Is there anything in a CO or a divorce decree that says Anything about a car or insurance?

We don't have combined finances, so whatever DF and BMs decide to give their daughters will not impact me. As long as DF can cover his share of the household expenses, I don't care what he does with HIS money.

The same applies to what I spend on my son. DF has no say at all. MY KID, MY MONEY, MY CHOICE.

... Ok, so they each have the kid 50/50 but what does the paperwork say? Because if the paperwork is silent on the subject, it doesn't matter What BM may want or Expect, you and DH can tell her to shove it. If he doesn't want to buy the kid a car, doesn't have to.

BM in our situation didn't try to go the buy the car route, but she tried to make DH pay for car insurance. She basically got told to suck it. So she took it to court. Court told her not their jurisdiction. BM in our situation Expected a hell of a lot, she got CS and that was it. Thank god she never thought or DH wouldn't agree to include college, cars, insurance, etc in the divorce decree. And because it wasn't in the DD, BM got told to move along entitled one, move along.

Buying a car for a kid is a poor idea. First almost every kid doesn't appreciate it. They'll abuse it, perhaps not maintain it plus its dangerous. Unless a kid is driving alone their chances of an accident go up by 10 fold or so because they want to show off to the passengers.

Insurance does not cover a major injury or death completely. If he should seriously harm someone they will lien your home, car and paychecks. Now they can't take your home or car until you die but a part of your paycheck can disappear down that drain for the rest of your life. Then they grab social security and whatever employer retirement you may have. You'll never have enough money to pay into a retirement plan of your own such as an IRA.

It's irrelevant what the BM says, wants or needs. If she wants to take complete custody and buy a car and insurance and take the chance its up to her but don't let the 50/50 arrangement stay in place if she buys him a car. The liability is just too great. You must relinquish full custody.

Better yet have him get a job and buy his own when he's 18 and a day.

Make sure you have any agreements in writing if your DH does buy a car. My DH bought SD a car when she turned 17, and he told me that BM would pay for the insurance. It wasn't in writing, so she refused. She also refused any maintenance on it as well. There was so much drama related to that vehicle that finally (a year and a half later) I convinced DH to either sign it over to SD and let her figure it out herself or sell it. He listened and signed it over, and that was the best thing he ever did. If only he had a written agreement.... *sigh*

Why does a minor need a car?

Why should any kid get a car they don't pay for?

Why would you give a shit or waste one pico-second of brain time on what BM's expectations may be for DH buying the SKid a vehicle in 4 years? When the time arrives you and DH can discuss it then do what only the two of you decide. What BM wants or thinks is irrelevant.

Of course the SKid will want a cool vehicle. Just about every kid fantasizes about what their first car will be. Corvettes, sports cars, 4X4s, classics, etc.... They get what they get it and guess what , they will love it no matter what it is. It will be nicer than the cars of some of their friends and classmates and not as nice as others. They can hope and dream and demand all that they want but unless they buy it for themselves they get what they get including nothing if that is what is decided by you and DH. If BM wants to buy the Skid a car, by all means she can.

Like most teens/HS kids I had delusions of grandeur for my first car. I ended up with a '69 Ford E-100 cargo van that was functional but not flashy. It had two seats (driver and passenger in the front), and a platform bed in the back. In the middle was just space. It was carpeted on the floor, ceiling, and walls with remnants from a local carpet store. If anyone wanted to sit in the middle they sat on the beer coolers or brought their own lawn chair. Some of my friends had brand new Camaros (early 80s), BMWs, Benzs, junkers, and everything in between. Guess what vehicle everyone wanted to take on outings, wanted to borrow, etc... ? Yep the trusty "Fuck Truck”. It was big, had a bed in the back and could take a half dozen or more teens and all of their crap on spring break skiing trips to Colorado, to the lakes, parks, bars, drive-in, etc… on the weekends and it probably got more mileage in the school parking lot than it did on the road.

There were many evenings when I was studying in my room in the barracks (Military boarding school) and a friend would sneak to my room to borrow the keys. Rule #1 was if you borrow it you fill it up even if the tank was empty when you borrowed it. More often than not the person borrowing the keys would say “Oh, we aren’t going anywhere.” then would grab the keys and head to the parking lot with their clean set of sheets. Rule #2 was if you have sex in the van you use your own sheets and leave the van the way you found it.

I got to drive some very nice cars because of that van. Often when I would pull in to the driveway to pick up a date I would meet their father would toss me the keys to his car and say “Here, take my car. Leave that thing in the driveway. Have her home by midnight.” }:)

That van still has legendary status at alumni reunions. Some of my school mates have made it a tradition to bring pics of the van’s adventures to alumni gatherings even more than 30 years after graduation.

No one talks about the new sports cars, etc.. they were driving in high school.

Your Skid will have stories to tell of his first car regardless of what it is.

I suggest a 12+ year old van. It will be cheap, safe, and the memories that SS and his friends make will be nearly infinite and priceless. If it gets flipped in an ice storm, driven in to the MO river, stuck in the wine cellar ruins of an old winery, the roof dented by having too many sunbathing girls on it during spring break at Lake Havasu, gets smoke stains on the paint from building a fire too near it when the regulator goes out halfway across Kansas on a spring break/beer run road trip to Colorado and you and your 5 closest friends are waiting in the snow for a tow truck to show up before you freeze to death, etc...... it won't really hurt the beast and will only add to the legend. There is pretty much nothing that can happen to it that a few hours of remodeling after a trip the carpet store for remnants won’t fix.

This is a non issue. Don't turn it in to one or let BM or the Skid turn it in to one.

IMHO of course.

SheSloth is 15, and has started bugging to learn how to drive and wants a car for her 16th b-day! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!! And no, she doesn't want an old beater like BS19 had for a first car...nope. She has this nice little list of cars she wants!

DH keeps trying to say that it is time to teach her how to drive. MIL keeps asking when SheSloth will get her permit, so that she can start taking her driving. I keep reminding DH:

1) BD23 didn't keep her grades up in school, and thus, did not get her permit/license until she was 18...after she left home! We never bought her a car! If she couldn't handle the responsibility of school work, she couldn't handle the responsibility of a car...at least that was the rule.

2) BS19 got his permit late 17, and didn't get his license until about 18. We HELPED him get his first vehicle, and he got a job to pay for gas and such. BS19 didn't get into trouble, kept up on his school work, etc. He showed he was mature enough to handle driving.

3) SheSloth can't follow simple rules...like no showers over 15 minutes, not using certain apps that DH has deemed inappropriate but she uses them anyway, doesn't clean up after herself, hangs around questionable people, has a history of lying, has a history that involves alcohol and pot, treats everyone like crap, etc.

I tell him that based on the above, I can't see how he could ever consider letting SheSloth drive any time soon! If she can't follow the simple rules already put forth, how can she be trusted to follow the rules of the road? If she can't follow the rule of not staying up until all hours on her devices, how can she be trusted to not text and drive? As parents, we have to fully assess a child's maturity before we allow them on the road. It is our responsibility!!! We are not only putting our child at risk if we allow them to drive before they are mature enough to make good decisions, we are endangering the lives of everyone else out there! It is not a decision to be taken lightly! 16 does not mean automatic right to drive...it doesn't mean we have to hand over the keys to a car! Too many parents don't get that!

SD19 has two cars. T-W-O TWO. DH was offered a company car when SD turned 15. We still had payments to make on the used car, but I suggested we hold onto it for SD. She failed her first driver's test because she rolled through the stop sign. Rather than wait 4 months for the next available test date, DH drove her 85 miles one way to another county to take the test again 8 weeks later. We told her she would have to pay insurance on the car and she did for about 1-1/2 years. Then she went to college in Fall '13 and DH said she couldn't pay insurance since she was in school and the car was at home anyways. SD had 5k in her savings then. BM had made her save all of her birthday and Christmas money for a new car from about age 12 on up. We were generous and gave SD the car for free. We put her on our insurance even though the car was parked in front of BM's every night where SD lived FT. BM died in early 2013.

BM left her car to SD as well, so we added another car to our insurance. DH drove it and it served him well, it was a newer model. We joked that BM was turning over in her grave because DH was driving her car, but SD liked her first car better. Then it started having probs and DH got another company car. So SD19 has been driving BM's newer model car for the past year and took it to college this year. Both cars are full of trash and crap and she doesn't take care of them. The Skids are 6 years apart and I am not going to double up on cell phone costs, cars, insurance, etc. SD19 will have to start paying her own way in the next few years. DH has spoiled her rotten so I have my work cut out for me.

Oh, and this summer SD19 said she wanted to trade in BM's car and get a convertible. I said, "Oh the insurance will sky-rocket." SD19 has no clue about money. BM's car trade-in value is about 7k. A cheap convertible would be maybe 35k? The payments would be horrendous. Yeah, shot that idea down and did some quick math for SD19 who doesn't like to pay for anything except clothes that she buys online. She is in for a rude awakening. Gotta work FT SD19, and even then, you prob won't make enough. }:)

~ Moon