How do you stay attracted to/in love with your DH?
Hi all. Firstly, thank you, you've no idea what great help your writing on here has been to my sanity! This is my long overdue first post.... I will soon share more of my story, but feeling too drained to write at length tonight... In short, I have been with DH for 7 years, married for 2. We have 2 children together , one 5 and one 7 month old. DH has a sd who is 18 years old (turning 19 in a few weeks and expecting her first baby next month!! Don't get me started on that one.....). She has never lived with us (BM would not allow it!!... Also another loooong story) but I've come to think, thank goodness for that!! BM and DH were separated for 2 years before me met..... BM refused divorce..... I got pregnant with DH (big surprise!!) extremely early on (still dating but we knew we wanted to be together, we were deeply I'm love). I wanted to wait until 5 year period of separation had passed and another year to get divorce through but hey.... Life happened and we got pregnant and had our little boy!! You can only imagine how crap that pregnancy was..... Anyways.... I have one big question for you, particularly all of you who have disengaged.... How on earth do you stay attracted to your DH when he gives in to SD's stupid requests and dramas???? I am trying to figure out how to disengage from her without disengaging from DH also..... I find it so utterly unattractive when he gives into her crap.... Like driving her around places now she is pregnant... She is getting married end of month!!!! It's not DH's place anymore or am I wrong?? Advice please.... I love my husband. He tried hard to break from her.... Obviously not hard enough. He is a good man... Feels bad about "abandoning" me for her dramas.... He has gotten WAY better but with a grand kid on the way things are not looking up.... It's like being back to square one again 
That's what I mean yes. He is
That's what I mean yes. He is a good man, he can't cut out his needy daughter entirely ( but mostly at this point) who has been suicidal I'm the past, and can openly admit that to me and works on it as he understands me and where I'm coming from. In my eyes that's good.... Nevertheless I am still not sure how to disengage from his toxic daughter whilst not feeling distanced from DH..... And how do I help keep up good relations between our bio kids and their half sister?!?
If she's a bitch, that's the
If she's a bitch, that's the wrong question. It should be, how do you ensure that they are protected and kept independent from her whilst being polite to her? From how this reads you have made so many sacrifices in the spirit of idealism and principle but he has not lived up to the same ideals. I so know how this is because I went through it. I overreached my generosity offering this and promoting that. Make sure you don't let that generous-spirited, sacrifical attitude cause you to enmesh your bios with her shit.
TBH, i am "dickmatized". DH
TBH, i am "dickmatized". DH is hot and great in bed. That goes a long way. And when he is on his game, he is a charming, wonderful man. He really is a good dad to our children together. It also helped tremendously when SD left back to arizona. The hormones came flooding back. But when she was here, it was an effort to remain engaged with him, until he got fed up with her BS and started getting into my corner and parenting her.
Not me, but could be
Not me, but could be me......!! It's pretty much how I feel!! In a way I do love him when he tries hard with his skrewed up kid but When DH gets too weak and gives in to manipulative and pathetic demands the libido for him goes out the window pretty much.
I like to think of my
I like to think of my relationship like a rock and every disrespectful thing DF does ~ just chisels away our relationship. Soon it will crumble. I do lose respect for him like he is her damn patsy clown. Hey Mr Magoo takes those rose colored glasses off your daughter is no prize.
Love it notmyfairytale
Love it notmyfairytale
Thanks all for your input!
Thanks all for your input! After a day of utterly abusive texts from BM and SD18 I am sure that from now on I will totally disengage. No matter what I do.... Being the one that sometimes was the ONLY one there to support SD18 all I get is crap, and I am ALWAYS the one at fault....
Example of the abusive things entitled BM feels she has the right to rant to DH about him and his wife..... She has sent these kinds of threats million if times about minor things .... And there is no one that had been there for his daughter as much as DH!!!!!
"That of so innocent fraud isn't helping you understand your daughter. She us thriving on your disdain for ****** . You are s terrible father, abusive and judgemental. Start to look at it and you will see how 1toomany is thriving on your daughters distress. She is a fraud. You're a bully of a father. You've been a terrible father , don't kid yourself, no open heart and no genuine love . You're a fraud. I can no longer have my daughter abused, so come to grips what I'm saying or our relationship will come to a formal end"
Surprise surprise SD has exactly the same mind/,mentality! The drama queens, always the victim and absolutely no space or understanding for other peoples views or actions. They have hi responsibility for anything ever.
I am so frickin done!,!!!!!!
I love most everything about
I love most everything about my husband except how he is as a father. So since I am disengaged and most of the skids are adults, its easy to over look that.
When we do have to deal with skid issues or the skids are pissing me off, then I do look at DH differently and feel less attracted to him. Thankfully its not that often.