How to be a good Step Daughter In Law?
So, my FFil married a woman well after my FDH and his siblings were out of the house. Now, I have heard at least from FDH that his step..mom(EH? she didnt raise him at all? idk) has stepped on some of the siblings toes in the past and the rest of the siblings have ostracized her. FDH and I live in a different state from FFIL and FSMIL, so we have little contact with them besides phone calls.
How do I or even SHOULD I facilitate a relationship between FSMIL and myself? I do like FDH's BM quite a lot, she is a lovely woman to me and her grandkids..already asking me when she will have more grandkids (Big cheesy grin).
My thing is..as an SM, I feel like it would behoove me to take an interest in my FSMIL. The old saying the way a man treats his (step)Mother is how he will treat you...and all that.
Am I thinking too much?
Interesting question. DH's
Interesting question. DH's son got married a few years ago, and it never occurred to me what kind of relationship SDIL and I would or should have, LOL! I didn't raise SS30, so his getting married had no meaning for me. SDIL and I were friendly to each other, but there was no "relationship". Didn't matter to me if she liked me or not. We live in different states; I saw her all of three times in 6 years.
My mother is married to a man who didn't raise my brother and me. He and my DH are friendly. Neither facilitates a relationship with the other. They just go with the flow, kwim?
Honestly, I would just take my husband's lead and not worry about it. In my experience it's not a big deal.
People have fall outs for
People have fall outs for their own reasons. There is always more than one side to the story.
My best friend's mom got remarried. Her parents were divorced ages ago. The stepkids (6 adults) all have various relationships (good and bad) with StepDad. Keep in mind that these are all adult children all married with kids... Allow your own relationship to form with your Step in law. Also allow your own relationship to form with the bio- inlaws. This will take its own course. Try not to let an outside influence colour your and your FDH judgement. Let new stepmom in law create her own relationship with you guys. It is hard not to pick sides... Like you my friend has distance so she gets on well with her Dad and StepDad. The issues between her sibs and parents are just that - their issues.
This is an issue you can't really win so do what you think is best for you & FDH and The Bio or step in laws. This is also where proper boundaries are needed... You will figure it out as it goes along.
Very good advice. Couldn't
Very good advice. Couldn't have said it better myself.
My advice would be just to
My advice would be just to stay open minded. Whatever you're hearing about her may not be true. Form your own opinion of her based off how YOU interact with her and what YOUR experience of her is. It's clear there are people in my DHs family who have been influenced by my SDs version of me. That's NOT who I am. You don't have to "fix" any family rifts.
It'd be nice if you could
It'd be nice if you could give her a little extra attention IMO. If she's like most SMs, she's probably being criticized and judged unfairly. It'd be nice to have someone who's maybe a little biased towards her as everyone else is probably biased against her. Maybe even things out a little.