As a childless step parent and a ex teacher. YES...harmful....codependent, and personally.....odd and super weird. I know its a personal choice, and I try not to judge, but just screams "crazy town" a bit to me, sorry.

Just plain weird. How are the kids suppose to learn to be independent? My step-sister's daughters are 17 and 15 and they STILL SLEEP with their mom. Poor old dad sleeps in one of the girls' rooms. And I can tell you the one that is 17 has no CLUE about the real world and how it operates. She is in for a world of hurt her first week in a dorm at college. The other college students will eat her alive!

I think in the beginning to each their own. I nursed my boys so they slept in my bed or right next to it, it's just easier. When I went back to work and they were bottle fed but still waking once or twice for feedings, same thing. Before their first birthdays they were sleeping in their own cribs. At times, as toddlers, my kids have climbed into my bed because of a nightmare, being sick, whatever. This was never a reoccurring thing but I let it slide on the rare occasions. My kids are six now, and ever since they were toddlers we would occasionally have "sleepovers" in the living room. They would set up their sleeping bags, a fort, air mattress whatever and stay up late watching a movie with me and we would all fall asleep.

I think it is something that could be harmless in moderation and incredibly unhealthy given the reasons why. I often wonder if the attachment parenting/co sleeping are all some sort of weird co dependency issue with the parent that they inevitably project onto the child.

My kids/skids are all still young and do have sleepovers together sometimes like I mentioned above, but I think a 15 year old and a two year old is a little odd.

I would not recommend kids sleeping together at all. When we hear about kids having to share beds here at school (I am a teacher) it always worries us because it could mean the kids are not getting adequate sleep. That said, I have done some cosleeping with my son because he was sickly as a baby...but I am at the point at two years old that I am struggling to get him to sleep through the night...and I know that is why!

Gosh parents still strap babies to their chests and backs. People share one bed - the whole family - and they all turn out just fine. Even after listening to Ma an Pa making adding another one to the family.

If it made us all coddled and dependent we'd all have moved to Canada after the revolution.

Yes a few infants get smothered sleeping with an adult but a few infants die gasping for breath when a adult present could have pulled the corner of the blanket out of their throat. Except for the obvious sexual separations when puberty rears its ugly head I think they can swap around all they want.

Having been raised in a home where I cannot remember ever sleeping in the same bed with anyone I also think that sleeping alone is just fine also. You're clearly out voted so I'd just leave it alone.

Agreed totally...my SD14 still sleeps every night with her Grandmother because SD14 was never told or taught to sleep on her own in her own bed.

IMO, toddlers and young children should only sleep with the parents maybe the first part of the night. They should never sleep with a sibling for a couple reasons.

One: it can be very dangerous. Two: kids are very curious about sexual things at a early age why take the chance that something inappropriate may happen.

Once a child starts pre-puberty/puberty they should not sleep with siblings.

Most kids I know do NOT want to sleep with someone else at 15.

co-sleeping is creepy.

the end.

Having an infant fall asleep in your arms is one thing.

SD14 sleeps with her grandmother when she stays there- WEIRD.

BM allows her to sleep in her bed. WEIRD

She would sneak in to DH's bed until she was like 9. Freaked me out and he put a stop to it. We were dating at the time... LOL- i remember going to his house, and seeing a hair tie on my side of the bed. This hair tie wasn't mine, so when i held it up, he got my reaction pretty damn quick.

When SD7 comes in she should be corralled right back into her own room.

'daddyrob' your step daughter is past puberty and out of my age range for allowing it. It's your daughter and you can veto anything you like and even not explain it if you like. Although I don't think co-sleeping is bad or good I would limit its use and you should end it in your case.

ABSOLUTELY NOT!! No way - no how - just NO!! Frig - that is so damned creepy it makes my skin crawl! She is 15 FFS! No matter WHO it is - my bio or skids - there is no frickin' way on this earth that I would let ANYONE sleep with my toddler!!! I'd be giving her the 3rd degree on why..why..why the hell would she or your wife want that???? :jawdrop:

daddyrob,

I don't know if co-sleeping only means to stay the whole night or until the child falls asleep, or both. But my wife only recently stopped laying in bed with our 13 year old SS this month. (Only because a psychologist told her to stop. I've told her for four years to stop.) Her habit was to lay in bed until he fell asleep. He now begs every night for her to come to his bed. This is part of the overall strategy (for lack of a better word) that my wife has for treating him like a small child, with all the hugs and kisses, etc. Some of the words I used to describe their relationship are "sonsband and wife" and "twin sisters," which might sound derogatory, but they're just ways I use to bring out different aspects of their behavior as a way to think about it. There is some truth to each of these illustrations.

I'm not sure either way about co-sleeping with small children and I don't have any, so it's a moot point for me. It's true that in days gone by, kids shared beds on long winter nights with no heat. My mother, aunt and uncle all used to sleep in the same bed when they were little kids, at least for a time and they seem to have had no issues between them. But that was the 1940s.

You're nailing this one exactly right. Co-sleeping is generally a whole tank load of bullshit IMHO. Even for a parent or parents and a child but a sub adult kid and an infant ... nope. Not SD's kid, not her decision. At lease in the developed world the day is long past when kids need to share body heat to stay warm while sleeping. I would go with the independent sleeping model were I you. IMHO it creates independent behaviors, more confident kids, and results in less whiney, immature behavior when kids get older. Look at your SD-15 as an example of the pukeworthy results that your DW co-sleeping with her delivered. :sick:

As for the co-sleeping between your two Skid's and your skids and your older BD's occasionally co-sleeping with their SSibs, if it is only occasional and does not get out of control I would consider it a slumber party treat and not make a big deal about it.

Depends a lot on the culture too, I think. Asians co-sleep a lot but put making the child independent and smart and strong as the forefront of their education, and it is usually born from lack of space and heat. Here, in the west, it seems that co-sleeping is used to keep your child "attached" to you, which is high sign of emotional disturbance.

BD slept in her crib in our room for the first month (only because we hadn't yet moved to the new house I was closing on) and then slept in her room until she was over a year old. Then, because we stupidly wanted to wait another few weeks before turning on the oil burner for the winter, we pulled her into bed with us for a week, and then I tried putting her back--had a few days of difficulty, but she did it. Then I needed to catch up on some undisturbed sleep and slept in our guest room... and turned out DH was sneaking her into bed with him because he missed cuddling her (UGH, do all dads do this?!?!). Then come hell or high water she refused to sleep in her room (crying so hard she throws up) and she slept in our bed since.

A month ago I said, NO MORE (I don't know how anyone can even stand co-sleeping. I wake up like I got punched in the face) and started sleep training her and she seemed to have taken very well to it. She sleeps in her bed through the night, only coming in once or twice if she had a nightmare. DH however, occasionally begs me to let her stay, but I put my foot down because I can't take it.

I think it's really important no matter what route you go, that YOU as the parent, are not the one emotionally dependent upon it. I have several friends who (due to their ethnic background) co-slept with their parents until they were 7-8. One is graduating law school, the other graduated Columbia with a financial engineering degree. Both are living in their own apartments and, by all standards, were pretty normal kids too. But they lived in very tiny apartments when they were young so it was a necessity more than a "want." When they eventually moved to bigger homes, they got their own rooms (which they were SO excited about) and didn't miss co-sleeping in the least.

My mom said (when I asked her for advice about getting BD to sleep by herself) I co-slept with her until I was 2--and that all kids will want to stop sleeping with the parent at around that age (when they get into a "mine" stage of their own room/toy/bed) and that as long as we allowed the detachment to happen, there shouldn't be any issue with them moving to their own room. She, like I think now, thinks that when the parent is the one that can't let go and force the kid to stay attached, you have problems. Not that the co-sleeping itself is going to make problems with the kid, but that the parent has other issues that is detrimental to raising a child in a healthy way.