Names for Step-Parents

Forums:

I don't know if there is a thread like this somewhere else (if there is, I'd be glad to be redirected), but I have a question about what your skids call you.

I'm getting married in less than two months, and I will have two SDs, both 5. Right now they call me by my first name, but we thought it might be nice if they had a nickname for me. Not something with mom because it will be confusing for them and make their BM furious. She already has repeatedly reinforced that I will be their stepmom, which she thinks is putting up important boundaries and protecting them from seeing our family as the "real family", but it really is just doing us a favor. I WILL be their stepmom. She's very controlling and abusive toward my soon to be DH, but in this case, I understand the situation must be hard for her, so I don't mind.

The people who I talk to from older generations say it's a BAD idea to have them call me by my first name, but I don't have any other ideas. Is it a bad idea? Do any of you have nicknames?

Thanks!

You don't worry about what

You don't worry about what their BM wants them to call you. It's your domain and your house, not hers. I wouldn't even allow the bitch on same premises if she is a trouble maker. You want them to call you mom then you get your h to reinforce it. Personally I have my step kid call me mrs.---. Because thats just me. i wouldn't want someone else's kid calling me mom when I didn't give birth or raise baby.

Mine call me by my name and

Mine call me by my name and that will never change. Since they actually pronounce it correctly and are constantly correcting their mother how to say it - I am proud that they do.

My ex used to call his SM Name mom or Dragon Lady.

It has been discussed what I will be called when they have children of their own. They both agreed on MeeMaw. LOL

My SS has a nickname for me.

My SS has a nickname for me. When he was learning to talk, he couldn't say my name, it came out as something, NOT EVEN CLOSE to my name. But he has called me that for 10 1/2 years now. It kind of stuck. He is the ONLY one that calls me that. My kids call DH by his first name, unless DD13 wants something, then she calls him dad. LOL.

I personally don't think it is right to call a step parent mom or dad unless the Bio is out of the picture.

People have said it is a

People have said it is a respect issue. I don't know if I agree. I'm not completely against having them call me by my first name. They were calling me Ms. last initial because their dad and I both work at a school and that's what my students call me. That seemed too formal to me, so they are starting to call me by my first name. I think it's fine; I just wanted to know what other people had done. I'm part Japanese, so they are going to call my parents shortened versions of the Japanese words for grandmother and grandfather (although the SDs have resisted the one for my father because they want to call him Goofy instead

I guess part of me wants them to have a nickname for me because we are already very close and I think I will be a pretty big part of their life. But it's not so important that I want to pressure them or make things complicated. I'm just struggling with how to establish a role in their lives but also making it about them, not me. First and foremost, I want to take care of them. I love them.

I agree with this 100%

If what you're doing now is

If what you're doing now is working, don't change it. Tell those "older people", "Thank you for your advice" and then completely ignore them.

By the way, those exact same people are going to be around when you become a bio-mom. "Oh you CAN'T feed the baby THAT!" "You MUST do THIS for the baby!" etc etc etc ad nauseum. *eye roll* They will tell you that THEY always put baby to sleep on his tummy, so you should too. THEY fed the baby rice cereal by 2 months old, so that's what you must do. THEY didn't even USE carseats, so why are you so militant about it? Nope, best get used to ignoring the arm-chair parents now!

My youngest (Softheart) calls

My youngest (Softheart) calls me mama. At first I didn't like it but I got used to it. She calls her friend's moms "mama" too so it's not a big deal. Thunderfoot calls me by my name or "her".

The great thing about old

The great thing about old people is that they are gonna die soon.

Don't allow anyone to tell you what's okay for you and what's not. Leave things the way they are, let them call you by your first name unless they wanna call you SM? My dd calls my dh sd, (step-dad), she came up with is and we're all cool with it, (including dds bio-dad).

Osd calls me Smom because we are super close, the other two skids call me by my first name. Your house, your rules. I wouldn't go the mom route though...slippery slope my friend.

You want them to call you mom

You want them to call you mom then you get your h to reinforce it.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
That is the absolute worse advice today! She is not the kids mom and the BM would flip.

Them calling you by first name or nick name is just fine. Here...SS calls me by first name and my kids call DH by first name. No biggie.

What is the Japanese word for Aunt?

I know lol

Thanks for all the advice.

Thanks for all the advice. This forum has been a life saver.

The Japanese word for aunt is "oba".

My skids just call me by my

My skids just call me by my first name and it's no issue. I'd have an issue if they called me mom. I'm not their mom and would prefer that no one mistook me for their mom especially once they get a load of their table manners. When my DH and I were first together they called me by the nickname my DH uses, but apparently BM didn't like that and told them they had to call me by my full name. BTW my nickname is not "babe" or "sugar tits" or anything like that. It's just a shortened version of my first name, much like you might call a Graciela, Gracie. Do what makes you comfortable.

First name.

Have you read through these

Have you read through these forums? Let them call you -
-um, what was that pretty lady's name that dad used to date?

Sorry - I'm frustrated with this stepmom shit right now, again. I shouldn't dump on your excitement.

I've been around SD4 since

I've been around SD4 since she was 2, back then she struggled to pronounce my name correctly, so she ended up calling me by a nickname. The same nickname that my nieces use for me. Now she can say my full name but as far as shes concerned im still "nickname".
My fiance and I are getting married next year, she is well aware, and was already told by her mother that I am her step mother back when I first got together with my fiance.

I dont think the name issue will come into play until my fiance and I have a child of our own, its naturally more difficult for youngsters when they are in a household with other small children calling someone mum or dad. But by then SD should be old enough for it to be a non-issue.

My SD from my prior marriage

My SD from my prior marriage started calling me mom around the age of 4-5. Her BD tried to correct her but she wasn't having any part of it. THEN she called me mom in front of BM one time. All hell broke loose. I totally understood her hurt. We never asked SD to call me mom and like I said, BD tried to get her to stop. She still calls me mom (when I hear from her- long story)

My now SS"s call me by my first name if they speak to me at all. Mostly I am ignored. I am quite sure they (including BM) have some rachet nickname for me behind my back. hahaha. Usually the BM refers to he as "HER" or "she".
Its all good though...if they knew the nicknames I have for them they would flip out!!

Well right now my ignorant

Well right now my ignorant little skids don't call me anything because that would mean they have decent manners and actually treat me with respect. From SS13 I get a grunt and from SD17 I get a flick of her hair and a batting of her dreadfully long fake eyelashes. I cannot type what BM calls me here..........sorry to vent but I am having a very bad week skid-wise.

When DH and I got together,

When DH and I got together, my name was "Bud" like the kid from "The Cosby Show." Neither of us wanted BM to know I was around. SD was 5 then. I was Bud for about 18 months until she wanted to know who was in the car at a drop off. BM and I went to school together from 5th through 12th grades.
I have been Mrs. Evilicious (hated it because I felt like the nanny or housekeeper), I have been Lola, Lulu, and Cee. Never been mom to SD. The name she calls me now is foul. WTF ever.
Let the kids pick a name out that means something to them. It can help with bonding when they are little if their BM is not a hag like my SD's.

My skids call me by my first

My skids call me by my first name and I think that is perfectly fine. since yours are much younger maybe they will find a cute little pet name for you if not no big deal.

I was the SS to a wonderful man named Albert, I would affectionately call him Albee until the day he passed.

While most out here are venting on the bad things around skids and being a step parent, as a kid, my experience was much different and very positive.

Good luck, be patient, and breathe (a lot).

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