just found out on christmas that stepson 15 had oral sex with cousin
Hello. I am in desperate need of guidance. We found out on Christmas that my stepson soon to be 15 coerced his cousin also 15 (but autistic) to give him a bj. This happened at my in laws house when the cousins were having a sleepover. My husband and I work some weekends so my daughter 
And SS sleep over at my inlaws. My nice and nephew sometimes sleep over too as was this weekend. Back in early December during one sleepover my ss texted my niece. He was upstairs at my in-laws she was downstairs with my daughter. He convinced her to keep a secret. Explain what he wanted her to do. Toldnher to tell my mother in law she was tired and ready for bed. My daughter was still awake so he told my niece to put a movie on the little mermaid or something to keep her occupied and she did. What resulted was in fact her giving him a bj in the other room from where my daughter was watching a movie and my in laws were asleep. I am sickened and disgusted. I can't look at my step son. My brother in law called the cops but since my niece is the same age, and they are underage, and due to the fact that she goes to a public school she is rated higher on the autisim spectrum. Technically not full special needs. All I want to do is protect her. I look at my ss as a swxual predator. I don't want him near my daughter or any other kid. He planned this. Took advantage of my poor niece.note that over the past 4 years we've learned that my son has self destructive behavior because his bio mom basically cut off all contact at age 7. He has anger issues and we've been going to therapy. Not ad often because he had been doing better. Never in a million years did we think something like this would happen. I know he is still a "kid" per say. But he didn't even feel bad. Only bad because he got caught. This is breaking up our family. Right now he is at my in laws for some reason which isnabhorant to me is that they are like well he needs therapy what else can we do?! They refuse to read the text messages as does my husband. My husband is distraught. I'm afraid he's gonna have a heart attack. But he's making excuses for his son. I can't look at him the same way. I know marriage is for better or worse but I don't think I'm strong enough to stick by this. I don't want ss back in the house. I mean he already crossed the incest line why would I think age would matter. What if he did this to my daughter?! Please help.
So your 15yo Ss talked his
So your 15yo Ss talked his cousin peer into giving him a bj and they did the deed in another room away from your daughter. You're overreacting. Granted I hear banjos whenever anyone mentions cousin on cousin action, but it is not unusual. Poor judgement yes, pedophilia action - no. You're making it more than it is. Let dad deal with it. I seriously doubt your daughter is on his menu.
We read autistic and immediately assume incapable. Cousin has needs and curiosity of her own. Granted didn't need SS to suggest things. But she is functioning enough to be in school and text things.
When his friends find out they may dump on him for his target.
Knowing that there are
Knowing that there are different levels of autism and some people you wouldnt even know they had it unless they told you.
I tend to agree with Itman on some of the statements made.
SS and niece are step cousins. Did they grow up as cousins? How long have you been married to your DH?
They are of the same age, so they are peers.
How severe is niece's autism? For the most part does she function normally with some autism issues?
How does niece feel about the situation? Does she feel taken advantage of because of her autism?
Its hard for me to form an opinion without knowing how severe the autism is.
SS may of just thought, hey she's hot, I'm horny and I want a bj. Teenage boys are gross. They arent thinking with their brains but with their penis.
They are not step cousins
They are not step cousins they are first cousins my husbands sisters daughter.
oooohhhh for some reason I
oooohhhh for some reason I thought it was your niece and your husbands son... um okay totally weird.
You don't think there are
You don't think there are millions of 15yo boys trying to get a BJ from other 15yo girls? You don't think there are millions of 15yo girls giving BJs to boys? You don't think there are millions of 15yo having intercourse?
I remember my DD telling me that more girls were doing oral sex bc they can't get pregnant that way, she is stb25.
I disagree, Itman, and I
I disagree, Itman, and I usually think you're spot on! he took advantage of a girl with autism. Nikkid, my advice to you is to keep your children away from him, for good with no exceptions. I would also have a frank talk with my DD and make sure nothing has happened already.
I'm stealing that.
I'm stealing that. "Superfuck no."
Lol I.love.it too
Lol I.love.it too
Right? I can't wait to use
Right? I can't wait to use it. }:)
I had sex at 14, would I also
I had sex at 14, would I also not be allowed around your children???? Come on! Since when does being a sexually active teen make one a pedophile? Her child is 6 for god's sake.
His partner was quite age appropriate.
Its the fact that it
Its the fact that it happened. With his cousin. Who even though she goes to public school does not function with the comprehension in a case like this. She trusted him. Did she partake yes. The problem is he planned this, felt no remorse and did it because he knew she was vulnerable. He was taugh tright from wrong. A boundary was crossed. This isn't two teenagers that took part in a sexual act. This is one cousin manipulating the situation. I wanna puke. Its not the sex .though yes I think sex at 14 is too young its whom he had this with. He knows better..end of story. Thinking of doing something and acting out on it are two different things. He could have whacked off in the bathroom. This did not need to happen. Hornet or not he needs to learn control and that certain things like a blowkob from a cousin is NOT RIGHT
I have to agree with tommar
I have to agree with tommar and Ima, the niece is just as much at fault as the SS. My son is autistic, if I cought him screwing around with his cousin he would get his ass whooped. He is also in regular classes, and also makes horny teenage boy decisions. While it is disgusting to think of anyone so young acting so adult, it's a fact of life that teens will get there jollys where ever they can. Both need help if they thought this was ok. Both your BIL and husband have a right to be totally pissed. But I don't think this makes your SS a predator. I think he's a teen boy who just wanted a bj.
Unless the niece is
Unless the niece is profoundly disabled, which it sounds like she is NOT, then this is simply two horny teens experimenting with sex.
By the way the poster presents the story, it also sounds like niece was pretty much down for this. I would bet it was not the first time.
Is it gross? Yes. It is abuse? I'm leaning toward no, because it sounds like the niece is pretty high functioning and capable of making choices. If she goes to a public high school, she understands what a blow job is. (why the automatic assumption that she was an unwilling participant??? Young ladies are entitled to sexual urges too, ya know)
He's not a sexual predator, he's a normal horny teen. So is she.
I have a different take on
I have a different take on this....I have worked with many autistic kids over the years of varying levels of severity. A lot were in a public school program. Some of the high functioning autistic girls I worked with still had comprehension issues, but all different. I think the fault in this situation depends on how the girl functions, and her ability to comprehend what was actually happening. One cant just hear she is high functioning autistic and going to public school and determine that she is capable of truly understanding the situation. Only the family and professionals would have that understanding.
If she is capable of understanding what she did and making the decision, then I would say they are both on the hook for this one. However, if she has difficulty processing and understanding, then the boy is an issue (on top of all his other issues).
OP, I am so sorry to hear that this happened, and hope all works out.
I agree. I worked with an
I agree. I worked with an aspie boy in 6th grade who would fondle himself inside his pants pockets during class. Yuck. None of the kids had anything to do with him, but if he were a girl and a horny boy had access, it would probably be an issue at some point.
All girls in general need to have a talk with their parents about boundaries. There was a reason that this boy picked her as a target. He knew she was weak and would do it. There are lots of "normal" girls out there just as weak. He simply had easy access to her so it worked for him. Putting the autism aside, she is probably a people pleaser and doesn't want to disappoint someone so she goes along with it.
I dated a guy that said (late into the relationship) that he and his cousin messed around when they were teens. Totally grossed me out. I think it's unacceptable and disgusting.
Wow, the ignorant responses
Wow, the ignorant responses are astounding.
1) Autism is primarily a social disorder. A person dealing with an autism spectrum disorder may function very well in areas of self care, reading, math, driving, etc. and still be very incapable of "normal" social interaction. Therefor, this child being able to go to public school does not mean she is capable of consenting to sex.
2 )It isn't pedophilia, its rape. That's what you call having sex with someone who can't consent. A 15 year old with a brain development disorder can not consent to sex, legally and ethically speaking. Why did he choose someone with a disability? Why not a fully functioning kid? Because he wanted control which is easy to have with someone who has autism. Sick. And of course I would be very worried about a little girl. She also would be easy to control.
3) "If she is in regular school she is able to make her own decision regarding sex." Uh, no. You don't just get to arbitrarily decide this. There are plenty of children who attend public schools and are, for one reason or another, not capable of making the same choices for themselves as the general population. Newsflash: not every person with autism is just like your kid.
4) "If she goes to a public high school, she understands what a blow job is. (why the automatic assumption that she was an unwilling participant??? Young ladies are entitled to sexual urges too, ya know)" Knowing what a blow job is and understanding the consequences of engaging in the activity are very different. Knowing what a blow job is and having the capacity to freely say no are very different. And I'm pretty sure this BJ was for his sexual gratification, not hers. She wasn't the one texting him asking him to pleasure her. I know that there's a lot in our culture (porn specifically) that tries really hard to make you think women just love giving BJs as much as men love getting them but for the most part, this is not the physical reality.
5) "I just re read your post and the girl is older than the boy. So technically SHE is the predator since she is older." Now you're just making shit up to create false controversy. No where does she say the girl is older. No where is there any evidence of predatory behavior on the part of the girl. He is the one who texted her, remember?
6) "I think the fault in this situation depends on how the girl functions, and her ability to comprehend what was actually happening. One cant just hear she is high functioning autistic and going to public school and determine that she is capable of truly understanding the situation. Only the family and professionals would have that understanding." Exactly! And from reading the OP it sounds like the family does not think she is capable as evidenced by the in laws saying he needs therapy, the father being distraught to the point he can't even read his kid's messages and OP writing this post. To think you have a better understand of the girl's situation than the family makes me think there's some Dunning-Kruger effect going on here.
7) "That is extremely offensive to people who have actually BEEN sexually molested by MEN and WOMEN decades older than them who knew full well what they were doing. Two teens experimenting does not and will not qualify them as predators, sick, pedophiles, etc." Stop pretending you speak for everyone who has been molested. Having been molested as a child myself, I find this situation truly disturbing. Let me reword your statement so its more accurate: A teenager suggesting a socially disabled teenager gives him head does qualify him as someone who is predatory and sick. ImaSmom's justification for this is the same justification used by pedofiles the world over. "But I reciprocated" "But they liked it" "I didn't hurt him" None of this matters if someone can not consent because of mental/social capacity.
Do whatever you need to to protect your family. Contact his school and/or the authorities. Keep anyone who might be easily preyed upon away: younger children, disabled family and friends, etc. I'm so sorry this happened. All you can do now is protect others.
Encounters like this can only
Encounters like this can only ever be the fault of the person who can consent and who is socially competent. Its not about gender.
I'm not an expert by any
I'm not an expert by any means. I have been dealing first hand with a child with autism. He too is about to be 15. He too thinks like a 14 year old boy. I do know that for him, and most of the other kids I know with it that if they don't want to be touched, there's nothing anyone can say or do to make them let them touch them outside from holding them down. If a girl was trying to prey on him because he is "weak" they would learn a good lesson. As would any man who tried to mess with my niece who also has autism.
Also, I don't know who you surround your self with, but I nor any one I know personally have ever taught their kids to be silent in a case of abuse, sexual or otherwise.
I'm not saying what these kids did is ok and should be left alone, all I'm saying is the SS isn't a dirty predator waiting in the shadows ready to pounce on a helpless little girl. My oldest son has had sex, I found that out by reading his messages with his gf who is a year younger then him. I don't think he's a pedofile, or a predator, and I see no harm with him being around his sister or step sisters. Yes his dad knows he's not a virgin too and doesn't see a reason for him to labeled a predator.
They refuse to read the text
They refuse to read the text messages as does my husband.
Perhaps somebody should buck up and read the texts to find out exactly how this went down. Then deal with each kid appropriately.
How did anybody find out that it happened?
Some parents get good results
Some parents get good results from their parenting. You are an example of that. My issue is the predatory aspect to the OP's Skid's behavior in all of this. Teens regardless of gender need the "No glove no love and wrap it before you tap, touch it, or suck it" mantra IMHO.
The predatory thing is something far beyond just two teens doing what teens do.
IMHO of course.
Since the cops are useless in
Since the cops are useless in this situation if I were your BIL I would whip this little bastard’s ass but good. Once I had turned his ass into mince if he ever so much as glanced in the direction of any of my children I would turn him over the nearest piece of furniture and whip his ass into hamburger any time he pulled this crap for the rest of is disgusting pervert life.
As calculating as this little POS is the only solution is to teach him immediately that the consequences for this kind of behavior is so unpleasant that he will do anything to avoid a repeat of the consequences and the only way to avoid abject pain and misery is to never repeat the behavior.
I would immediately inform your DH that this POS is out of your home immediately and will never return until your own children are raised to adulthood. I would not tolerate this kid anywhere near my children were I you.
15yos having sex is not unusual and in circumstances where they are both able minded I would have little issue with it. Kissing cousin situations happen frequently with no issues. That he predated in such a premeditated and calculating manner on a developmentally disabled family member is my issue in this situation. You have a young daughter to consider and protect and with that in mind I would default to total rejection of this kid from the home.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
I feel this boy did take
I feel this boy did take advantage of this girl. The boy is probably more mature and street smart. He probably grew up fast and is highly resistant considering his parental abondonment issues and broken home. The girl is developmentally delayed and immature and probably a little naive. The boy was able to plan and orchestrate the whole thing, it sounds kind of manipulative. Sounds premeditated on his part. The sad part is...he had no remorse even when he was told it was wrong. Would any of you want this creepo to date your teen? He needs therapy