Friday From Hell...
So ss12 gets out of school at 2pm and is picked up from school by us. At 12pm DH gets a text from BM saying that SS12 has a doctors appt at 3:45pm for a sports physical and will be done at 5:30pm for pickup. So he texts back that we have a funeral to go to in the morning at about 9am so we can pick him up on the way or after the wedding, and asks if he can pay the bill for the dr appt since she went ahead and bought him all his school supplies and didn't say anything to DH. She says "well I wasn't planning on having him tonight" (Must have a hot date with her bf that has 5 kids of his own) And we said that because now she put us in commute traffic for a 6 hour drive round trip. So he's like whatever, I'll just leave now and be there at 5 and hope to be ahead of the traffic ....so then DH gets into the car and his son 12 calls and says, "oh yea by the way I have basketball tryouts tonight and I won't be done until about 8pm or after."
..............wtf
DH is pissed off now because then he won't get ss12 home till after 10pm, ss12 will just sleep in the car then go to bed when he gets home, so really what is the point of getting him tonight now??
So he asks to talk to BM again, she calls him back. He asks what is going on, when does he need to get ss12 and why on earth is this all such late notice. BM gets all asshurt and says "oh 12pm wasn't early enough??" what the hell!!!!! How long do you think she made this appointment in advance, and why on earth is she making it on DH's weekend with his son, forcing us into commute traffic and telling us 2 hours in advance!! What a bitch!!! Then she starts talking shit, saying its OUR fault that we live 2 hours away now because of his job and blah blah, then she starts saying "f u" to him. Then starts insulting him "Oh yea you get your 3 days in this month with him, and you call that parenting!" We get him every other weekend, with pickup on Friday at 2pm ....usually he goes back Monday morning or Sunday around 8pm.
It's like BM does this to herself. My mom claims that she wants to be a martyr. Like ohhhh poor me poooooor poooooor me I have to do all this for my son because dad works 2 hours away. She does it all, makes herself miserable, then uses it against DH. DH could have gotten him at 2pm and went to the dr appt so she didn't take off work and have to, but she didn't communicate it at all until 2 hours before!!! I cannot believe that this 44 year old woman was screaming fuck yous at DH.
We just wanted to know when and where to pick him up, not a war. She already made it clear that he couldn't spend the night and needed to get picked up. Why is there such a problem with communication????? This could have all been easily avoided. But she is really a jerk for making a sports phyical on a friday at 3:45pm. Like seriously???
God this BM is such a bitch, I stayed home to stay out of it because now I am sure DH will run into her at the tryouts and I don't want to see that bitch because I want to knock her ass out. Plus, it's already taken DH 45min to go just a few exits thanks to a car accident. UGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
And now ss12 gets here and my house will explode with messes. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
ha.....I meant funeral***,
ha.....I meant funeral***, not wedding.
Martyrdom is a favorite
Martyrdom is a favorite activity and voluntary condition for many in the toxic blended family opposition. Seemingly all of them feel they are abused, victimized, and manipulated when the martyrs seem to invariably be the abusers, victimizers, and manipulator.
When my SS's Sperm Clan went all martyr on us we used the CO to smack the shit out of them. When it was inconvenient for them to take the kid instead of feeling sorry for them we told them take him or don't you don't get more time later because you did not plan or budget for the visitation. This of course brought out the whining, sobbing, and gnashing of teeth in spades. It was clearly stated in the CO that missed visitation could not be added to a later visitation. Mentioning that fact of the CO just threw them in to writhing martyr apoplexy which we quite enjoyed. At a couple of points under our 17+ year CO they went a year not seeing the Skid due to their martyr bullshit. At those times we paid for their travel costs because we felt it was best for the Skid not to go any longer without a Sperm Clan visitation. But we did it in a way most inconvenient for them. We picked the start and end days of those visitations, we red eyed the kid in and out of Sperm Land at the times most inconvenient for them . We made them break their vacation to pick him up or get him to the airport. They often ranted about who would have to leave their vacation week time share (given to them each year by a Judge that Sperm Grandma is the housekeeper for)to pick up and drop SS of at the airport several hours drive away.
Hey, if they want to manipulate about how broke they are and how unfair it is that they could not afford to pay for visitation travel while spending far more on having a fun time on vacation we had no issue making our generosity as bit of a PITA for them as we possibly could. }:)
The only way IMHO to deal with this crap is to use the CO to smack the shit out of the BM in your blended family situation and serve up her martyrdom on a silver platter. The primary power and advantage that an NCP has is that visitation is court ordered and must be supported by the CP. The NCP does not have to take each and every visitation in the CO. DH needs to learn that when BM plays this SKid activity conflicting schedule martyrdom bullshit that he can just tell her "Never mind. I won't be taking visitation this week(end) since you are screwing with my time with my kid. I will get him next week(end)." and put the PITA manipulation back on BM. Interfere with her date/party weekend until she learns to grow TFU, communicate, and be reasonable.
IMHO of course.
Damn, we didn't even think
Damn, we didn't even think about telling her that we would just get him next weekend since she took up DH/ss's time friday. Thank you for the advice and replies! That would have completely ruined her weekend since DH dropped him off and the boyfriend was still over at her house Sunday night. The little weekend sex-capade would have been destroyed!
I am now keeping a journal of everything ---finally!