Bio or Step, but basically an adult child.

So my eldest BS is 21 a fulltime college student, works minimal during the school year, maybe only 10-15 hours a week. During summer and winter breaks they increase his hours to about 30 hours, he receives minimum wage. For the most part he's always been a good kid/young adult, respectful, honest, etc. But he is far from perfect, he has his moments. For example, he told me the other night "mom, if you can? Put my laundry in the wash, I put it in the laundry room". I know this is already a red flag for most of you, but I have this anal issue. I don't want anyone touching the washer and dryer (or dishes). Everyone has their own bin and I ask everyone to place the clothes they want washed in the laundry room in their respective bin. That laundry will only be done once a week, it needs to be in the bins by Friday, and it will be washed and dried by Sunday night (that gives me time to analyze and plan my loads, I only wash a full load so I generally add towels or sheets or combine clothes to not quite full loads). Clean clothes go back in the bins, everyone folds and puts away their own laundry. He came to me on like a Wednesday. I'm sure he said something like sorry I forgot to put it in last weekend. Now it only takes me about 5 minutes to throw in a load and he doesn't do this often at all but I was actually pretty irritated, first he didn't really ask, second this "rule" has been in place since about age 10, and lastly his life is not that busy right now, it's summer break, and even when its not, his life is not that busy yet. With all that said, I ended up doing it two days later cuz he apologized again and even said he'd take it down to the Laundromat if I wanted but that he needed it for work.

So back story, I've always felt school is priority and as long as he is a full time student AND on track, I would want him to live with me at home and I will support him (minus his own personal expenditures, hence his part time job). So I provide the basic necessities, food, shelter, health insurance, and school expenses. He pays for his own gas, clothing, cell, etc. But sometimes I feel like that is not enough to teach him real life surviving basics.

I was 18 when I moved out on my own, maybe 6 months after graduating high school. I worked full time for just above minimum wage at the time. I tried going to college part time, but found myself pregnant and, for me, it was just too difficult to juggle work, school, and newborn. So I dropped out of college and attended a trade school. Struggled for years before finally working my way up to not-quite-the-top, but comfortable. Long story short, I took the more difficult road and often think that if I'd been encouraged to stay in school full time, be able to live at home, then maybe I would be more successful career-wise and provide a better life for my kids and future. But at the same time, I've learned so much being on my own, the struggles I went through taught me skills I never would've learned at home. Its totally priceless but shoot wow if I had mommy and daddy to fall back on, I probably would've really enjoyed my twenty-somethings...

So question: should I do more to encourage his independence and self reliance, let him out in the world and fend for himself, deal with life to prepare for life. Or maybe should I charge him rent, make him do his own laundry at the Laundromat, let him buy his own food, etc. I feel like I might be failing him by supporting him this much but at the same time I don't want him to give up on school either cuz he thinks he has to work more, you know what I mean?
Or am I making a big deal out of nothing, like I said its not often that "he forgets", he's generally a good kid like I said, he even still tells me when he's going out, what time he's coming home, where he's going. Are my worries pretty normal?

Also I do know that not everyone learns from experience or from life period. A girlfriend I had years ago, coincidently her life path was very similar to mine, except she was very co-dependent. Her and her then SO broke up and instead of looking for her own place, she reached out first to all friends and family for a room to rent. She gave the "6 months until I save enough to get on my feet" and I caved, I rented her a room for 400 which included food and before and after care for her son. Her and her son probably ate about 200 worth at least. So when 6 months came, apparently she hadn't saved a dime and then just moved in with another friend. We are no longer that close, she has really not learned much in her 40 years of life and is still pretty dependent on people.