Yes I would most def. feel shunned. What kind of relationship do you have with your SD?

Let me share with you a story. I too am a SD. I love my SM and we have a good relationship.

I got married in October. I had a picture list. Same poses as you described. SM, Dad, Me and DH. Me, SM and my dad. Etc.

Well the day of the wedding it rained like crazy. So we were trying to get pics done in between the rain. And it was humid. So we were all miserable. Everyone who was suppose to be in the pics, everyone was running around. Everyone was thirsty, tired, hungry, needed a smoke.

So as much as I am a planner and had that list- everything went out the window. I was so over whelmed and tired and exhausted. If I saw that person and knew they were suppose to be in the pic I just grabbed them and took a pic. So if the pic was originally suppose to have 6 people and I could only find 4, well then that was good enough.

Not knowing what your relationship is with your SD, is it possible that she was just going with the flow of the photographer and didnt really think about it because it was such an over whelming day???

I am all about it being the bride and grooms day and neither parent, whether they pay or not, should tell them the must do this or that. Except on a few points. Pictures being one of them. Your DH is at fault here. He showed your SD, SIL, and BM that he is not going to stand up for you. He showed them that you don't matter enough to have pictures made with just you, him and SD. That is so not right. If your SD knew you wanted this and didn't make it happen it could just be that she wasn't thinking at the moment, not meant to hurt you. Did you ask your DH before you left the place "What about our picture with SD and SIL alone?" If not, you should have.
Photoshop works wonders though. It is worth trying!

Hmmm....I'm probably not the right person to give advice here because I am trying my darndest to GET RID of pictures of SS in my house (Shhhht! Don't tell my wife). So if my SS gets married one day and decided he doesn't want me in his family photograph, I wouldn't be upset. I can't be hurt for not being in a picture with him when I am currently in the process of trying to get rid of pictures of him in the first place.

That being said, your husband is right, it is HER day, but I am little confused here. Why are you and hubby deciding who is in what picture? At my wedding (and every wedding I have been to) the photographer takes a multitude of family shots with a variety of combinations. This way there is a photo of everyone on this special day.

Oh my gosh! You have a right to feel like crap! You are not being petty. You and your husband talked about this beforehand. He didn't make your feelings a priority and since he PAID for the wedding, he should have spoke up!

I feel bad for you.
My stepdad came around when I was 18 and I STILL can't imagine shunning anyone like this! His daughter, my "stepsister" did this to my mom and that is the basis of all issues between them... well, that, and the fact that stepsis had her mother and father seated together at the church (but my stepdad insisted he sit a row behind, with his wife).

Sadly, your husband will never understand what this means to us as women. The fact that he "forgot" the conversation annoys me...my SO conveniently forgets convos like this as well.

Be petty... have a petty party. And for goodness sake, please stop calling yourself his "new" wife. Eight years is not "NEW" and you deserve better treatment from your man.

I would of just simply said something to her myself. "Hey SD, lets get a pic of you guys and me and your dad. I'd like one to frame for the house". I doubt she would have said no to that....

OMG! I would be upset, but my SD got hitched at 17 we weren't invited. For her second marriage who knows I might not even go. If I did go I think I would want a picture of just DH and SD to have. Then another one of SD and DD together. DO you think she might have pulled him aside or contacted him before that she didn't want a picture with you. Your right to be mad at him. If SD was calling the shots she might I thought you didn't want to have your picture taken with her.

That would irk me too, and I completely understand your frustration because it just makes you feel like an outsider. Most of the "family" pictures that get taken I'm hardly in any of them, so I completely understand how it makes you feel. Always makes you feel like 2nd class citizen.

Make a 'statement': Print out the picture with BM and the rest of the brood in it. Then take a very nice picture of you, copy it on a copy machine, cut it out roughly and paste it on top of BM. Make sure it's under the glass too. And then place it on the mantel for all to see when they visit - but not until just before the visit so DH can't remove it. Think of the pleasure you will get when you see the looks on their faces. OR give DH a choice of having you photo-shopped in to the photo in place of BM and paced on the mantel for all to see. Tell him it's non-negotiable. Period.

Yes, I agree a wedding day is for the bride and groom. However, it’s a day to show and share their love for one another. Not a day for the bride and DH to disrespect SM.

SM, I think it’s very sweet that you wanted to have a photo taken of your family unit, which includes you with DH, the bride and groom, SS and your own children (incl. grandkids). You were not being unreasonable at all with your request. DH should’ve made sure it happened as to not put you in an awkward position. He should be grateful you care about his children enough to want to put such a photo on display in your home.

I can surely relate to this post. Although the very aggravating circumstances during the weddings of my own SKs weren’t in relation to photos, I still got “Punked” in one way or another and my DH didn’t do anything to fix the situation or even bring it up afterwards. And, yes we discussed the issues in advance. So I thought everything would be covered without any drama on that “special day.”

I’ve had many years of my own experiences and have read about tons of others in similar situations. I found in most it’s the DH who seems to be too passive or afraid to bring up anything that may cause friction between himself and his children, even if it means disrespecting his life partner.

I feel badly this happened to you.

I also feel really bad for you. I am so sorry to say this, but I think it was a major slap in the face to you not to have one of you and your DH with the bride and groom. That one logically should have come right after the one of BM and DH with them. I blame BOTH your SD AND your DH, as SD obviously didn't want to upset BM, and DH obviously didn't want to upset SD, but neither of them cared about how you would feel. I agree it was nice to include you in the group shot (I doubt I'll even get that if my youngest SS gets married--oldest SS eloped, thank God!) If it were me, I think I'd have a hard time displaying ANY photo from the wedding. Also, I sure would not bother to photoshop myself into a photo that didn't really happen & give her the satisfaction of knowing you were hurt.

As a parent I do not give a crap what the bride and groom want if what they want causes pain to my spouse. I would very clearly speak in a manner that insured that I was neither misunderstood, or misquoted, or ignored..... "You two stand right here while my bride comes up for a picture with just the four of us."

I agree with all of the other posters...what your dh did to you along with his daughter was beyond rude and disrespectful to you! I would be livid with my dh, but, of course you have to forgive him and move on, so Photoshop sounds like a brilliant idea! SS31 married when dh and I were still dating, so obviously I wasn't in any of the pictures which totally doesn't bother me. I have little use for my now 3 SSs due to their drug use. SS31's marriage only lasted a year and a half anyway, so obviously there are no wedding pics in our house...only pics of his now 6 year old son. MY DD28 is getting married this year and, being the mature adult she is, I have no doubt she will be very aware of what kind of pictures are taken. Her father has been remarried for 5 years and me for 3, but we don't speak to each other, so I'm sure she will be kind enough to not force us to be near each other any more than we have to. My guess is there will be pictures taken with her father and his wife and one of me and my daughters + SIL with me and dh. We have not been an "intact" family in 7 years (although we WERE for 25), so she won't try to pretend through pictures that we ARE (like YOUR SD did). I'll bet if her mother had a new dh, it would have been different, but since she's single, I'm sure your SD was just looking out for her mother's feelings. I thought of that...how would I feel at MY DD's wedding if I was alone and my ex was there with HIS wife. It would have been much harder. But, anyway, I just hope my DD28 thinks of these things and I can get a nice picture with my 4 DDs, new SIL, dh and I. The harder thing will be to see my ex's 2 Skids in their "family" picture. They blended with my DDs, unlike dh's sons, so needless to say, dh's sons won't be at the wedding. I doubt dh will be at all happy to have a picture taken like that without HIS kids there and will hate it if I display it at our house. He already hates that there are more pics of my DDs in our house than HIS sons, but I'm a mom and have lots of pics of my kids. He was a single father who didn't have alot of pictures, so too bad. 2 Christmases ago, my in-laws came for the day and took "family" pics of dh, his sons, and me and how uncomfortable that was for ME. I was screaming in my head, "THIS is not my family! My DDs aren't here!" I hated it. My MIL has that picture in HER house and when we visit, I cringe. Needless to say, I do NOT have it in MY house. Probably the only picture I will be able to display from the wedding is the one of my DD and her new husband. But, if there IS a picture with my dh and my kids, I'll definitely print it out to put on my desk at work. THAT'S MY family.

I didn't want to be in any of her wedding pictures nor expect her to ask me so there was no disappointment there. we did not pay for her wedding, she was 30 or so an had lived with her hubby for over a year. we did give them 2000.00 for their honeymoon. we got no thank you nor did I expect one from her. The people in her wedding party were strangers to her dad and me, and I honestly don't care. Our youngest son, her half brother and our oldest son, her step brother were not in the wedding, which made me even more justified and glad we didn't contribute financially to her tacky wedding.
I didn't buy any wedding pictures so we have none in our home.

Actually, what upsets me most about this story, is that the husband told his wife to her face and was agreeable to one thing, and then turned around and did another. To me, he should not get a free-pass for that. I think there may be a little of this going on in the household: And Dad's house may become the "no rules" household-meaning there are few rules about treating stepmom with respect, both because he is fearful of alienating his kids, and because of his ex wife's influence. When a wife or partner with stepchildren attempts to assert her right to being treated fairly in the household under these conditions, her husband or partner may not support her position. This causes tension within the couple. . . Sound familiar? I think dad basically threw her under the bus. It made him look good to his kids, and made his wife look like a witch, who even dad could not take seriously. The issue actually has very little to do with picture-taking or whether or not it is someone's special day. The issue is about a couple--dad and step-mom--who are not on the same page.

The wedding day is about the couple, their parents, extended families etc. Often step parents are not part of the equation, pictures, honorifics, etc. Oh well. If ss30 ever gets married I would rather NOT be in the pictures. I'd be happy minding the bar while everyone is sitting in their place of "importance." To even pretend that I am some kind of "mother" to ss30 gives me the hives. I'm DH's wife and that's where my title ends. I'll get 5 chances to flaunt my motherhood status when/if my own kids get married.

DH can be in all the pics he wants, BM and him together, their "intact" family, whatever. DH doesn't even like being in the same room as BM so it would be fun to watch from the back of the room with a glass of wine in my hand. And putting up pics of the atrocity in our home. HA! I don't know if DH has ever placed a pic in a frame. Pics would sit in a dusty envelope in some dark corner just like all the rest of his pics. I kinda hope it all happens this way. I couldn't buy better entertainment.

I think SD wanting a picture with her parents is legitimate. Divorced or not, they are her biological parents. I've been in that situation and I made sure this photo was taken for stepdaughter's sake. My DH and his ex stood on either side of his dtr so it eliminated them looking as much like a couple.

That said, it's very rude not to include you in other pics. You and your DH with the bride, then bride and groom, then just you and DH etc... Your DH is at fault for letting you be passed over.

I am SO sick of this "it's her day" crap! Since when is having a wedding someone else is paying for an excuse to act like a spoiled bitch?! I would be livid, mostly at DH! How dare he allow this brat to disrespect you? I grew up with divorced parents, a crazy ass step mom to boot. Here's what happened at my wedding which my dad paid for:
There was ONE photo of me and my mom and dad before they both walked me up the aisle
Family photos after: us with my Mom and immediate family, us with my husbands mom and immediate family, us with my dad and step mom and immediate family (same as the ones with my Mom - siblings,niece etc.
NO photos of the whole family with mom and dad - it never even occurred to me to request that! They are divorced, his wife is his family!
There was the big album which included lots of photos of the above combos and then a framed collage of shots for mom, dad and step mom, and husbands mom.
What is with these bratty brides trying to pretend a divorce didn't happen, how incredibly disrespectful to leave you out of them all and for your husband to stand by and allow it! If be really angry and I'm sorry you were treated so poorly.

"Believe me, there will be no picture other than the wedding couple and that's it. I don't dislike his EX but I sure don't want a constant reminder of her in my home in a frame."

You might want to rethink that one(having a wedding photo of SD up). You could let your DH have this wedding picture in his office at work. This picture will serve to remind you, in your home no less, of a time you were shunned by your SD and DH eagerly stood by letting it happen.

I used to have these sort of photos around my house. Photos of people who had been mean to me in DH's family, smiling at me from my Fireplace mantle. I put them up because I thought I should, wanting to prove that I was a family person. This, despite the fact that I knew some of them would never put up my picture in a million years.

The day I took all those photos (I had put up) down and handed them to my DH, was a very liberating one indeed.

Our home is our sanctuary. Why put up mementos of people or occasions that made us feel put down and less than? Your DH caused this problem, now he can figure out where he can put the photos so that you aren't reminded of this event on a daily basis.

I think you're 100% in the right, Peace... That was just a shit, shitty thing for your DH to do. It's cowardly, disrespectful and just not a nice thing to hurt your feelings that way. Just another example of Dear Dad sucking up to his child... and a GROWN UP child, no less, to not damage some dysfunctional crap that likely has been going on for YEARS at your expense.

Just.Not.Cool.

I wouldn't photoshop anything, that's even more insulting. And I wouldn't acknowledge the wedding or ANY photos of it going forward.

Yes, I learned that I was far too generous with the evil SDBee from the beginning. Generosity, it seems, is to be taken advantage of and then you (*&^ upon the generous person.

My therapist told me I expected too much... REALLY? All I ever wanted was to be treated civilly like a human being and with the respect that you give another human being.

Your husband just showed the lot of them that he's not willing to stand up for you. I would be humiliated and hurt too.

By the way, seeing all the posts about people taking down pics of their step-children... It occurred to me that my husband only has pics of his kids in his home office and work-office -- no photos of me. What a total fool I am, honestly.

My husband loves to make sure he doesn't make waves for his skids, no matter how much it hurts me. He likes to ask for forgiveness later than to ask for permission before hand. This is why he always gets mad at me if I try to plan things ahead of time. WE have been together almost 13 years...he is very predictable this way.
My SS was getting pictures after a sporting event and there was a supposed to be a family pix...our kids, DH & all SKIDS and BM..I was asked to leave the pix by the photographer (he didn't know)...before I realized that my kids were still in the picture, the picture was already taken...I was beyond pissed...my husband, kept saying "What did you want me to do?" I know his SKIDS had a good laugh about that one.

When my SD was married I too was not included in any of the photo's.
But at the end of the day, that is OK with me because I wouldn't want to feel obligated to display it in my home anyway and I know my husband would have insisted on it.
What ever happened to treat people the way that you want to be treated?
I am sure that my SD would have preferred that I not even be at the wedding.
It's all good when I am helping her or spending money on her or buying her gifts but other than that I am just the woman that is married to her Dad. Slowly but surely I am getting over it.

tommar24365, I loved your comment: "My parents. MINE!" And, I agree with you completely that every child deserves to have a picture of them with their parents at their wedding, divorced or not. However, your comment is a little bit ironic in that this is how a lot of step mothers feel about their husbands: My husband. MINE! Yet, we often do not get to be with our husbands at our step-children's wedding. We are supposed to act more like co-workers. (Yes, I actually saw that on one site as 'advice'--for step-moms to go to their SK's weddings and act like a co-worker.) Geesh! At my SD's wedding, the photographer was my SS. Boy, I found out what hell was that day, is all I can say. I was totally blindsided. Just thought I was going to SD's wedding with husband to celebrate her special day. They were invited, so I brought my parents (in their 80s) to her wedding, as SD and SS had been doing things with all of us for years. Anyway, SS basically refused to take any pictures that included me, them, anyone in my family. That wasn't the only big surprise in store for me that day either. It was bad. I was pretty much kicked, beaten, and then hung up to dry. Anyway, seriously, I am seeing a counselor to deal with the many issues that sprung from this event, including husband looking the other way while I took my lickings. Trying to figure out where to go from here. This site has been very helpful--to see that others wrestle with similar issues too. Then I don't feel so alone. Because, believe me. I did not see it coming at ALL!!

My husband's son got married nearly 2 years ago. We weren't married at the time, but were very much in a committed relationship and were living together. My husband spent several thousand dollars on this wedding, including the rehearsal dinner for 50 people that included an open bar. His ex was supposed to contribute half, but she bailed out. I had to stand by and watch him being posed in the family photos like they were still one big happy family. He and his ex are not on speaking terms whatsoever. He asked if there could be a couple of photos with just us and the newly married couple. Two photos were taken, but then when the bride posted her wedding pictures on Facebook, there were none that included me. It was ok when they were taking money from my husband, but they couldn't even respect us with one picture that included me.

There is no way in hell I'd allow myself to be treated like my DH coworker. I find it ridiculous and immature for anyone old enough to be married to expect their divorced parents to pose in family photos together. And if my husband's money, which is OUR money, is going to pay for this wedding, you better believe I expect to be treated with respect and as his wife! Not only do I have divorced parents and never behaved this way I have been to many, many weddings of friends whose parents are divorced and never was the stepmother shoved aside and divorced parents posed as if they are still married. I can understand one photo of the bride and their parents but how self-centered to expect that because it's "their day" paid for by someone else, that they can treat people like crap. Were these people raised in a barn or something? Absolutely, positively ridiculous!!!

That's good to hear Ruby55--"Not only do I have divorced parents and never behaved this way I have been to many, many weddings of friends whose parents are divorced and never was the stepmother shoved aside and divorced parents posed as if they are still married."

Even though I’m older, I actually haven’t been to that many weddings involving steps. I always wonder who the instigator is of some of these odd occurrences. Is it SK, BM, wedding planner, officiate, etc.? Probably a combination of the above. Some people try to quote wedding etiquette, but really, that is all over the board, and trust, me, I have researched step-mother wedding etiquette in depth. Isn’t the main thing just to treat everyone with respect at your wedding? And, if you can’t take a couple of pictures of dad with his wife AND give them to him, especially if you have done things with them for years, then to me common sense should tell you that is skank. I always think the way to tell would be to simply reverse it—for example, if you were at a kid’s wedding with your wife and someone only wanted you to be in family pictures, how do you think your wife would feel, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, how embarrassed would you be that your wife was being punked. That is something else that bothers me too—how the dad’s feelings are zero taken into consideration either. I mean, it is one thing to punk your step; but, you are basically sticking it to your dad too. I truly believe it is a maturity thing, after doing a lot of looking into this. Younger SKs getting married, who, granted, will still be a lot under BMs control, think it is fun to stick it to step-mom, not realizing this will negatively affect their relationship with their dad. I think what I’d tell these young people is what is more important to you: Sticking it to step-mom or having a good relationship with your dad? You can’t have it both ways.

My mother is not remarried but my dad is. He has been since I was a little kid. Believe me when I tell you I had the wackiest of all stepmothers. Alcoholic, bipolar, made life very difficult for us. That being said, she was invited to the wedding, sat with my dad of course, and was in the family photos with my dad. There was only one photo taken of just me and my mom and my dad. I had both of them walk me up the aisle and there is one photograph of them on either side of me just before going into the church. This was not pre-planned ahead of time nor was it a big deal to anyone. Cannot for the life of me imagine after the ceremony where all of the family photos were being taken, to ask or expect my stepmother to just sit out on all of this. How freaking rude can you get. I really don't have any issue with the bride wanting a shot or two of herself with mom and dad, but as far as the rest of all the family photos go stepmom should be right by dads side in all of them. I truly think that's the way the majority of people do it.

I am exactly in the same situation, my partner constantly runs around after his daughter, I too, can never get near him when she is around, even though she will be 30 years old next year.

She calls him several times a day, even though she has just got married to her partner of 3 years - and that is another story!

I have been with my partner for 11 years, I have always thought I have done the right thing by his kids, 3 grown up boys and the 'little princess' brat of a daughter. I always thought I got on with them well.

Saturday, she got married, daddy paid for absolutely everything, she did not talk to me about any of the wedding plans. So we turn up for the wedding, I could see all the family members being given corsages, I asked my partner where mine was, to be told that she had not got one for me - that was the first slap in the face, however, I put on a brave smile and continued into the ceremony, my partner's mother was sat at the front and she spoke to me so I sat down next to her to talk, his eldest son came over immediately and told me I could not sit there and moved me almost to the back of the venue - slap number 2.

After the ceremony, we went out for the photos, they all milled around together, including my partner and left me standing alone for some time. They then called my partner and his ex down for photos, leaving me there. My partner realised after about 15 minutes I was not around, then came back for me - slap number 3.

The final straw was when we went into the venue for the meal, I was not put on the top table which really upset me, I had to sit on another table with the cleaner who works for my partner and other guests, however, on top of that - they moved me again so my back was towards the top table - slap number 4!

During the interval, my partner came out and could see I was upset, when we had words, he could not see why and said, why does it matter where you sit? Really! I was fuming by this point. We went back in and they started the speeches, you know what, I was so damn p****d off by this point, I kept my back to them and only raised my glass when I had to.

My partner and I have had a huge argument over this as daddy's little girl can do not wrong. I put a quote up on a social media site regarding being not thought about, the little brat's older brother saw it and my partner came home and was livid and told me to take it down - I refused point blank as she needs to know how much she has upset me. We have been arguing ever since and I told him things have got to change, I am sick and tired of playing second fiddle to his kids, if he continues to molly coddle them I am out of here. She totally humiliated me at the wedding, she is either very stupid or very calculating - I think I know which I think she is.

My friends have put photos of me up at the wedding, I have messaged them all and told them I do not want to remember that day and got them to remove them. I have deleted the few that I have took and told my partner I do not want any photos of me at the wedding and will be speaking with her when she comes back off holiday, if she wants my friendship back, she will have a lot of making up to do, to be honest, I don't know whether I will ever be able to forgive her.

I have also said, I do not want his kids and their partners around all the time, I am putting my foot down - if he doesn't like it -simple - I will leave - I really have had enough , especially with what I have done for those kids in the past! :jawdrop:

Actually, some of these Steptalk posts stay out there and circulate longer than I think many realize. That is how I actually found Steptalk. I googled something like Stepmother Wedding Etiquette and up popped a post from four years previous. It wasn't this particular one, but I see I posted on this one on 6/8/15.

Many of these SM topics are still relevant 2, 3, 4, 6+ years later, and the multiple comments provided can give a lot of insight. My hope is that someday there will be no more posts about SMs being treated like invisible hos at their SKs weddings, because no SK will even think of treating them that way any more.

SavvyKim, you have right to be upset. You and your DH are married, and you'd think at a wedding, married couples would be treated like married couples. For me, as I think for most SMs, just being seated with your DH throughout the entire event (ceremony and reception), and being in a couple of pictures with the bridge and groom together, is good. No need for a corsage, and it is okay for bio-dad and BM to be in some pictures together with their kids. But, I don't want to minimize what you are feeling.

You have to decide how you want to handle the situation. Yes, I do think your DH probably set you up for this somewhat over the years by not being proactive in promoting you as his wife. Has happened to most of us. But, now you get to decide. His children, as adults, have shown you where you stand in their eyes. And, I'm assuming from what you said, since your DH had to go around looking for you, that they did not even care enough to give their father a heads-up to their plans for him or their plans for 86'ing his wife. I'm sure like most, they just assumed pops would have to problem throwing his wife under the bus for them and hanging out with his ex- and putting on the ritz all day long, while his wife (for XYZ years) didn't exist.

Anyway, not going to go into it much, but the way both my DH and I were treated at SD's wedding wound up with neither of us going to his son's wedding. Personally, now, I don't care whose plan or fault it was--SKs, BM, minister, and so on. All I care is that it did make me royally pissed at my DH and think less of him for months and months, and I'm still working on getting things back on a level playing field with him. I don't give a shiatsu what anyone else thinks about the situation or how it should have been handled, and so on. I don't give a shiatsu about what his adult SKs think any more either.

I look at my marriage to my DH as a personal bound between him and I. If no one else gets it, too bad. In the future, anyone tries to challenge that in public, there is going to be hell to pay. Because, I was already embarrassed to hell and back by his relative connections, so next time around, if anyone is going to be embarrassed, it ain't gonna be me.

P.S. Just like you, I actually confronted my DH at the actual wedding too, in the women's restroom! Looking back, the only thing I would have changed is I would have stood up and said FY, I'm leaving, a lot earlier.

Thank you ladies, I was really thinking I could be over reacting, but now I have read some posts on here, it seems the norm where little brat daughters play this game. When she gets back from her honeymoon, I will ask why she felt the need to do this, then I will distance myself and make excuses not to be around, I am sure she will soon get the message and so will her brothers. They are really going to miss coming to our villas in Florida and my slaving away providing parties for them with great food - oh well, their loss, she should have thought more about the consequences of her actions. As they say, for every action - there is a reaction

Yes I agree, I have to disengage, we had another huge fight again Sunday night, I have now hurt my partner with what I said about his brat of a daughter, but to be fair, enough is enough, I really do not know if we can survive this, I now hate her with every bone in my body. I hope I can cool down to protect my relationship, she is probably having a great time on holiday having a laugh about me.

I think I will have her father there when I talk to her and I will box clever, just a few questions asked correctly should show her for what she is - a scheming little cow! It is so difficult as my partner invites his kids round at every opportunity, I am sick and tired of this, they invite themselves on holiday with us, I am not even asked or consulted, just told they are coming, they always cause arguments when they come, they will do something to annoy their father - he then takes his rage out on me! If I refuse to do something - like having a party, go on holiday etc, he rants at me, he has thrown things at me on one occasion on holiday because he had a go and I retired to the bedroom. We were planning to move to Florida, I think I just need to keep my cool, slowly disengage and wait it out then I can completely distance myself from them all. The problem will then come when they want to visit - I will just have to disengage and make out I have to be somewhere or be doing something.

His bitch of a daughter constantly reminds me the home where I live with my partner is 'her dad's house', brings her daughter round and completely takes over the house and yes of course - he enables it, I feel a stranger in the home when the skids and their partners turn up, they sprawl themselves over all the sofas and he wonders why I go upstairs out the way, simple, I have nowhere to sit but on the floor. They also take over the remote control, youngest son and my partner's mother watch football constantly with my partner - he sees nothing wrong with this, he said my mother can watch whatever she wants, so bloody sick of this situation.

I arranged to cook a meal at Easter for his mum, his aunt my sister and partner - the full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings, on the Friday night, he invited all his kids, friends and told me I was cooking for 18 people - I was livid and upset, he said I was not allowed to do it in 3 sittings that he wanted it dished up all at the same time, please answer me a question here - am I being bullied by him - I think I know the answer!

Sorry for going on, but by writing on this forum, I think I am starting to realise, I have allowed him to push me around for years, put me behind his kids, even now his new son in law - just so bloody sick of it and I know I should have stood up to him sooner instead of letting him walk all over me :sick: