We have two and DH has one (50/50)- VERY early on I made it clear that while SS was here half the time and any other children were here 100% life would not stop. While I would not go out of my way to not include SS in any outings I would still have outings even if SS could not be there. If we were in a position to take vacations I see nothing wrong with taking a trip while SK is with the other parent particularly if they are on a trip too. If I get a transplant and am well enough to travel at some point I would love to take the girls to Disney while SS is in Italy with BM's family (they have been talking about that trip for years)if they ever go.

He's not going to buy into it. You can take your kids somewhere without him and his kids but I do think resentment is going to build with both your husband and those kids if they're excluded. He can't stop you from going somewhere (I hope not anyway) so its up to you if you wish to endure the trouble that will come with that decision.

Might as well make it on a week they're supposed to visit in order to double up on the freedom from them.

Here's my problem with what you're suggesting. Its not your fault that you can't compete with the bio-mother financially. You can explain to your kids that she is capable/willing to spend more money taking them places than you can afford. Point out they she has only one adult and two kids while your family has two adults and five kids. Compare her likely grocery costs to yours. Tell them to remember clothing, electricity, water, larger home (if appropriate) more furniture etc. Good time to explain that life isn't fair, not now nor will it ever be.

It further heightens the line already drawn between kids in a squashed together family like yours. Tell them, if appropriate, that she is trying to compensate out of guilt over the divorce whereas you don't feel that guilt. (As much because every divorce is a shared cause and guilt).

..you will regret later in life basing all of your decision making around step kids...You first priority should be to your own children...No one else is watching their back like you do...The step kids mom is doing the same for her own children...they don't base their life on what you are doing with your children...and neither should you...Your children could resent you later in life for making them second on the list of priorities...and probably will...If you don't prioritize your own children..then who will?...

Are you willing to leave your older two behind ( with family members, friends or while they are away at camp)while you, husband and the youngest go on vacation? Probably not because taking a family vacation without all of your minor kids feels wrong to some parents.

Instead of trying to push your husband to do something you wouldn't do, find another solution. How about planning a variety of trips~ you and your bio kids, you and husband, you, husband and all of the kids.

I just had my stepdaughters ruin a vacation. That will be the LAST vacation they go on with us. From now on, it will only be me, my son and our daughter.
My stepdaughters to the same thing. Rub it in my son's face that they go to disney world (and actaully BITCH about how boring it was. Ungrateful brats). While my son cries because he doesn't understand why he can't go to disney world too.
We are like you and we have to carefully plan our vacations so that everything lines up perfectly, we really only get one shot. We work a lot and our budget is tight. I don't care so much about having to plan accordingly to all the visitation, but I refuse to let those monsters ruin our ONE shot at a vacation ever again!
Good luck!

It's not fair to your kids for their lives to be on hold just because stepkid is not there. Just my opinion....

I've had this discussion with DH, too. Early on in our marriage (we've been married almost a year), DH didn't want to go anywhere or do anything on the weekends that his kids weren't with us. He'd suggest that we just wait until everybody was there, which I understand, but still, if something awesome is going on on a weekend that the skids are gone, should my kids miss out? No, that's not fair.

I put it to DH this way: "Do you think your boys are just sitting around twiddling their thumbs while they're at BM's? No. They're out doing fun stuff that my kids will miss out on. So why is it fair for my kids to have to miss out on things every other weekend just because your kids are elsewhere?"

DH still doesn't like it, but I've started going and doing more on skid-free weekends and not feeling the need to wait. I enjoy outings more when the skids aren't there anyway, so it's much more enjoyable for my boys and for me.

DH didn't even like for us to have special meals on our skid-free weeks. I told him he's free to cook whatever he wants when his boys are there, but I don't feel the need to just have bland leftovers while we wait for the skids to come back. Screw that.

My kids deserve every bit as much as the skids do, and I'm not going to deprive them just because the precious snowflakes are elsewhere.