Blind, dumb, in denial, or all three?
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Thought I would choke last night. I was talking to DH about how it's a parents job to prepare their kids for the adult, real world, so they can make it on their own. He said, " ex isn't doing that with his sons." OMG! He can't see he's doing the exact same thing with his princess? I said, well, I see that happening here with your daughter. She's totally unprepared for the real world. He said, "She's fine, she's ready." She does NOTHING! Held accountable for NOTHING! No RESPONSIBILITIES!
The minute those words came out of his mouth, I saw him as a total wimp.
Are we married to the same
Are we married to the same man???????????
Because none of his SKids have chores or responsibilities, because god forbid we "ruin their childhoods". Yes- he ACTUALLY said that over the suggestion that each child have two chores. We would RUIN their childhoods.
Yet he believes all 3 of his precious snowflakes will go shine in the world, somehow..... magically.
Kids who are allowed to exist
Kids who are allowed to exist without consequences, accountability, or expectation for performance rarely ever leave. They tend to fail miserably at just about everything they may ever try and then come screaming and crying back to the parent who facilitated the failure to grow up.
It sounds to me that you will have a shoal of your DH's spawn hanging around your marrital neck for a long, long, time.
my fiance definitely realizes
my fiance definitely realizes his kid is going nowhere. but the sad thing is he is content to just say "that's her mother's problem".
in some ways i agree. he really tried in the beginning to put his foot down, get her to focus on school and the like. but he gets undermined every time by BM, who has her the majority of the time. we tried for 50% custody as a way to get more time with her to reinforce proper behavior and lost. he's truly at the point where he's just getting thru visits and he's given up on trying to raise her. the only positive for us is that BM is more than willing to have her home forever, just as she lived with her parents her entire 42 years save for her first year of marriage when they had an apt (and she had to visit her parents 2-3 times per day).
my fear is BM dying young. i dont want that kid living with us.
Saw a funny e-card today.
Saw a funny e-card today. Said, "Someone said to me, 'You are too hard on your kids.' So I replied, 'Yeah, that's why they aren't little assholes.'"
Everyone is constantly saying that about my DH, but SD is less an asshole now than she was when he played Disney Dad.
I'm tired of these part time
I'm tired of these part time parents blaming the CP for their children being shitty. I'm sorry, but there are SO many ways to teach kids differently in the short amount of time they have with you. And when they are older, they learn that it's right to do certain things for THEM, THEIR good, and not because one parent or the other wants them to. Psychologically I think these NCP sabotage their own kids so when they do end up losers they can blame the CP. "See! I told you so!" If a parent gives up that easily then what kind of parent would they have been full time? What I see missing is parents not having heart to heart conversations with their kids. They want to control their kids, but without building the relationship. It won't happen. They want to say, "Clean your room!" and keep coming back and yelling at the kid for not cleaning it yet. Gee, IDK... why not get in there with them and do it with them and talk while you're doing it? Show them a good process for getting it done quickly. Talk about school. Talk about what the kid is into. If people really had talks with their kids, they would realize that what they really want is for someone to care about what they are about, and to spend time with them. I homeschool my kids and we are together almost all day. And still, they want more of me. They want my undivided attention and time away from the other sibling with me. There are a lot of things I don't have to teach them, like doing things for me for my birthday, Christmas, etc. They do it because they want to. NCP who are always contentious the second the skid shows up will never get there, and then SMs come on here bitching about how skids don't appreciate their dads. I wonder why. Rant over. Sorry, not sure where all that come from. But yeah, your DH is a wimp.
my fiance did the best he
my fiance did the best he could with 16 hours per week and no overnights because SD "refused" to sleep over when she was supposed to an BM didnt force her. She has 152 hours per week with her mother, friends, and her mother's side of teh family. its hard to instill good values, choices, decisions, etc. with only 16 hours per week.
I agree. My Skids have zero
I agree. My Skids have zero rules and NO chores at BM's house. They have rules and chores at our house and are held accountable for bad behavior. SO and I always say that they are seeing two ways to live. When they grow up, the choice will be theirs as to what kind of person they want to be.
DH and I also have this talk
DH and I also have this talk regularly about SheSloth not being prepared for the real world. "She will be fine. She can take care of herself." Really? UGH! It is so frustrating! I want to scream at him, "But she doesn't even wipe her own ass!" No, I will continue to keep that to myself, and just giggle every time that DH thinks that SheSloth can take care of herself out in the real world!
I wanted to burst out
I wanted to burst out laughing when he said, she's fine. That lazy girl will be home forever! Saving on toilet paper at our house too, by the way.
She has DH so snowed, he can't dig himself out. She turns on that fake charm, and he melts like butter.
I especially love how his "talks" are working...yeah right. Same talks for five years, and NOTHING has changed. SD has made progress in one thing, and that's how well she has trained DH. She is a master manipulator, and he is a giant sucker. He acts like a little school boy when she's nice to him. It's so sickening. I wish he could see himself, maybe it would sicken him like it does me.
SheSloth has been kissing up
SheSloth has been kissing up since the blow up on Friday night. Yes, DH caved at the end, but he still let her have it...told her some things she really didn't want to hear! That means she will kiss up for a while...maybe even until school starts. I mean, dear daddy said he didn't trust her, and she has to try to remedy that, right? She really wants a car for her 16th birthday in March (yeah, not happening...but she can keep dreaming).
Sd doesn't care of she gets
Sd doesn't care of she gets her license or a car. Why should she? DH will run her wherever she wants to go, no questions asked...and give her money too. If she drove, she'd have to operate the car, and possibly put gas in it. I doubt she'll worry about that though. She'd probably have DH go fill it up for her...and he would.
Oh, SheSloth wants a
Oh, SheSloth wants a car...badly. More than likely so that she can go beyond the confines of our little town, and head down by BM's where all her pot-smoking friends are! And no, she would not do this with permission! She would give DH some story about where she wants him to think she will be, he will eat it up, and she will go do what she wants! Girl gets a car, DH better figure out how to put GPS on that thing where she won't be able to disable it, as I highly doubt she would ever be where she says she will be!
I went through the same thing
I went through the same thing this weekend with DH. I'd met my breaking point with being in a house with so many 2-digit IQs. I finally talked back to DH for the first time ever and told him to quit being an ass to me. I asked him how difficult IS it for a 13yo to remember to brush their teeth every day? How tough is it to take a damn shower? Then I threw it in DH's face and said he was always absorbed in his cell phone or with sports on TV, and his kids, esp SD13, weren't learning to be responsible! I asked him what I had to gain by being "nice" and "working on my delivery" with the skids? I told him I stopped cooking for the family and getting on SD13 to take a shower last July when she thought she could pull shit with me.
I raised my voice at DH in exasperation and said, "But I'm your WIFE!.....I'M YOUR WIFE!" and I get no respect around here! I told him to STOP making excuses for these kids and to start being a parent. I said they aren't bad kids, but they need boundaries and responsibilities, and they need to learn to respect adults, esp entitled SD19. I must say, the element of surprise got DH. He never expected me to act that way towards him. I told him if he didn't start treating me differently, taking notice of what was going on in this house and parenting SD13, then HE could fucking leave!
I didn't back down once. I didn't scream, but I let it all out, fire coming off of my tongue, after one of the worst weeks of my life as far as my health. I have motor issues now with fibromyalgia. My neck and upper back are so tight that I feel off balance when I'm driving and esp when I get up to walk. Work has been killing me. DH just sees the exterior and thinks I'm fine. I have so much shit going on healthwise it's ridiculous.
My DH is just blind. He thinks everything is great because he doesn't notice what is going on around him. I am busy enlightening him because I can't stand this shit in my home. If you don;t want to shower and brush your teeth, go live outside then. For goodness sake! I raised my voice at DH in front of SD13, asking HOW difficult is it for you to have your kid practice basic hygiene? I asked if he knew when her last shower was? I scared the shit out of him and SD13.
They are being oh so nice to me now. And, NOPE, I didn't buy one thing for the skids for Christmas. Pfffffft. Then I get home today and SD19 has been home ALL day on her ass. She starts her laundry at 5pm, so I confronted her about it, quite nicely. "It sounds like you JUST started laundry. I'll wait an hour and then I'm taking a shower." She's going to finish tomorrow, she says. Yay me. She also has not been parked in the LR, either. Made sure DH gave her fair warning on that one.
~ Moon
DUP
DUP