It sounds to me as though her parents didn't socialize her like you did with your daughter. This of course would make them very different, along with different personality traits. It's possible she could have inherited BP disorder from mom, but as of now it just sounds as though she's an introvert, which is fine as long as she's not suffering in other aspects of her life.

IMO.

My SD12 (soon to be 13) has the same problem. No friends whatsoever. Also, the "baby" act and wanting Daddyyyy to do stuff for her she should totally be able to do for herself. I don't understand it either, but I suspect it's some kind of throwback to when she was little and felt more "special" or something of that nature. She now stands 5'7 and the other day told me that doing the dishes was too hard for a "little munchkin" like herself. I almost blew a gasket.

Your SD's Daddyyyy is not doing her any favors by babying her like he does. One of these days she probably will want friends, but like my SD, she'll be so emotionally stunted that no one will want to be her friend.

You know there might be a deeper neurological component here. (my professional expertise, not that this construes medical advice). Her difficulty with activities like bike riding, swimming, cartwheels can be a sign of gross motor development issues, where her brainstem circuits are simply not online properly for coordinating vision, balance and motion. And if those circuits are not online properly, those kids are unable to "mirror" someone else modeling the motion - there's no maps for that. And when those basic wiring functions are confusing, integrating higher processing skills such as social interactions are impaired. And parents are not usually clued into the signs of things like this, so they don't know how to interact or help her find her best processing cues.

Even the shoe-tying thing. I couldn't learn til I was 8 - I had brain damage from birth, UNDIAGNOSED, and was unable to recognize my right arm and hand as anything useful. I could not get my brain to move my hand in that coordinated fashion. I had terrible balance and motor coordination issues. Sometimes it's the WIRING not WILLFULLNESS!

My heart breaks for your SD8. I think you meant well (organizing a birthday party and sending invites) but in the end, all it did was humiliate SD8 and reinforce the fact she has limited social skills (either because she never passed the invitations out or she did, and everyone rejected her).

Let your DH raise her the way he sees fit, even if she is "weird." It seems SD8 isn't benefitting from anything you've done thusfar, and in fact, may have made things worse (bday party rejection and possible self-esteem crusher).

Support her, accept her and stop worrying. DH knows his kid best and ultimately SD8 will live the life she was meant to live with DH as her dad and BM as her mom.

What's normal to you, is not normal to her. Pretty sick to call a kid weird…the kid is not bad, just different? What the hell? It's one thing if the kid was treating you like crap, but just because the kid doesn't like the same crap her sister likes? wow…I bet you were one of the popular girls who bullied the not so popular girls…huh?

This is one of the toughest things to me about being a smom - or a mom in general. You see that there's something going on, something you think you could improve, and you can't do anything about it.

For what it's worth, your SD will likely figure things out as she hits puberty. I was a socially awkward kid through grade school, but when I hit high school I found a group of really good friends (we're still friends some 25 years later!) and developed more social skills. By the time I hit college I could talk to anyone and socialize with the best of them. My youngest SD was also like you describe, in that she NEVER wanted to try anything she didn't already know she could do. When DH made her try things anyway she got incredibly frustrated and angry when she didn't do it perfectly within minutes. She grew out of that too when she hit high school. In fact, my bio daughter who's 2 seems to be the same. My son practiced climbing out of his crib for weeks, with the expected falls, until he could do it. My daughter? One day she just started doing it like she'd been practicing for months - she waiting until she KNEW she could do it before she tried.

She's different, yes, but not really "weird". At least I don't think so. Honestly, I'd leave it alone and don't push her on stuff that's non-essential.

The only thing you *might* want to do is call her pediatrician just before her next appointment (I'm assuming Dad takes her?) and tell him about the gross motor issues. Let him know that you have concerns, but that your DH is resistant to hearing you. He can discretely have her perform some gross-motor exercises at her appointment and talk to DH about the results - leaving YOU out of it, since DH isn't listening to you. He'd likely be more receptive to hearing the doctor tell him how to help his daughter.

I honestly don't think her lack of a social life is anything for you to be concerned with, as long as she doesn't seem unhappy about not having friends. I also didn't have many friends growing up, didn't ever learn how to ride a bike, and I still can't do a cartwheel- who cares? I am a naturally introverted person and even as an adult I LOVE spending time alone and would much rather hang out with my cat at home than go out and socialize. It sounds like your skid is the same way- and that's okay! If she seems unhappy without friends then yes it is a problem, but if she's content in her own little world doing her own thing then let her. Not everyone needs or wants to be surrounded with a lot of friends and activities, it doesn't mean she has issues just because she's not as social as you and your daughter.

I feel your pain, my SD13 has always been on the socially introverted/awkward side. I still get frustrated when I see her behavior around the few friends she does have, very selfish & unconcerned with their feelings or needs. I try in vain to steer her in the right direction, but she is who she is.

Luckily, my DH can see that she isn't exactly a social butterfly (which is fine) and he tries to guide her as well. I am slowly realizing and accepting the her BM has a far deeper influence than I do and she just might become just like her BM (obese and anti-social). I am trying to let go. I see little signs of improvement and then she's back on the lazy, anti-social track. Very frustrating to witness.

Something is wrong with her brain. With a professional evaluation she could get the help she needs in socializing. To fail to do so is abuse in my opinion no different from not getting a broken arm set.

There are a myriad of conditions where people don't recognize facial and body communication for instance. Although very smart, genius at times, the condition leaves them crippled in every day life making jobs difficult to hold and marriage impossible.

Do some on-line research on Asperger's and similar brain disorders and see if you can find something you can print out and show to Daddy. If he still refuses then its out of your hands.

My exBF's son was very much like your SD8, very smart but socially inept. We had the same situation with a birthday party for him. His dad invited everyone in his class, but only one kid from his class showed up. And in this situation, there was no doubt that the invitations were passed out, biodad had given the invitations to the teacher to be sure every kid got one.

Thank goodness my two girls and my friend brought her two sons to the party. Even so, exBF's son didn't want to play with any of the kids. My friend's son even volunteered to be "it" so they could play tag, but exBF's son didn't want to play.

I felt bad for the boy, but he didn't seem to notice or even care. Part of it was because biodad didn't get his son involved in things. I told him he should put him in boy scouts and he made some lame excuse as to why he couldn't. But also part of it was the son, he was spoiled, didn't play well with others, and didn't want to share his toys. Being an only child didn't help things either.

Maybe you can find something she's interested in to bring her out of her shell.

While not everyone needs to be a social butterfly, it is important she learn how to communicate and get along with others. Social skills are important to learn because it will affect her in life when she has a relationship or when she tries to get a job.

My SS had similar behaviors to your SD-8 until late in 8th grade when he blossomed socially.

He had very few friends. The neighborhood kids tried to include him but gave up after too many years of SS being a cry baby. I remember one specific incident when the younger brother of some of my SSs' neighborhood classmates threw the football down, huffed, and said loudly "Oh My God! Is he crying again?". That incident combined with an incident with his band teacher a couple of weeks later just about completely turned my Skid in to a shut in except with his cousins and my family. Even his Sperm Clan notably shunned him during Sperm Land visitations as the younger sperm idiot spawned also out of wedlock half sibs came along and got older.

The band teacher snapped at my Skid one day late in 6th grade that "there is nothing remotely appealing about your behavior our you what so ever." Though not professional I agreed entirely with the band teacher's comments and even my DW had to counsel SS that there is a reason why he has no friends and not many people liked him.

We moved a year or so later and during the last grading period of 8th grade at his last middle school the Skid became socially very accepted and active and stayed that way through HS. He attended 3 different high schools and was popular and active socially at all three. He still drove his mom and I nucking futz but the kids at school and all of his teachers loved him. :? He even became an award winning high school musician and commented once when he won a regional award "My Hopewell band director was an asshole and I knew he was wrong."

His mom and I both laughed at that comment then I had to tell him "No son. Your band teacher was right. You have come a long way since then."

He just completed the third year of his initial 6 year USAF enlistment, is very well liked by his co-workers and leadership, is very socially active, does all kinds of charitable group activities (Habitat for Humanity, JDF runs, call a ride designated driver service, etc....) and is doing very well professionally. He is also working on his BSCS and has a strong set of friends in college too.

This may be nothing more than a pre-teen girl being very awkward which is not uncommon. She very well may be one of those ugly ducklings who will be a stunning beauty. My bride was a very scrawny, gawky, nerdy kid who became a high school hottie and just becomes more beautiful and confident as she gets older. At her 20th HS reunion last summer several of her male classmates approached me with their tales of unrequited crushes on my wife when they were in school together. "You are a lucky guy. She is so beautiful. I had a huge crush on her in grade/middle/high school but I was too shy to ask her out."

I have seen all of the pics. She was abeautiful baby and an adorable toddler but was not a cute little girl or pre and early teen at all. But she was smokin hot in high school. She was not extremely popular though and being a 16yo teen mom did not help with that but she was a beauty, very smart, did well in school, had a reasonable group of good friends, etc… Her parents being very low income did not help with her social standing back then. Interestingly at her 20th reunion very few people other than her close friends even remembered she had been pregnant or had a kid in HS.

20 years, college, grad school, being a successful CPA have just built on that beginning.

Good luck with your SD.

My SD7 has a lot of the same issues - can't ride a bike, can't swim, can't do a cartwheel, can barely tie her shoes (and only because I kept forcing DW to work with her on it), needs the shower/bath started for her, told when to wash up, told when to get out, etc. Her parents have perpetuated this behavior. Only now is DW getting to the point where she's had enough of her almost 8-year-old acting like a baby and is putting her foot down. This has lead to some meltdowns here,

SD7 doesn't have a problem socially, at least not in a not-wanting-friends way. Her issue is that she is incredibly bossy to the point where her friends tell her they don't want to be her friend anymore. As soon as that happens, its the waterworks for 24 hours. The other issue is that SD7 has trouble with doing anything a friend tells her to do, because she just wants friends - she has yet to distinguish between good friends and bad friends.

this sounds so much like my SS13. No friends, definitely one that would have been called "weird" when I was in school. He has no social skills at all, which is really strange since he was in day care for the first 9 years of his life. He has been diagnosed with ADHD but as an educator specializing in special education I believe there's more going on with him than ADHD. I believe he has Aspergers. He has, from my opinion, several of the characteristics definied on the spectrume. I feel your pain, especially when you feel in your gut something's not right. unfortunately you don't have DH's backing. which means, there's really nothing you can do. My SO wouldn't allow his son to be tested. I spent 4 years showing him evidence of my concerns, so he and BM agreed to take him to be tested. They took him to someone but didn't disclose all information so the diagnosis isn't accurate. O well.

I just allow the BM and BD to make the decisions with their child and have accepted the facts...."It's not my child, not my problem." Good luck.