Blanket Bitch Statement
“I cant wait to meet a man whos still entangled in the aftermath of his shitty 1st marriage, has a toxic ex-wife who will NEVER go away and who will continue to create problems forever, kids who will tolerate me but secretly wish me dead or at least divorced, a family who thinks of me as just “Meh”, , is a financial disaster and still fighting it 8 years later, cant buy a house with, have any 1sts with because he already had them with someone else who likes to remind him and me of that fact in 20 page email letters, any great moments we will have together like our engagement, wedding, first trips, birth of our child, vacations are going to be overshadowed and ruined by someone who’s just pissed off about them and the ex or kids will continually remind you that you are not supposed to be happy, LIKE EVER because they aren’t. Any financial milestones you make as a family will have to be shared with his ex, who will promptly take him to court (to get her fare share) so there is really no getting ahead with this guy. In addition to the above, this man you’ll meet will have such tremendous guilt and anger because of things you did nothing to create, things that happened WAY before you were ever in the picture that he cant even begin to properly parent your kids and be kind and emotionally available to them because he is incapable of being emotionally available to anyone.”…
SAID NO WOMAN EVER.
So, to me the obvious
So, to me the obvious question is ... How or why would anyone love, tolerate, or remain with someone with so much fucked up baggage much less decide to marry and spend a life with them?
I wouldn't. Marriage to a parent of prior relationship children only has to be as described if you tolerate it.
When I read what I wrote I
When I read what I wrote I completely agree with you.
I think on some level we all
I think on some level we all have those moments occassionally. Obviously there are far more positives for most of us than negatives.
I was just asking.
Take care of yourself.
For the official record: I am
For the official record: I am in no way a "poor me" type of person. i wrote that after being incredibly pissed off and it illustrates a very one dimensional version of a very long story. Excuse me if expressed frustration in a public forum on step parenting. What does your shitty comment do constructively except to piss people off and evoke anger.
^^^^THIS^^^ and the fact we
^^^^THIS^^^ and the fact we feel we can help and make things better, I blame it on the rose coloured glasses, dam those things.
^^^THIS 100%^^^ The truth
^^^THIS 100%^^^ The truth comes out a little at a time.
I think this would be a good
I think this would be a good time to take a good, hard look at your life and decide if this is really what you want until death do you part.
This has a ring of truth for
This has a ring of truth for me.
House buying...out the door for us
loving our kids equally...out the door for us
Having a kid together....out that same fuckin door
Parent in a similar way...out the door for us.
Dealing with a nutty BM....door wide open
Wasted money in court...door wide open
Too much stress with trying to blend families...door wide open
Me paying for someone else child....dorr fuckin wide open
Good thing hubby is epic in bed.
All of the things listed in
All of the things listed in the OP are a reality, just some people have better mechanism to deal with it than others.
Can I stop BM from being bitch? No, but I can limit/eliminate contact with her. But there are still times she makes her presence known or at least try to stir shit.
Did my DH come into this relationship financially ruined? Yup. Thankfully I wasn't, *I* purchased a house. His fault? Partly, he was stupid enough to believe giving BM $ for the house payment was better than paying it directly to the mortgage company. That, and not fighting the almost $100,000 in credit card debt she racked up just before and after she left him.
Do I have control over how his snot-nosed kids treat me? Nope, and neither does DH. He can hold them accountable all he wants, but he can't make them like me. Just like he can't make me like them.
Having to go back to court to get CS re-evaluated because of a financial milestone -- unavoidable in most cases. But that doesn't make the pill any easier to swallow.
I could go on.... many of us have "hitched our wagon" to guys like this. We aren't losers for doing that, but I think it's all in how it's handled. It's not easy being "beholden" to a woman for 18 years (or more) of CS, one who will flaunt the fact that she doesn't have to work, she will always have a piece of the pie, and she will always be THE MOM/FIRST WIFE.
Does it get better? Sometimes. And maybe I'll consider my 2nd marriage a constant "work in progress". There's no way to EVER know everything there is to know about a relationship before you're in it up to your armpits. Some people bolt, some people stay to work it out. Their choice.
Why on earth would a woman
Why on earth would a woman brag that she is a First Wife. Eh hello, your marriage didnt work out. Its people like my parents who have been together 62 years that can brag. The rest of us (me included) cannot brag. It takes two to tango, two people in the relationship that have a hand in the failure.
I agree with the post.
I agree with the post. Aspects of that have occurred in my relationship with DH. However not the full 100% or to the degree of OP. Defintely the issues with the skids, just wanting me to be gone, something/someone over shadowing because there is just so much "past" "baggage".
Thankfully for me, I am doing a lot of firsts with DH. Sure I wasn't the first to marry him or the first to give him kids (we aren't having kids) but I am the first to show him real love, I am the first to show him what a good relationship is, I am the first to show him stabilty, communication, love.
His past issues/skids dragged us down for about a year, year and half. But that whole time we were working through those issues trying to figure out what was going to be our normal, what we would tolerate, what we each could deal with.
I just want to throw out for
I just want to throw out for the "firsts" thing - just remember that you may not be the first at everything (neither was BM, honestly), but you will be the LAST for pretty much everything. You are the LAST person your DH will ever kiss, the LAST person he talks to each day, the LAST person to have kids with him and see him naked and take walks with him and you are the LAST person he will ever love.
WAY more valuable than "firsts".
That's what I was
That's what I was thinking.
BM tried to remind me one time that she was the FIRST wife.
I reminded her that I am THE wife, which carries a lot more weight than "used to be wife"
No woman ever wants that just
No woman ever wants that just like No man wants that for a woman he truly loves