I'm afraid that my mental and emotional state is deteriorating. I have been SM to SS17 for almost ten years. In that time I have had ZERO support from anyone except DH regarding step parenting only blame and abuse. He was always so spoiled and since I couldn't live with a child like that, or expect my kids to be not spoiled while he gets everything he wants, I said no and set boundaries and of course he didn't like it one bit. DH was spoiled as a kid but he's turned out to be a great guy, but he found it hard to say no when his mother used to do so much for him. Plus SS's mother died so he got special treatment from EVERYONE. He's been playing that card for years.

A couple of years ago when SS was 14 he had a huge abusive scary rant around my two BSs, I tried to push him in his room away from me because he was trying to intimidate me and scaring the kids and I wasn't thinking straight because the tension had built up so much. He invented some injuries and took photos and showed them to the school counsellor who reported me to child protection and then threw it in my face as if to say "see who has the power now". I am a great mother to my own children who are very happy and well adjusted so I couldn't believe that this kid who isn't even my own son could just negate that with lies. I was so devastated that I said I was leaving with the kids, DH begged me not to (I had nowhere to go anyway but I would have gotten a job and found a place) and our psychologist said he had to move out so he stayed with both sets of his very loving (to him) grandparents who all sided against me and believed all his lies. Due to that, plus financial problems on top, I had a nervous breakdown, became suicidal. Went to the doctor and psychologist and eventually started to feel normal again. We didn't go to family functions for two years while SS was always included in everything.
After two years he has moved back in with us to do his final school exams because they are so important and DH promised he has changed and that he would be all over him if things started up again. Well now he's even worse because he's older and more defiant and stubborn and spoiled. We had an argument the other day where he made it quite clear that I had better do everything for him or he will get me in trouble again. I am the sole reason his life is so terrible, I make his father punish him, and that he doesn't have to respect me if I don't respect him. I said I do all the housework and cooking around here and it is my place, and he said so what, he cleans his own bathroom and unpacks the dishwasher so he does housework too!

I made a huge effort to forgive him and be nice to him but as soon as he found out he would have to do chores and not get everything he wanted, he reverted back to his old self. The problem is I don't think I can take it anymore. Yesterday I went off at a stranger at a playground for telling my DS not to do something. I just lost it at them. I feel like I have no control over my emotions. DH has said he will try to get him into boarding school but he may refuse to go or there may be no places. I said I don't want DH to blame me down the track for breaking up his family and I that would move out and move back in when SS leaves. He said never and I don't want to split up family as everyone will blame me for that again. I've had a lot of pain in my life but I was always able to handle it but this time I feel as though I am losing my sanity. I don't know if I can live with this kid for one more second, even if I completely ignore him I am anxious if he is in the house, and when he is out I am anxious wondering when he is going to come home. I can't concentrate on anything that I enjoy, like reading or drawing, and waste my time just sitting around. My mother had depression her whole life and I always thought I was mentally stronger than her, but this is really breaking me down. I don't feel depressed just as though I am losing my mind.