I knew it!

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Moved BS19 into college yesterday. All weekend and after I got home, SD15 has been going on and on and on about feeling like an only child...saying it with this huge grin on her face! I'm just waiting for her to expect more money spent on her thinking, "Well, I'm the only one here! Doesn't that mean you have more money?" Girl has no concept of what it means that BS19 is in college...that I now have this nice loan to pay, and at least during fall semester, there is no way he can work the kind of hours he was working while he was in high school (classes, studies, football, chapel time...I've seen his schedule for the first month he is there...he gets about 8 hours a day to himself out of 24, which he is expected to sleep). She also is trying to go on and on about how sad she is that BS19 is gone...how much she will miss him! Really? The two of them weren't even close! They never did anything together! UGH! I'm his mother...who birthed him and spent the last 19 years of my life raising him, and I'm not going on about it like SD15 is!

I can't even be depressed about BS19 being off to college after coming home to the news I came home to yesterday! Once I got home and checked my Facebook, there were a bunch of messages from the other moms (remember, small town). Two of my son's classmates were killed in a car accident yesterday. Upon reading the news, my sadness turned into thankfulness!!! How could I be sad that my son was away at school, with two other moms in my community will never see their sons again? Yes, I'm going to be missing a great part of my every day life now, but at least I will still get glimpses of it...I can still pick up a phone and find a text, I can log in on Saturdays and watch a live feed of the game (since it is Division II, they don't really get televised), I can look forward to BD23 and BS19 coming home for Christmas. I found myself being thankful for this, and just can't be sad knowing what these other moms are going through right now! Sad thing is, I don't think I can ever see SD15 thinking about things that way...it all has to be about her! I'm just waiting for her to come home from band today where everyone is sad (because there are upper classmen that knew the boys), and SD15 trying to make the whole tragedy about her!

Oh, I know BS19 will be fine!

Oh, I know BS19 will be fine! He has a very busy schedule out of the gate! He has been in various football meetings since about 1 p.m. yesterday...NCAA compliance, getting divided into their teambuilding groups, getting their workout clothing and playbooks, etc. Today, he has to get his concussion baseline done...it's a process he has to go through before any practice starts so they have something to use to help determine if he is unfit to play after getting his bell rung. Tomorrow he gets his uniform, and they take pictures for the roster and such, and he has his first practice. By Saturday, they will be doing their first full practice since they will be allowed to be in full gear. He really doesn't get a day off until 8/30...everyday between now and then is something school or football related...classes start on 8/20. But he is the kind of person that likes being busy...he can't just lay around all day with nothing to do (unlike SD15).

It is really sad about the other boys. In a small community, you tend to watch these kids grow up, and you become friends with their parents along the way. We are one of those communities where everyone watches out for everyone else's kids...if you see them up to something questionable, you let their parents know! No one gets away with anything. It's just the way we are out here. I can't help but extend prayers out to the families! No parent should outlive their child!

Your son is focused and that

Your son is focused and that is wonderful !!!
Kudos to him ~ it's a new exciting chapter of his life.

Difficult for parents but exciting for kids !!

Maybe now by the grace of God

Maybe now by the grace of God ~ she might see a glimpse of how others are taking the tragedy.
Will it humble her , who knows ??

My children know empathy and compassion all to well ~ after losing 5 immediate family members in the last 5 years. 3 being , there father and 2 grandfathers. Empathy n compassion are never spoken of until .... Until it happens to you ! I am a mother of 4 tremendously compassionate children. Which is a blessing and a curse. The loses they have felt has broken my heart. After one tragedy ~ they learn to cope ~~~ Bam we were back on the emotional roller coaster. Helpppp I so want to be off this train wreck of life.

I don't know what your SD thought process is but she sounds like nothing has impacted her life. At 15 she believes and has been lead to believe probably by outside sources that life is a bag of skittles. Kids don't know what expenses are ~ don't get that money doesn't grow on trees. It's a life lesson.

I understand your emotions ~ when children are taken away from us it's heart breaking. Why ? Is a question we all search for that answer. The line ~ god only gives you what you can handle is something I have heard over and over again. If it's a test to determine my strength I must be the Incredible Hulk.

Hugs you children a little tighter today n thank god they are safe and still hear. Losing a child is something I wonder how people have the strength to go on. Those people are my hero.

If SD15 doesn't get a lesson

If SD15 doesn't get a lesson about grace and compassion in all of this, she will probably at least get put in her place if she tries to make it about herself! She has only been in this community a very short time compared to everyone else. All these kids out here grew up together! She tries to make it about herself, someone is sure to smack her down, even if it is just figuratively!

And maybe SD15 will learn something that you can't learn in the city. This is a very tight-nit community out here...people do for each other. Bartering is still very much alive and well here ("Oh, you need a set of tires? Hey, can you come trim my trees for me this weekend?"), people watch after everyone else's kids ("Mom, but..."..."Yeah, Mrs. _________ called me two hours ago!"), and seriously...you could rob this town on a Friday night because EVERYONE is at the football game, even after their own kids have graduated (your kids are gone, so you go cheer on your friends' kids). There is something to be learned in this kind of life...something so many people do not have the opportunity to experience!

I know what you mean about

I know what you mean about the "mom" thing! BS19 and his close circle...everyone called everyone else's mom "mom". You get to learn all their voices, get used to responding to them, etc. It was funny during team dinners last year...one of the kids would say "Hey, mom" and about 4-5 women would turn around and respond to them! We would all just laugh it off.

Seriously...I was just

Seriously...I was just walking through the house doing my laundry thinking...I can't wait until SD15 tries her infamous "that's not mine" or "it wasn't me" reactions when she is told to clean up something! I will have to gladly remind her that she is the only child in the house, and well, neither myself nor DH left candy wrappers laying around, or a glass half full of milk! LOL She's so excited about being an "only child" that she forgets it takes away her ability to try to place blame on someone else!

And she will get more chores

And she will get more chores !!!! Yay

Congratulations mom!! You

Congratulations mom!! You have raised a good kid who is off on the next phase of his life adventure. A college athelete! Awesome.

My condolences to your community on the loss of two young men to the auto accident.

Thanks!!! He has always been

Thanks!!! He has always been a joy to be around, which means I will really miss him in this house. All my friends who have known him since he was little all describe him the same way....respectful, humble, loyal, dedicated. Team is a big thing to him. Yeah, kid has a lot of talent, heart and skill, but he knows it all means nothing without the rest of his team! This summer, he was already talking about taking what he learned here to college with him...talking with the guys to see if they would be interested in taking a night a week where they all just go eat and hang out to get to know each other and build off the field, etc. BS19 was team captain here in high school elected by his peers, because he was seen as always being that guy that tried to pull everyone together. If there was disagreement between team members, he would try to meditate the situation to the point that the guys would at least work together in the field regardless of feelings off the field. Kid is a natural leader...why he is going to make an awesome coach one day!

I am not sure why but your

I am not sure why but your description of your son choked me up a little bit. I am a big fan of strong and effective parents and their respectful and successful kids.

Please keep us up on his college adventures.

BS19 - proof that being a

BS19 - proof that being a divorced BM doesnt have to produce dysfunctional fuckup children.

Exactly!!! And BD23's and

Exactly!!! And BD23's and BS19's lives weren't perfect! My ex was abusive to me, and you can only hide so much of that from kids. But I never really was a victim...if that makes sense. I showed them how to move on and live life! Following my example, my kids moved on from it and used it as a learning experience. Just talk to BS19 about relationships! He will tell you that when he is dating a girl, he treats her well! He doesn't flirt or cheat...he doesn't try to control them. He will tell you straight up, "I've seen that crap done to my mom...I see how it hurt her and I don't want to make anyone feel like that! Ever!!!"

I wish I could be a bug on the wall in his classes sometimes. He has gotten into some tense discussions with folks about entitlement with his peers. He is always careful about respecting other's point of view, but he makes it clear that he feels most of the problems this country faces today is because too many people just want things handed to them rather than work for it! I know...crazy stance from a person his age, right? BD23 thinks the same way...why she works 2 jobs and hardly talks to her old friends who complain too much about never having things. BD23 always tells me, "How hard is it? You work, you pay your bills, you put a little in savings, and what is left is what you do whatever with! Why do they think the first place you go on payday is the mall?"

this entitlement generation

this entitlement generation is going to have lasting, mega impacts on society as a whole.

1 - no workers, means no social security for the current generation and their parents
2 - lack of work ethic and lack of social security - who will take care of aging parents? these kids cant take care of themselves, how will they care for someone ill/impaired or make any sort of decision on how to find someone who can/will?
3 - the fools who get pregnant, married or not. a greater expansion of the welfare state. we already have an entire generation of people who know nothing other than living on welfare. Now we are going ot add to that a generation who didnt come from welfare but will end up on it because they lack basic life skills
4 - manual labor force - we are already experiencing shortages of skilled tradespeople like plumbers and electricians. how will the entitled even find people to do their stuff for them?
5 - military. we eventually will have no one mentally capable of this life. i have friends who serve now and have been in for well over 15 years - even they say military life is already not as strict as it once was.

the list goes on...

here the system is too easy

here the system is too easy to game.

i have had people apply for good paying full time jobs in my organization who then turn them down. the reason? "if i make more than X or if i work more than X hours per week i lose my food stamps/housing voucher/WIC/etc"

sadly our system is designed such that people can supplement a PT job with government benefits and there is no forcing them to work FT and get off the system.

It is a sick system ! I am a

It is a sick system !

I am a single ( widowed) mother of four children. Have to college aged kids. I collect SSI survivor benefits and my children fall off of SSI at the age of 18.
My older daughter was a full time college student and had no health insurance. She works right now summer time. Her work does not offer health insurance unless you work more than 30 hours. Obama has made it difficult for people to get health benefits for small business.
I can not wait until she is gainfully employeed in her college field.