Enabling Teenagers
I am so glad I found this site. I am about at my wits end with my 17 year old SS.
In a nutshell, he does whatever he wants. Leaves for days without telling anyone where he's going. Comes home at 1 am on a school night (if he comes home at all). So far this year he's missed 10 days of school and we're barely into October because he either is too tired or at a friends house. Counselor called me yesterday, I frankly told her he's got a foot and two hundred pounds on me, I can't physically make him do anything. Last time I tried to ground him (for disconnecting the living room audio equipment and trying to set things up in his room) he just laughed at me and ran out of the house then proceeded to call his Dad and tell him I was being 'crazy' and he was scared to come home. I'm digressing, anyway, so the counselor told me they were giving him an ISS to catch up on his work (missing 10 assignments in one class for example) which I said good, maybe it will help show him consequences.
I get home SS finds out about this pending punishment and gets mad at ME for not sticking up for him. Says I should have called him in Sick! I said no, that would be a lie and I'm not lying to cover up your poor choices.
The sad part is, DH agreed with SS and called this school this morning to excuse all his absences!!
I thought about just counting down the move-out clock on SS, but I have four other boys at home and SS13 is already starting to follow his big brothers poor example (that's a whole other ball of wax.)
I have absolutely no idea what to do at this point, I do not want SS13,DS9,DS7 and DS6 thinking this kind of behavior is okay.
Any ideas (besides tar and feathering DH) gladly appreciated!!
Wish I could offer advice,
Wish I could offer advice, but I'm also married to an enabler! SheSloth doesn't clean up her mess? He does it for her. She doesn't want to go to school because she is too depressed about something, he calls it in excused. She waits until the very last minute for something? DH will run out at 10 p.m. and find a way to get it for her! She's only 15, but I see her doing the same crap at 17 if that girl ever gets a car...and I so pray I can continue to put the brakes on that one! She's already bugging to get enrolled into drivers ed.
When you find the answer, let
When you find the answer, let me know, too. In our case, it is BM who calls in the excused absences. My DH gets furious. DH has tried taking her phone away and a few other things, including counseling (which is a big fat disappointment), with minimal results.
So far the only thing I can see that has made a difference is he told BM he was going to take the school days custody to our house if the girl didn't do better. While this threat upset her, I believe she did pass on the threat to the girl because there was a very rapid uptick in her school performance. DH also started contacting teachers himself, which has helped.
Otherwise, we are struggling with it. Can you send him to his mother's? Or threaten to?
Or tell him if he drops out, fails to graduate, he will be kicked out the morning of his 18th birthday but if he does well things will be easier for him? Name your own specifics.
I would also start finding ways to teach him just how much it costs to be alive and on your own. Go apartment hunting with him. Have him apply for jobs and then do the math as to how much he could afford for an apt on the salary of a dropout.
And get blunt with your DH. He had better get his kid under control, or at least stop enabling him, or there will be consequences for him, too. Maybe you'll have to move out like Sweet Pea is about to do. I myself would not want to live with a teenage thug I was physically afraid of.
Do you have WiFi in the
Do you have WiFi in the house? that is your currency. Everyday they have to earn the password. Your husband needs a wake up call on what happens to kids without a HS diploma. His kid won't get it or any future. Ask him what kind of future does he see for his kid.
Ummmm ~ your DH thinks this
Ummmm ~ your DH thinks this kid is bad wait until the siblings one up him.
Your ostrich DH needs to remove his cranium from his rectum. Why doesn't he have a curfew ??? Be required to go to school ??? How does DH justify that shit.
Some parents are so unreal ; you got your hands full. My heart goes out to you but it's not your issue it's your hubby's. But he is doing the younger kids a huge injustice.
Repetez, s'il vous plait!
Repetez, s'il vous plait! She will be repeating the same grade next year!
I called the school today and
I called the school today and had them remove me from his contact list. They can deal directly with DH regarding him. I will try to disengage as much as possible without DH complaining that I"m not 'being a mother'.
As far as BM...she's a raging alcoholic they haven't seen in close to five years when she overdosed on her visitation and SS got the joy of watching the paramedics try to revive her before hauling her to the psych ward. She left the state shortly after that. Last we heard she was in jail.
As far as drivers ed and a car can'tkeepdoingthis, that was a whole ball of fun let me tell you!
SS took the drivers ed test SEVEN TIMES before he passed, DH rearranging his schedule to take him 30 min away to take the test each time. DH Bought him a car, he 'didn't like it' so drove it rough (unappreciative) for a few weeks, never told us it was making a weird sound or the oil light came on,drove it with NO OIL, blew the gasket on the motor. So DH bought him a SECOND car, lost the only set of keys in less than two months, its been sitting useless in my driveway while SS begs us to borrow our vehicles about every other day, to which I firmly reply 'No.'
As far as post graduation, I just shake my head. Because of DH's position at a private college, he gets in for free, they'll even take him with his abysmal GPA. He still doesn't want to go. Which makes me wonder what he will do as he can't keep a job for more than a week! I know I'm going to end up fighting with DH to keep from having a situation like the Will Farrel StepBrothers movie. I can see him 30 in my basement, and its scary!
SD14 is so good at finding
SD14 is so good at finding ways of showing her dad that she is a victim and has it so rough that he let's her get by with a lot. He rants to me about how sick he is of her attitude and behaviors but says very little to her about it and when he does it's so lame that she comes out as the victim yet again.
SD is on her way to becoming a grown up version of her fourteen year old self. She'll never become anything but an adult who blames everyone else for her failures and expect someone else to fix her problems.
Emancipate him!!!! That puts
Emancipate him!!!! That puts every ounce of consequence firmly on his own shoulders. Daddy cannot forgive absences for an emancipated too big for his britches teen.