this move. You haven't even moved in yet and already you're trying to change the way they do things.

The photo is in the kid's room. A room you really have no need to enter. If he tries to hang a life size photo in the family room, then you have a problem. Let this go.

I think you need to leave it alone. Some will disagree with this and my line of thinking, but it (for now, anyway) is still his home.

If you make a huge deal out of this, he's well within his rights to make a big deal out of the photo with your ex in your daughter's room.

As long as it is in their room, I see no problem with it....Other battles coming your way that are worth fighting over, not this one.

Hell no. I would not be okay with a pic of DH & bio mom. First of all, yeah the kid has a memory ok but kids also fantasize about parents being in love & a big happy family. Pics like that can be put in a small album and in a drawer. I personally prefer the trash. But yeah. The memories. I don't even know what to say about talking to bf. No display of obotos with exes in home. It would make me sick to my stomach. Either of our exes. Barf.

I think if the child wants a picture of his parents - two people that are typically the two most important people in the world to the child - then let them have it.

My 12 yo daughter has several pictures of me and her father in her room. She finds them when we go through things and likes to keep them. sometimes she puts them on a bulletin board and sometimes she tucks them away. She even has a christmas ornament of the two of us kissing on our wedding day. She tried to put it on the tree one year, but I told her she could take it and keep it instesd.

SS13 has a picture of himself and his mom and one taken on the same day with himself and his dad sitting right next to each other on his shelf. I hate looking at BM, but.. .it's his room, and his parents so whatever...

This would bug me too. I don't think it's appropriate to display a couples photo in the home. It's NOT the same as a family photo. I think your BF knows that too, whether it's convenient for him to admit or not. Can the boy have a picture of his mom alone, and your daughter have a photo of her dad alone? Would that make things fair, or would that bother you too?

For those saying "no pics of the ex in my home", do you also tell your own kids they're not allowed to have pics of you in their space in their other parent's home?

Sorry, but if I were in this guy's shoes, living together would be off the table.

You look at the photo and see a romantic couple. The SS looks at the photo and sees his mum and dad. These are his parents.

You say your daughters photo is different as she is in it with both you and your husband. Your BF could easily see a "happy family" a loving mum and dad with their offspring. He too could read all sorts of things into that photo if he wanted to. A couples photo or a family photo either one could be offensive to the new partner.

Your SS is 13 and while you find this photo tasteless, these are and always will be his parents.

If you find this so hard to take you may want to stop before you move in and really give this relationship a lot more thought. This photo is nothing compared to what will more than likely go down in the future.

It does seem unfair to me that you moving into your boyfriends home means the 13 year old has to remove the picture he has of his parents. A photo that is in his own bedroom no less. If the photo were in the main rooms I'd agree with you, that would feel weird. But this is in the boys bedroom and you insisting he get rid of it is not going to be a good start between you, your boyfriend and especially the son.

You are moving into your boyfriends home, this is how they live. Accept it or don't move in there. If the photo suddenly appears on the dining table every morning for breakfast, after you move in, then go for it and express your discomfort, but in his bedroom...... You need to leave it alone.

I think a big part of the issue with ex-photos is that people only look at it from one angle.

The adult is only willing to see the photos as "pictures of the ex" or "reminders of the past".

To the children who want to keep these photos, they are none of those things. They are pictures of their family. Divorce doesn't change that those people are their family.

I don't believe the kid, who it sounds like has had that photo in his personal space since before OP came into the picture, should have to make his space to suit the girlfriend moving in.

IMO, if a photo in a teenager's bedroom is a hill to die on, it's probably best not to take this step forward.

Everyone has a past. AGREED. But here is what I don't get. The son lives with his mom, which means he comes to his Dad's house EOW right? So, what's the big need of a photo of a couple that no longer exists. To remind him of what? What they looked like together? I think it's ridiculous. When this similar scenario went down in my house I asked SS, "would it be ok for you to have a picture of ME in your mom's house?" He said "NO" I said "Ok, well, I feel exactly the same way." And that was that.
In my case, it was OUR house that we bought together so I had a say. That is why I refuse to move into any mans house that I will have no say in. Because of bullshit like that.

Okay....here's my take on it.

I feel the same way about these pics in the skids rooms as I do about any kind of censorship. I think it's wrong to remove or destroy pics of the skids parents when they are solely in the skids room. And if they share with your own bios.....suck it up.

This is their connection to their roots. Regardless of my personal feelings about Uberskank and the fact that DH actually had unprotected sex with her, she will always be the BM to the skid. The skid loves her mother and quite frankly removing pics of her mother from her room has the same connotation as bad-mouthing the BM.

Removing pictures that hold meaning to the kid from their room is a form of PAS. We, as step-parents, sometimes have to put aside our personal feelings about these people and ignore stuff like this.

This photograph is not by your BF's bed. He's not gazing at it all night long. It's in his child's room, a room where you normally wouldn't be anyway. And it's a bit hypocritical to be okay with what you consider your family pic in your bio's room, but not okay with what the skid considers his family pic in his room.

I've already said this once today but I will repeat. Will this be one of the top ten things you will think about on your death-bed?? If not, then please just let it go.

sorry...still ain't happening...not in the house that I live in....nope...no pics.....period.....and my DH wouldn't allow a pic of BM anyways....

Your biggest problem is that you're already putting yourself in 'nanny' position by cleaning up after a kid that isn't yours. This will lead no where good since you'll be expected to fill more and more of this role. The boy should be cleaning up after himself at this point, and his dad should be there to reinforce it getting done. This way you don't have to go into his room and see any BM nonsense.

A nice Christmas gift would be a photo album that the kid can fill to the brim with family photos you never want to look at.

I have mixed feelings about the issue as well (see my recent blog post about my DW and the "ornaments"). When DW moved in with me, she had TONS of pictures. Seriously, there were boxes and boxes of photos of her, SS, and her ex (Donkeykong). Pictures of a "happier time". I put "Happier time" in quotes because in every single picture Donkeykong is in, he has the smile of a trout. I think no one reminded him that these were not passport photos. LOL

So....DW placed a picture of herself, SS and Donkeykong in SS's room. She asked me if I minded and I said no. The only thing I said was "I might have a hard time explaining that picture to your nieces and nephews when they come over for a visit though". It was an offhand remark I made due to a little incident that happened a while back. You see, SS's cousins are very young and they have never met Donkeykong. In fact they believe me to be SS's bio-Dad. No one corrected them. Not even SS. My SIL, who is a bit of a nutjob (long story), thinks it is better that way. I didn't care at the time so I just let it slide.

So with that photo up, naturally it is going to be seen by visiting friends and family (like SS's cousins) who will no doubt ask "Who's that guy?". I suppose the embarrassment of having to explain her first failed relationship was too much for DW to bear so she quickly took the picture down. We do have one picture of "the original 3" (DW, SS and Donkeykong) in the downstairs wall unit but it is camouflaged amongst a variety of other knick-knacks. Do I feel weird about it? Not really, because it isn't prominently displayed.

Skip the dad and offer the ss a photo album. Maybe make him one or buy a special one and ask the father if he has any old photos he'd like his son to have. You don't have to mention that specific photo but you can put it in there for him. Make it a nice gesture for this change in the child's life as well and put your daughters in a photo album too.

Neither pix are ok with me. Bad karma. Also silly to instigate emotions in the child that the couple should get back together.

...oops it broke when I dusted...

...oops it broke when I dusted...

I think it's weird that a teenage boy would want a couples picture of his mom and dad in his room. He's keeping it there to be a dick to you and to send you a message that you can't replace mommy. I would ignore it and remind yourself that kids with issues will eventually fall on their own sword. If you're lucky, you will get to watch.

Personally you need to stop thinking "Couples photo". They aren't a couple anymore.

They are however that kids parents. That photo is a family photo. It shows his mother and father and to any kid that is the basic core of their family. Consider these days that most parents have multiple children from multiple partners: And getting a true family photo would be near impossible and you would have to have Dr Phil there just to keep all the crazy mothers in line.

Trust me the kid is not going to forget that his parents are divorced. He is not going to wake up, see the photo and come bouncing downstairs expecting to see his mother in the kitchen flipping pancakes and pouring orange juice.

A kid having a picture in his room is not the hill to die on.
Now, if that picture was mounted in a public area of the house, or in the master bedroom I can definately see where you might have a problem with it.

This happened to me on a post Saturday. People slaughtered me. Many were supportive too. Hang in there. I personally wouldn't have said anything. I woulda wiped my ass with it, flushed it & shrugged if asked where it was. But.... Bio mom was a cheating whore, liking 18 year old boys,
who taught her kids to lie from day 1.

In my opinion I'd let it stay - over time as the son sees you both as a united front he may choose to tuck it away in an album or a drawer himself. It's his pic and he should be the one to decide to move it or not.
My son has chosen NOW after 4 years of me being married to my husband to tuck away pics of me and his bio dad - he didn't keep it to torment me and my husband, but wanted to keep the pic to know that his father and I were once happy - that he was wanted and loved and that all times weren't bad in the past.
I think ultimately let it go for now - if the child wants to move the picture, at 13, it's up to him.

Ah.. I had this happen to me!

SS's and DH moved into my home and about a month into living there SK15 was rummaging through some boxes we grabbed from storage to go through and decide what to sell in a garage sale..

SK15 was I think 13 at the time..

He finds his mom and dads wedding picture and decides to put it on his dresser in his room.

I flat out said "nope." DH agreed whole heartedly.

Why? This is our home and our family. Their marriage is over and done with. We are building a future and that is the past.

If sk wants to have that pic, great - but its not going to be in our face every day. He can put it in a drawer or wherever.

The exact same thing happened in our household, except that it was a framed 8X10 WEDDING picture. The picture was displayed in the 11SD room way before I entered the picture. I remember my then BF saying that his daughter had a picture of them displayed. After we became engaged, I put my house up for sale, and ended up selling it right away. I moved into his house before we actually married. I had to enter the room to put laundry away etc. The picture just plain bothered me. Right or wrong, it made me very uncomfortable. I actually turned it towards the window so I didn't have to look at it, and she never turned it back around. Clearly it wasn't something she looked at on a daily basis.
His parents came to stay with us for the wedding, and were bunking in her room. I told my fiancée that I felt humiliated that his parents would be staring at that picture when they were here for our wedding. He said he would take care of it, and he did. She never mentioned that it was gone. I am not sure if DH had a discussion with her or not. I figured that was up to him
I would never have a problem with her having pictures of her mom in her room. A wedding or couples picture is a bit much in my opinion. Although it would not have been a hill I was willing to die on, I am glad it has been put away 

All the photos of DH with his ex are gone. DH doesn't want to see them and refuses to have any in the house. I have NO problems with that lol

There was ayear when my kids came home from Christmas at their Dad & stepMom's. With bound photo book with pix of their Dad, SM, their ssibs,smom's family and a few (maybe 3 each - of 50 pages) of them. I HATED having that thing in my home. BUT... This was their other family, and I was not going to deny them. I know they were not allowed to have any photos of my side of the family there. And I can tell you - the kids still hold resentment for it (at 19 & 22). just something to bear in mind.