Am I right or unreasonable?

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I recently left and broke off my engagement with my fiancee. Being engaged was the worst year of my life due to BM, future SS (9), and him not standing up to either of them. The BM started interfering in our life after 6 days of being engaged. The attacks, the campaign against me, etc. After the engagement is when I also started seeing changing behaviors of the SS. I was forced into picking him up after school, so my fiancee's night with his son, turned into my nights. He refused to listen to me for anything I asked him to do. I still felt weird about disciplining him and just told his dad on him. To my astonishment, my fiancee refused to correct or punish the child in any way, so the kid just kept on ignoring me. Then, on top of it, I was criticized because I didn't sit and entertain him or take him to the park; instead I did my work. Then after that, the SS started interrupting me whenever his dad and I were having a conversation. He did it multiple times each day he was at our house, just to spite me. Again, he was never punished. The spoiled child feels he always deserves something, he makes my life miserable when we are out because if we are not doing something directly for him, or buying something for him, he whines and complains until we leave. He plays sick if we are going somewhere he doesn't want to go. He runs right for the gift shop and every outing he always gets a $10-15 toy, then wants to know if that is all he is getting.I could go on and on... My fiancee says that I only "perceive" behavioral issues and if I loved the child the way I should, those issues would go away. He has also thrown in my face that the SS loved me unconditionally. What a reverse psychological crock of shit! The kid is happy that I am gone because he got his way.

I am vilified by his family, and even by him because I never loved the child. I couldn't love him. He was put on this can-do-no-wrong pedastal, refused to punish him and discipline him, yet he wanted me to make him my priority. Well, IMO, he has 2 parents that already do that. He has uttered the words, "He deserves to be spoiled because he is a child of divorce." and "He deserves to be on a pedastal." My fiancee has his son every Sunday, and every other Fri-Sat, which means that he and I never have a Sat-Sun weekend, yet the BM has every Sunday and can take out of town trips but we never can. I asked him if we could have 1 free Sunday per month,as a compromise, and he said no. He said I was not worth the gamble for loosing that time with his son, and that once the kid turns 18, we will have the rest of our lives. What ?? I cringed every Sunday on our 'free' weekend I saw his spoiled self walk through the door.

He recently asked me to give it 1 more year, but make the kid my priority, devote myself to him, and prove to my fiancee that basically, I am worthy for their almighty presence in my life. When he sees my change, then he will consider the change in the schedule to give us a few full weekends.

I wanted to run and hide from SS. When dad and are alone, he won't stop talking about him. I drank double the amount of wine I ever did just to cope. When I saw SS, I went right for the wine. My resentment wasn't just the kid, it was all of them: the kid, fiancee, BM, and the rest of the family who made me the bad guy for being unable to love "that sweet innocent little boy".

Opinions? Am I justified in my thinking?

Agree! I have 'trolled' this

Agree! I have 'trolled' this site for a while, just reading others' stories. The insight has made me for once, feel not alone in my situation and not the bad guy that i was made out to be. I wish I knew about this site upon the engagement. Maybe things would have turned out differently, who knows. I appreciate all the comments and support on my decision!

Thank you Waiting 9 more

Thank you Waiting 9 more years around on a spoiled child isn't exactly an ideal situation for my personal sanity!

And I completely agree with your 2nd paragraph! They don't appreciate anything and don't realize how good they have it when they come in the house, be a slob, plop down and play video games!

You are justified in

You are justified in expecting your partner to listen to you and respect you. You weren't getting either of those things. I'm sorry your engagement ended and I know it will be hard to move on but you can do it! You deserve more!

LOL..I think that all the

LOL..I think that all the time...Why did they even break up. They are so alike but don't see it.

Right! I even told him that

Right! I even told him that once before. Just go back to the ex-wife. Seems like that will be the only way everyone will be happy. They will just treat the next woman like they did me, if there is a next woman who will tolerate all of it!

Based on what you have

Based on what you have shared.... Yes, you are definitely justified. Dad needs to quit being buddy to his son and be a parent.

Congratulations on having moved on. Don't give them another thought. Enjoy your life far from that toxic, shallow, and polluted gene pool.

Well done on getting out. You

Well done on getting out. You definately did the right thing. As others have said, grieve the loss of a relationship if you need to, at the end of the day any broken relationship is time and emotion spent. But do not mourn the loss of this man.

Congrats for leaving a

Congrats for leaving a negative situation. It takes a lot to leave. You should be proud of yourself

Congrats for leaving a

Congrats for leaving a negative situation. It takes a lot to leave. You should be proud of yourself

Thank you It was hard to do.

Thank you
It was hard to do. I miss him as the person, but not all the baggage that came with him. I'm disapointed and sad knowing what I wasn't worth to him, but I know this is for the best.

We have the SKs EVERY

We have the SKs EVERY weekend. Friday (every other week Thursday) through Sunday and sometimes he takes them to school Monday morning so he can have them longer. I have also asked for just one weekend. ALWAYS NO...The will suffer too much if they stay at their moms house cause she will be at the bar. Bull Crap. She's at the bar all week too...and they are fine to be with her then. I HATE IT.

This is the perfect example

This is the perfect example of someone who should wait to have a relationship until their kid is an adult. And even then, I can guarantee you, it will be a nightmare for the poor woman who stumbles into this mess.

You are absolutely, 100% right to walk away from this train wreck.

Justified? Hell, your

Justified? Hell, your feelings and actions here are more true than any gospel I have ever heard! No child comes between my husband and me, just tonight my SD interrupted me while I was speaking, DH stopped the conversation and stared at SD until she figured out she done wrong and apologized!

Wow. I only wished for that

Wow. I only wished for that type of respect. Good for you!

you did the right thing. i

you did the right thing. i wish i knew what you learned early on. through our marraige i just hoped it would get better. when the sds were young and lived with bm dh was able to pay more attention to me. for each visitation i ceased to exist for him while all attention was on the sds. now they are grow women and his best friends. he thinks of nothing else. he only comes to me for you know what. its a horrible feeling. be thankful you left when you did. you saved your self a lot of heartache. and it does not end when the skids grow up. as adults the skids become the best freinds of the parent.

Absolutely justified. Nobody

Absolutely justified. Nobody gets to tell you who to love and who to devote yourself to. You dodged a MAJOR bullet! You would have been absolutely miserable within a month. He can take his one year and shove it up his A$$.

Good riddance, I say.

Yep! I'm seeing that more and

Yep! I'm seeing that more and more each day!

And to top everything off,

And to top everything off, he put his goodbye to me on Facebook to drum up sympathy I guess. This was after I asked him to respect my privacy and just quietly change our statuses, but as with the rest of our relationship it's what he wants. So aggravating!

And to top everything off,

A Sparent should be no less a

A Sparent should be no less a parent than the bios with a crowning status as bonus parent.

I have had many plant clients inform me that if they had their way that my organization would run their business. As best practice consulting/implementation/change/performance improvement subject matter experts my organization is not focused on client politics, client employee happiness or change aversion, etc… We do what is right for the client company to ensure their assets and organizations perform optimally, most profitably, and most securely for the owners and employees. We drive results. That is my profession. Businesses that engage our services do not lose jobs to international outsourcing. Though by improving efficiency some positions may be eliminated far more are retained and those in retained roles are far more secure than they were before we arrived.

There are many parallels between what I do professionally and how a Sparent should function in a blended family. As my clients so often say about my group running their business, a Sparent should direct the blended family. We have no political will in the picture, we know what will work because we see the landscape, we know the players, we can very easily point out and if allowed eliminate the dramatic crap that distracts the blended family and all in it from success.

But, like many other of my customers demonstrate, though every fact, data point, performance metric, and dollar of cost spent unnecessarily or profit lost due to idiot behavior, they are more interested in the false belief that they know best how to run their business so is the case with seemingly the extreme majority of bio parents in blended family situations. Often both the CP and NCP.

The fact is that as a Sparent I may, or may not, love my partner’s kid. But, it is my marriage, to my partner and I will not act to the detriment of my marriage and by association I will not act to the detriment of the child(ren) regardless of their biology.

So BP’s … STFU, open your ears, listen to your Sparent life partners, and do what we tell you to do, when we tell you to do it and guess what …. Marital bliss, kids raised to viable adulthood, toxic Xs who are marginalized to the fringes of the picture, and ….. happy partner, happy life.

And the sex is just so much more awesome when you recognize our superior crown as bonus parent to your children. }:) Because we find you oh so much more attractive. Pay is what you get for going to work every day. A bonus is what you get for stellar performance. Bonus parent …… = ….. better parent.

This is pretty clear from my 30 year mgt career and 20 year Sparent career.

I am sorry that your DH and ILs were incapable of recognizing your superiority and insisted on fucking things up for you and for everyone else.

Enjoy your new life.

I know, probably a little obtuse but I was on a roll.

You did the right thing! I

You did the right thing!

I agree about the grieving but don't grieve too long. Don't let this unfortunate experience define what you are worth. You are worth it all and should be considered in all things in the life you decide to share with someone. My SD 12 interrupted me the other day in front of FIL, MIL, uncle and siblings while I was showing them uncles X-rays on my computer. I finally told her to hush and everyone got quiet. I understand that frustration completely.

Congratulations and WELL DONE

Congratulations and WELL DONE for putting yourself first and breaking off the engagement!! You have absolutely done the right thing! I bet you're noticing the difference in yourself already!

I wish I lived with my husband during our engagement period. Instead we married and he inflicted the exact same things on me - forcing me to do the school run, telling me his kids are "victims" and have to be put first, etc. Like you, it was the worst period in my entire life and I was completely villified by his parents and sister for not doing more with the skids, taking them to the park and putting their needs before my own!! I mean, how ridiculous is that?! They aren't MY kids!! I left after 16 months and I feel like the person I was before we married - SO much happier and content with my life.

Who do these men think they are? If they want to spoil and mollycoddle their kids, then that's their choice, but WE don't have to get dragged into their mess!!

Well done!

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Am I right or unreasonable?