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BM is making ridiculous accusations, and rules for her child

starfish1012's picture

Submitted by starfish1012 on Mon, 08/18/2014 - 8:15am

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At the end of last week, BM was exercising her one afternoon a week parenting time. Toward the end of this block of time, she started texting DH about me very hatefully. Her main complaint was that, according to her, SS8 has told her that I do not allow him to call her mom and that I command that he calls me mom. And this is absolutely untrue.

She said I “overstep” my boundaries all the time and this is just one example.

DH explained to her that I have never said anything like this. Also, that he has always told his son that he can call both of us mom if he wants, but that he won’t be forced to call anyone anything he doesn’t want to. This is the stance DH and I have had since the beginning.

BM said no, actually, her son is not ALLOWED to call me mom.

Background info: I have acted as a full-time parent to SS8 since he was 2. She was completely out of the picture for over a year, which is why I really stepped in at that time. Also, BM is a very passive parent who never goes out of her way for her child. She hands over all school paperwork, doctor’s visit, etc. responsibilities to me and DH.

**

So my main qualms are:

a.) I overstep my boundaries? I think not. I only step in when she does not. Like I told her, I act as a third parent—which is what SS8 deserves!

b.) He’s not ALLOWED to call me mom? She’s going to dictate what SS8 calls me? That seems really controlling and childish to me. It’s not like we’re the first blended family on the planet. Children call their step-parents mom and dad all the time.

c.) The texting battle she started was during her once weekly, very precious parenting time! Wouldn’t you think she should use this time to bond with her child?

Furthermore, later that evening I texting BM a short and sweet “I never said anything like that” and “I love your son and only ever act in his best interest” and received no response.

Wtf?

starfish1012's picture

Submitted by starfish1012 on Mon, 08/18/2014 - 8:24am

There was no such stipulation. And that sounds a little antiquated to me...

And the bottom line is, SS8 doesn't call me mom at all. I guess that would have been good information for me to include!

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Mon, 08/18/2014 - 9:14am

Hell, most of the teen girls that ride at my barn call me Mom. No one gets offended. One girls mothers will actually tell her daughter "Go ask your Mom"... meaning ME, when she wants to do something.

You have some fun years ahead.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Mon, 08/18/2014 - 9:29am

I get that you're pissed, and I even understand why, but take a step back and try to empathize with BM for a second. She likely didn't pull that out of thin air, which means SS8 (for whatever reason) said or implied it. We had several instances of the skids "stretching the truth" between houses. They're not even bad kids, it was more like they wanted to be sure that both parents were always on THEIR side (the kids) and the best way to do that was to make sure the parents weren't on the same side.

So, you've got a BM who screwed up, hasn't been there for her kid, KNOWS that - and he tells her (or implies) that she is being replaced and that you are *demanding* that you be the one to replace her. Sure, she's a crappy mom, but that's still going to hurt. And hurt people lash out with anger.

The best thing to do as far as BM is concerned is basically what you've done - tell her that you are not demanding he call you mom, and keep emotion out of it.

But you've still got to talk to SS8 and find out why he started this. He will probably deny it though, so make sure he knows that this sort of thing is very hurtful to both you AND his mom, and tell him lying always causes more problems than it solves.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 08/18/2014 - 9:43am

"Mom" and "Dad" are terms reserved for the primary mother or father figure in a kids life and have absolutely nothing to do with biology IMHO and have everything to do with the responsible adults that take the action of being mom and dad. Fortunatley for most kids that is their mother and father (the BPs)

I am the first person my Skid (SS-22)ever called dad(dy). His worthless POS Sperm Idiot is no father and never has been. He is the Sperm Idiot. That is it. Any Bio Parent that has to rant about their kid calling someone else mom or dad most probably is far from a mother or father anyway so ignore them and keep doing what you are doing.

At least that is what I did.