Extremely Difficulty Blending, Should I leave or keep trying.
My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years. She has 2 daugthers from a previous marriage, 22 and 12 years old. I have a son who is 14 and a daughter who is 11 from a previous marriage.
Many problems exist and I have a difficulting with.
1. The younger SD dislikes me and tries to get me in trouble or my kids in trouble at every chance.
2. The younger SD is disrespectful to me, does not associate with my bio kids and has a pissy attitude frequently.
3. My wife has a pissy attitude frequently and very nitpicky of me and my kids and my entire extended family. She hates my mother, my brother and everyone in my family and has told me so. She refuses to go to any family events or parties.
4. My wife has told me she does not like my bio kids because they do not have good manners or social skills. I am working on this.
5. My wife is VERY tough and displinary with her daughters. However, it does not matter how much she punishes the younger SD, she continues to be that way.
6. I try to encorporate family things together but my wife and SD rarely particpate. Usually, it's because my wife is mad at me for something. Usually, when my kids visit me, my wife and SD leave or stay in their rooms and disassociate.
7. Yesterday, my SD took my son's cereal he was eating and dumped it all on his head, completely drenching him from head to toe with milk and cereal. All because my son ate her cereal by accident.
8. My wife yelled at her and punished her but said it was MY FAULT because I have not done enough to blend the family.
9. My wife has only been to 1 sporting event of my son's and 1 of my daughter's events in the past 5 years. I stopped asking her because she always had an excuse and if she came it turned into something negative about my kids.
9. I have had these problems prior to marriage with her and even left her 3 times because of it. Yesterday, I was done and told her I was leaving her because her daugther assaulted my son and I was fed up with my wife's attitude and that I can do nothing right. She physically prevented me from leaving and held me from walking out the door. She said she would make it better and not to leave her.
It's like a roller coaster. I have a hard enough time keeping myself from walking out on my wife's behavior, but now the SD assault on my son is making me question the safety and happiness of my own bio kids.
I do not want my children to not want to visit me because of the drama in my household. I fear that day will come if things don't change.
My wife is now trying really hard to blend the family and just planned some fun activities for today. However, alas I feel this is just a bandaid and it will revert back to the same. My wife does not want me to leave her yet she makes life for me difficult.
We have been to counciling and it helped a little, however, she intimidated the Doctor and he stopped asking the hard questions. He sort of gave up.
Do I keep trying or throw in the towel?
We've been to counseling and
We've been to counseling and will probably go back again. Every time I leave her she pursuades me to come back and that things will change. I love her and she loves me. I feel I could easily find someone else but I don't want to give up and find someone else to find out the grass is not greener on the other side. I want to make it work but I do not want the crazy drama.
My SD father died of cancer 2 1/2 years ago. Her mother was going through a divorce with him at the time and seeing me as her boyfriend when they were separated. The youngest SD is 12 years old. I have been told I did not do enough for my wife and her SD's during this period of bereavement and prior.
They lived several states away and after her father died they moved in with me. I think the daughter resents this move from her friends, family and has not made really any new lasting friends here.
Of course she resents being
Of course she resents being moved from her friends and family. When a parent dies it's important to allow the kids time to grieve. It doesn't sound like your wife did that. It's an incredibly traumatic experience to lose a parent. Now she's separated from virtually every person she could be leaning on and her remaining parent is preoccupied with the request to blend the families.
In some ways blending a family after the death of a parent is easier. There is one less Ex and no step parent on that side. I don't have an Ex that my DH has to deal with. In other ways it is much harder. This is especially if the kids didn't have time to fully grieve before having to make other major adjustments.
DH is actually pretty successful with my kids. He follows a few basic rules. He honors the memory of their dad. He listens politely if I or the kids talk about their father and only interjects if it's something positive. He respects that they are my kids and that we will want to spend some quality time together from time to time. He helps my kids when they ask for it. Most importantly, he does not try to be their father.
Throw in the towel. Your
Throw in the towel. Your wife and her daughter are both nuts.
I bet your ex-wife is going to flip her lid when she finds out that little brat dumped a bowl of cereal on your son's head.
My ex wife may file charge
My ex wife may file charge for assault. I prepared my wife for the police stopping over even for a restaining order placed on her daugther.
Is this dumping of the cereal on the head enough to fear safety? Would you leave your spouse over it? I want what is best for my kids. My daughter who is 11 years old actually DOES NOT want me to leave my wife.
Your wife is obviously
Your wife is obviously feeling a bit like myself, there is some resentment going on ,and it is caused by the adults. We as the parents pull the kids into the situation, speaking as a stepmother, your wife seems to love you , but she is not feeling that she comes first;and that you support her and back her in regards to the children. Something has taken place for you guys to loose connection. I'm goin through it now, and I want to leave also, it hurts very bad to want to have a family come together and no one wants to come together.
I've come to the conclusion that discipline is not my job for my step kids, I'm just a support system, being fair is hard in a blended family .
Have you asked your wife what she wants and how can this be fixed?
There is resentment by my
There is resentment by my wife and SD.
1. My wife blames me for pursuading her to move in with me prior to her husbands death, which she did with her entire family. Plus, I am told I did not do enough for them during this time. I did what I thought was right and later found out it was not enough.
2. My SD had an incident of another little girl bully at a park. My SD slapped this bigger girl in the face and then a group of girls wanted to beat her up and she was afraid. I told my SD what I overheard the bully girl say when she walked past us. My SD did not want to leave the park and I did not know what to do so I called her mother to come to the park to defuse the sitation between the two girls as I stayed close by her daughter to protect her until her mother arrived. I caught MASSIVE HELL for that one and the SD now says that she cannot rely on me. AND it was inappropriate of me to tell her daughter what the other girl said about her. I admitted I made a mistake and should not have repeated what the bully girl said about her.
3. My wife is super strict and her daughter get in huge trouble for alot of things, daily. I am easy going and not as strict. Resentment on uneven punishments given by both parents by the SD.
However, the real problem is not the resentment. My wife and her daughters say"All I HAVE TO DO IS STAY BLACK AND DIE" attitude towards everything. From school, to family, to friends. My wife has not worked in 20 years and use to be very weathly when the father was alive. They use to live in a home larger than most movie stars homes too. Now they live with me in a 3BR townhome, states away, that is rented and the Mansion is going into foreclousure.
So ALOT is going on. Most people would say JUMP SHIP. But my wife says NO don't go it can work.
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS STAY
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS STAY BLACK AND DIE
Are you black? If so, you have to know what that means.
The only way you can win with this one to leave. She's ( and her daughter) going to do what she want, when she want and how she wants. There isn't a darn thing you can do about it.
LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE
Just a way of saying she
Just a way of saying she doesn't give a damn how he feels or what he thinks. He can't make her do anything. She will continue to do things her way.
This isn't a line you use with someone you plan to spend the rest
of your life with.
There is also an incredible
There is also an incredible amount of resentment on your part.
Who is Keegan?
Who is Keegan?
Really - someone is going to
Really - someone is going to file for assault over a bowl of cereal? I think you all are nuts.
I agree. Maybe the SD can
I agree. Maybe the SD can also have the son prosecuted for stealing personal property.
WEB CAMS!! These will expose
:jawdrop: WEB CAMS!! These will expose your SD's toxic behaviors and will also capture your wife's vitriolic spewing towards you, your children and your extended family.
As for your Jr. BITCH of a SD-12 ... your son should have flattened her nose across her face over the dumping of cereal then kicked her ass across the dining room floor until SD begged his forgiveness.
That would just have been self defense IMHO. Bullies regardless of gender only mend their ways if one of their victims steps up and kicks the bully's ass firmly. Let your kids loose on SD to escalate the firmness of their response when she pulls this kind of vitriolic bully crap. I was bullied as a kid and it did not stop until I kicked some bully ass including splitting a bully's lip in to two dangling flaps that required cosmetic surgery to fix. My son had a problem with a bully until he finally stood up for himself and ripped the bully's ear half off of his head when the little shit repeatedly tried choking my Skid from behind on the school bus. At heart bullies are pussies that need nothing more than a good ass kicking to gain clarity. Your SD qualifies IMHO. Your own children need to apply the ass whupin on the little StepBitch every time she pulls this kind of cereal bowl on the head crap.
Rather than you leaving, re-key the locks and boot DH and her hell spawn out into the deep freeze. Do it now. If DW tries the hugging you in to submission crap again hand her your belt and tell her to deal with her hell spawn’s bare ass right now or they can both GTFO!
I have no use for this kind of crap from a kid and sure as hell have zero tolerance for it from someone who is supposedly an equity partner in a marriage/home/family.
:jawdrop: I am shocked that you have tolerated this crap for one second much less for the entire duration of your relationship to your far less than dear wife.
Man up and take care of this crap now or you are choosing to suffer your wife's and SDs bully crap. What is worse you are choosing to expose your own children to this toothless vitriolic toxic behavior.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
I hate the word blended
It's more like trying to survive! you probably need a different counselor that can do whole family counselling. And i would tell that new counsellor that your wife intimidated the last one! you guys basically need a new way of communicating and a middle ground area. Your wife, needs to parent her kids. Not bully..... Parent. And she will need to do a lot of work to get there. All in All, realize that you cannot change other people. they have to change themselves and if they aren't then they really don't want to.