Falsely Accused
Hi everyone. Two years ago my adult stepdaughter moved in with us (my husband, and my biological teenage daughter), along with her 6 month old twin daughters. My husband really wasn't pushing for his daughter to move in, but of course I insisted. Before she moved in we had a long talk over the phone. She opened up to me about whats going on in her life. She even told me that she was jealous of my daughter because my daughter has more of a relationship with her father then she ever did. I was surprised because my SD was 27yrs old and why would she be jealous at this time in her life.
Well she moved in with the babies and it all went downhill from there. The 2nd day she was there she opened up to me about a radical religious group that her mother married into, and that it was known for the young girls to be molested. She quickly said nothing never happened to her. In the back of my mind I didn't believe her.
Every Monday is pizza night and I had asked his daughter to pick up the pies. She left the babies with my daughter and I. One of the babies cries all the time and especially when she doesn't see her mother. I put her in an infant tub with their favorite show on and put some toys in the bath. I began to wash her, hoping it will calm her until her mother gets back. Suddenly after about five or less minutes giving the baby a bath, her mother immediately snatched her out of the tub and headed upstairs. I just sat there stunned. My daughter looked surprised too. So we just wet upstairs to the kitchen to get some pizza.
My SD must have went to my room to speak with my husband. After several minutes my husband asked me to come upstairs. His daughter began to talk about how she witnessed my hands in the baby's bath water and they were in between her legs. I was shocked! I said are you accusing me of molesting your baby??? I told her that's absolutely CRAZY and that she and her daughters have to leave PERIOD! To make the long story short, she left the next day.
I was very upset about being accused of something like that, and that my husband's reaction was very passive.
So now 2 years later, we recently went to a family function for the Memorial Day weekend at my sister in laws house. We didn't get there until later in the evening due to a previous engagement earlier that day. His daughter and the girls were there when we arrived. I said hello to the room, but you could already tell there was tension from her. She did not speak to me. The baby girls re adorable, they are now 2 years old. Towards the end of the night I picked up 1 baby (the non-crier). My husband immediately snatched her out of my arms and said they were leaving. I felt like my feelings were hurt. I followed my husband outside while he was putting the baby in her car seat. Meanwhile my SD came outside with a very bad hateful attitude, and was saying disrespectful things towards me. Almost like she wanted to fight me. I said something back to her and of course my husband was quiet. It turned into a yelling match and I basically told my SD F..K You. My husband wanted me to go into the house. He is now trying to diffuse the situation.
Anyway his daughter went home. I heard later that she was trying to get back into the house. I guess she was trying to fight me. My husband told her to go home and she yelled back at him and said "I hate you". Also one of my husband's sister kept saying "that's his daughter". I said so what I'm his wife, and???
I explained to my husband and my mother in law that I strongly believe his daughter was sexually abused at a young age, and she is using me as a scapegoat to gain attention.
I suggested to him that not only do we need counseling, but he needs to talk with his daughter and find out whats going on with her. Its all too crazy because she wants all this love and attention from her dad, but isn't this the same dad who married a "child molester" and harmed your baby?
I never hated someone so much in my life. I really don't think I hate my SD, but it would be very difficult to deal with her ever again. She thinks that she can have a relationship with her father without me, and no I don't believe that can happen. My husband and I are a family unit. We come together as a package.
What do yall think about this? By the way no one has yet to confront my SD on her false accusations or if shes been molested in her past.
Don't have her in your home.
Don't have her in your home. She may press criminal charges or something.
This is a seriously disturbed woman and can only be helped by professionals.
I would totally disengage
I would totally disengage from her & her kids, but my concern is your husband's odd reaction to you're being accused. Better start using voice recorder on your phone whenever she's around, to cover your azz. She sounds messed up in the head.
If all this is as set out
If all this is as set out then I agree this woman is disturbed and is a time bomb. I would advise never meet with her again and certainly it was an awful mistake to touch the children again. The one comfort is that she has not pressed any charge thus far. I would urge you to write absolutely all of this down and in fact anything else relevant to what has happened. Counseling is right for you but I would suggest the less you try to persuade DH to persuade his daughter to go for it herself, the better. YOU know you are innocent, she is not going to let go of these delusions for years even with counseling, so it's not within your timescales or reality that she will change with help. She will not. The question for you is really, why was your DH so passive? Is that because he thought there was some truth in her allegations? Or general shock? Have it out with him and find out if he harbors any doubts. If he does, leave him immediately as that way lies total betrayal. If he does not, get him to understand that if he continues to see her in any way that implicates you then this will be endangering you in terms of further false allegations being made against you. Get some guarantees out of him and if he breaks them, leave him.
The reason I'm being so tough and uncompromising in my advice about this is I'm a lawyer and have represented people falsely accused of this sort of thing. In this area, mud sticks, people have sick motivations sometimes, and the path is fraught with danger for you. I really mean it. Get her off your back in every way you can.
I agree with you, this
I agree with you, this situation is very dangerous. I adopted two older children who had Reactive Attachment Disorder. I was accused of many things I didn't do. It took some time, but luckily I proved the accusations were false. The thing is, in your case, there were no other witnesses. It is her word against yours so she is going to have to come up with proof you did it. Poodle brought up a good point: Why is your DH being so passive about something so serious and damaging to you? If it were me, I would insist he either back you up (possibly in writing) or leave. Never let SD in your home again.
Most people who make false accusations toward you, eventually make them toward others. But I'd take care of this now instead of going through years of hell before being vindicated like I was. My heart goes out to you. (((HUGS)))