Had a talk with DH again about eating disorder concerns...
I'm hoping that DH is finally starting to understand that SD14 has a problem! I asked him about SD14 and dinner last night...told him I found the food in the microwave and it didn't look touched. He said she had about 5 bites, and was supposed to come back and finish it. I pointed out to him that there were no charges to her school meal account yesterday, so that means that the only thing she had to eat were those "5 bites". DH tried to say that maybe SD14 ate half of her friend's lunch, as she has said in the past that is what she did when confronted about not eating lunch. I pointed out that I've seen the size of the school lunch plates, and half is not enough calories or nutrition to sustain a day, if she TRULY was eating half of her friend's lunch and not using that as a lie to cover that she is starving herself.
I made it clear that this starving herself to lose weight is NOT cool...that I'm waiting to get a call from the school that she passed out in color guard practice because she hadn't eaten in 2 days! I didn't even address the purging part of it all yet. DH sounded legitimately concerned, and said that he needed to think about how to address it with her.
I haven't said anything to SD14, but I have brought up to DH how she comes home from school and goes to sleep. Last night after the whole ordeal with her lying about why she had her phone in bed with her and him confronting her about her increased hibernation to her room, and the really, really terrible attitude she had with him, I pointed out that the mood swings are symptoms of nutrition problems, especially that the increase in being tired and the distancing herself from everyone are symptoms of an eating disorder.
I know that the addressing the eating disorder is not going to fix the lying, the attitude of entitlement, the self-centeredness, etc...that the eating disorder is probably a result of these things, but I'm not about to have to deal with DH if SD14 lands herself in the hospital for being stupid like this! He needs to nip this in the bud before permanent damage is caused, as well as a butt load of doctors' bills that we surely do not have the money to pay for, even if we gave up everything! He has been told there is a problem for about 2 years now...he needs to take his head out of the sand and deal with it! Time to be a parent!
With SD14, I know it is
With SD14, I know it is partially attention seeking. When she was 12, she decided that cutting was the way to go to get attention, but that stopped when she realized it just got her grounded at BM's house. The other part of the problem I know is her vanity! The girl is VERY vain! Will spend hours looking at herself in the mirror, has to do her hair and makeup even is she is just staying home, everything is "me, me, me", etc.
DH had his talk with her last night. Just as I suspected, she tried to say that she had shared lunch with one of her friends, and that is why she didn't buy lunch. Her excuse for not eating is that she just isn't hungry!! BS!! If she is seriously just not hungry that much, then she has really screwed up her systems by now...basically the body just giving up on trying to send hunger signals. DH has basically ordered her to eat. She MUST eat breakfast at home before she goes to school, he's going to be checking her lunch charges, and she now must leave her cell phone on the kitchen island from the time she gets home until after she eats dinner (she didn't eat dinner last night while DH was visiting a friend in the hospital, and her excuse was that she lost track of time talking on the phone with her friends). DH has threatened to take her out of guard if she starts starving herself again, and if that doesn't work, he actually discussed with the possibility of putting her in a rehab where she will be forced to eat.
Now, I'm not sure any of this will make her change her ways, but at least DH is finally seeing this. He still doesn't believe she is purging, which I'm sure she will do more of now just to get around daddy's orders...but eventually something will convince him in that area, as well...I hope! I also see her buying her lunch plate, but then just throwing it away. But at least she knows now that DH is on to her, and hopefully that will mean that he will be watching her much more closely, so then he will have to notice the purging.
Oh, and DH keeps bugging me about making a dental appt for SD14 and taking her, claiming he doesn't know how he can take off of work for it. I keep insisting that he has to do it. I know if he does, the dentist will see the erosion and pull him aside to talk to him...that is the kind of man we have as a dentist. He has been our family dentist for over a decade, and is a very concerned kind of guy. DH needs to hear that kind of information first hand, and not through me.
As I've said before, I suspect this has been going on for at least 2 years now. She is always tired, always cold, skin color has gotten very shallow, hair has thinned, periods are irregular (by her own admission), breath always smells really bad...all the signs are there. I just keep wondering how I'm the only one who can see that this girl's health is deteriorating! Like I said, I'm just waiting for that call from her school that she fell out in guard practice because she didn't eat! I seriously hope that DH follows through with his threats, because I know how she is...she will do what she has to for a few days...two weeks tops, and then go back to it all and hope that he doesn't notice like he did before, like every other rule that she breaks on a regular basis!
Okay, DH needs to grow a
Okay, DH needs to grow a bigger set! Dinner tonight was painful! We had spaghetti, and I gave SD14 the same amount I had...DH had twice as much as either of us. I finished my food, DH finished a second helping, and I cleaned the entire kitchen befor she finished! The whole time, she was texting, poking at her food, and looking like every bite was going to make her throw up! DH pointed out that her phone was to be set on the kitchen island until she was done eating, and she just looked at him like she was confused...like this was news to her, yet she was just told this last night. When SD14 was told to stop texting flat out, she got an attitude with DH and claimed she wasn't texting! DH just left it alone!!!! No wonder she thinks she is above rules! If I had any say, I would have gotten up and toke the phone away right then, and she wouldn't get it back for some time!
She did disappear to the bathroom shortly after finishing her dinner, and is back in her cave...I mean her room...hibernating.
That's what I've tried to
That's what I've tried to tell him!!! He doesn't ever listen!
Went to SD14's guard thing today. She did well, but I do have to say that SD14 is way out of line putting the other girls down and making it seem like she is carrying the whole team! All the girls were very good!!! SD14 needs to get over herself and learn to be a team player! Seriously!
sD14's attitude all day has stunk whenever we were around her! She copped major attitude with both DH and myself this morning. I woke her up at 7, and told her to get into the shower. I checked on her at 7:15, and she was sitting on her bed listening to music and writing something. I told her she needed to already be in the shower, and she very snooty told me "I know!!!" DH went in there at 7:30, after I told him she still was not in the shower after me telling her twice. She was still sitting on her bed messing with her phone. DH told her for a third time to get in the shower and explained to her that ignoring me telling her was very disrespectful!! That was a first!
So at 8, when we are ready to go because she needed to be at the school at 9:30, and we needed to go get breakfast before dropping her off, she still is not ready! She starts getting all huffy with DH about not liking to be rushed! He cut her off right there and told her she wouldn't be rushed if she had gotten moving when she was told to! BS19 was with us, and we all went for breakfast. Then entire time, SD14 was treating everyone like trash! DH finally had enough and told her she was acting like a snooty, spoiled brat! She didn't take too kindly to this.
DH just had to run back out into the city after just getting back from picking SD14 up after her team dinner. BM called and started immediately cussing at DH that she hasn't seen SD14 in a month, etc. Keep in mind, the last time SD14 was at BM's she snuck alcohol from BM's kitchen after everyone went to sleep and snuck out to smoke pot!!! After BM ratted SD14 out, SD14 suddenly didn't want to ever see her mother again, and DH and BM apparently agreed that it probably wasn't a good idea for SD14 to be over there. Well, DH left it up to SD14, and suddenly she wants to go to BM's and has to go tonight! I'm pretty sure the events of this week and earlierade her want to go to BM's, because she hasn't totally been getting her way! I'm so tired of the attitude!!! I wish she would just move back to her mom's and stay there...no weekends, no nothing! Problem is, they don't want to deal with her either, because she treats everyone in that house like they are below her!
That only lasted about a
That only lasted about a day!
SD14 didn't have breakfast yesterday or today...though she was TOLD she had to eat breakfast. DH said nothing about it either morning. She claims she had a burger for lunch yesterday, and that is what her account says...but of course, that doesn't mean that she actually ate it, and if she did, if she didn't purge. She actually lied to DH about dinner last night. She came home and had a small bowl of cereal. DH came home right about time to eat dinner. As we have leftovers like crazy from Sunday, it was a leftover night. He asked SD14 if she had eaten dinner, and she told them she had a sandwich. Girl did NOT have a sandwich!! I was home the entire time she was home. All she had was the cereal! He called her on the lie later, when I brought up to him that she did not eat a sandwich as she claimed. Boy was she stumbling..."Um...I thought I had a sandwich." How could you not remember what you ate just 2 hours ago? Is the lack of nutrition affecting your brain that much already? Oh, but she had no problem downing 2 sodas that were left in the fridge from Sunday...and THIS is why she is still slightly overweight, because she does not recognize that something like soda or candy actually contain calories (and not the good kind). She goes through this cycle of binging/purging and starving herself, and I'm sure at this point has totally screwed up her metabolism.
I personally think it is time to start taking a hard line with the girl! I don't care if it means taking her out of guard...she is hurting herself. She claims she wants to be a dancer, be she is destroying herself.