Need to vent
Sorry, but I need to let this out. So I come home yesterday from work to find SD15 taking out the garbage with an attitude. I go inside, I ask my wife what's up. She explains to me how she had to get at SD15 cause she is missing some assignments from her math class and that she basically has little to no responsibility so there is no excuse to have missing assignments. So this continues into dinner. Mind you, I have not eaten anything all day, so the one meal I get to sit down to, I have to deal with SD15 being pissy, with that sour puss on acting like a baby and my wife yelling at her. So, SD15 finally winds up getting kicked out of dinner and sent to her room. Now my wife turns to me and says that this all started this morning because my BD11 had new sneakers this weekend and SD15 got pissed because she couldn't get the new shoes she wanted for her birthday. I asked if she really wanted to go and throw the blame on me. I say on me because a couple of weeks ago, SD15 had my wife brought in to her school to meet with her guidance counselor because she was "stressed out" and that I give my bio daughters everything and I give my step daughters nothing. Meanwhile, I live full time with my SDs and part time with my BDs. So rent, groceries, cable, utilities, everything I spend on, goes to them. They can't see that, and I fully expect that. But back to last night, I said that because my wife made the issue about the sneakers, NOT about the missing assignments. I asked her what one had to do with the other, and she said I was ignoring the issue. Sadly, I cannot do ANYTHING for ANY of my children right now outside of the essentials. We are behind on many bills due to some problems I had with my ex wife and false child support arrears claims. I had extra money taken from me, not returned and legal fees to pay. I also did not take my wife's advice on some tax issues and really screwed us up. So we are not where we should be right now. But, I do not do for any, if I cannot do for all. I have no control of what my BDs BM gets them. Its not my fault that my SDs BD doesn't get them things. Those factors are out of my control. My BDs have asked why do SDs get to go to Florida every summer for a week or 2 and to Disney, and my response is that is with their dad. I have nothing to do with it. Why can't my wife do the same for sneakers and such? Am I wrong? Am I the one being selfish? Am I ignoring the issue? Did my wife indeed throw all the blame on to me? By the way, SD15 has not said a word to me since she said bye yesterday when I left for work. What did I do?
Once again, your wife is not
Once again, your wife is not being a parent. If my kids acted like that, I would sit them down and explain to them how everything "works" in our home, not how everything "doesn't work" in her bratty little mind. Just do what my DH does- take your meal into the bedroom- if things get loud and heated, shut the door- tell her to write you a Letter of Complaint with 3 possible solutions to her "problem".
No, you're not being selfish.
No, you're not being selfish. First of all, you were blind-sided when you walked into an argument that you had no idea was taking place. You then got blamed for not buying something for one child, when you never bought it for the other child.
In the end, your wife might have been too emotional to see that what she is really asking you to do is to compensate for her ex at the expense of your family. That is not a fair position to be in. You might want to talk to her about the issue, not how wrong she was, when she is calmer and can be a little more self reflective. And the issue also needs to be addressed with your SD. She doesn't get to ignore those that put a roof over her head and provide for her - especially not over some sneakers!!
Good luck,
You didn't do anything wrong.
You didn't do anything wrong. Your wife is ignorant.
I had a boyfriend who poked and poked at my daughter all day with all kinds of "infringements" we will call them. She finally lost it and let him have it. She was 9. All of his poking was uncalled for and he was really just trying to push her buttons on purpose. Then, I became the bad parent when I defended her against him. There are some stupid men out there that pull this crap. You don't seem to be one of them. But she is defending her daughter without cause.
No, you are not wrong. As
No, you are not wrong. As for your wife. I will bite my tongue on saying anything more.