Society has it Backwards
I am probably stating the obvious and someone has probably already made some remark about this, but the irony just compels me to write... The stepparents are the ones vilified by society and their spouses and spouses ex spouses, but it is usually the birth parents that do the screwing up of the kids all by themselves. They pull us into their sick behaviors and then blame us when their poor parenting backfires. Why don't these parents who purport to love their kids to the point of destroying them see this??? Seriously the more I sit back and think about it every kid of divorce who was screwed up seemed to be damaged most by the behavior of the parents after the divorce which was some blend of: guilt-ridden, jealous, insecure, spiteful and/or anxious.
Is there any way to take the sanity back? I honestly do not remember it being this pronounced with the families that I knew as a youngster. I hate that I have been pulled into this craziness, and wish I could find a solution for us all.
I left the teaching
I left the teaching profession because of the crazy that is out there now. My parents never would have behaved or permitted me to behave towards teachers the way parents and children do these days. It feels as though they lose their ability to see clearly these parents. I watch the rude behavior that my husband allows his children to get away with and it amazes me. One would like to hope that they cared more about raising a child with limits, but apparently they do not. Thank you for sticking it out with teaching. We need you!
I agree wholey... there are
I agree wholey... there are such ignorant parents who think they need to be their child's friend only telling them what they want to hear. .Going along with all their tanty's.. excusing their bad behavior and poor manners. . And then expecting teachers and step mom's to have to deal with their lovely creations.... it's no wonder we have a growing generation diagnosed with personality disorder...
I think the personality
I think the personality disorder comes from behaviors that never would have been tolerated before the divorce suddenly become justified and acceptable as a result of the divorce, or perhaps it was because they would not discipline their kids during the divorce that they ruined their marriages.
Between the vindictive
Between the vindictive mothers and the guilt ridden dads these children really don't stand a chance. Much as I do not like the behavior of my stepchildren at times, I have never blamed them because in my mind they are the natural result of two screwed up parents, one who is angry and the other who is guilty.
My latest favorite was being at dinner with the one child while he spent the whole meal texting with his sibling, another elder teen, and rather than acknowledging the incorrectness of the action his father actually said "oh they are only doing this because they miss each other and maybe his brother is hurt that we went out to dinner without him." Past 16 years of age did you ever care that your parents went to dinner without you? He made it all about the one teen being hurt to avoid the rudeness of the behavior that he failed to stop.
I am happy for you and your
I am happy for you and your friends that their situations are better. I wish that such could be the case for us all. I am not really involved in a parent role either, but the resultant ire of the ex and the guilt of the husband just creates a stressful climate.
So, your spouse has a healthy attitude towards his child(ren) post divorce? I am glad for you all. It is nice to hear that there are success stories!
You only need one to have chaos, angry ex or guilty spouse, but many of us have both, and it makes for an interesting experience.
Many thanks for replying with a post that reminds that there is another alternative. I don't know if it is possible in my situation but I can hope!!!