Apart from loving this man, why do you stay with him?
He has no respect for you.

I am sorry for your situation, but your friends are correct. Your best option is a divorce.

Leave

Mimilove, do not do ANYTHING or indicate to him that you are doing anything, not another word about leaving etc until you have him off your business - what can you do about that? I am so worried that this may prove to be a very costly lesson for you.

Sit tight, keep out of all of there way and get your financial ducks sorted BEFORE you give him any more inkling that you are leaving. Get onto that ASAP like MONDAY morning.

Pretend for just a little longer that you are still going to be his doormat. And when you have everything sorted and protected as best you can leave this sorry excuse for a man and get counselling.

(p.s. I am one of those who escaped - and trust me if I can do it you can too)

You stayed after your husband cheated on you with his ex and they kept the texting relationship up after that. The kids are disrespectful to you and BM has brought this accusations against you. That is all REAL bad. I know you say you love your husband but step back for a minute, take a deep breath and ask yourself why are you staying? Can you trust your husband? You have been outcasted and targetted in your role as SM but you have stayed.

You sound like me and for many many years I thought it would all work itself out in the end and we'd all be family. It does not work that way. These situations get worse, not better.

I have been in some serious therapy for 4 years now, married to a husband to has allowed for his kids to be disrespectful for 23 years. It causes terrible turmoil between the two of you and resentment on your part. You will get to the point where you do not like the children because of the way they treat you and the lack of support from bio parents.

You said you have not taken this to your family....why? Are they not supportive?

Let me share something I have learned from therapy is that the way I have been treated with husband has been the way I was treated as a child growing up so to receive no support is comfortable for me in a way (but really it is not). However, I cannot change my husband and no matter how much we have talked thru the years I can tell you little has been different than what you have described. That's a long time to wait for things to get better. I also found out thru therapy that many children raised by narcissistic parents grow up always trying please and feel they can do better and that if just given a chance things will get better, they don't get better.

My advise to you is get out of this marriage before there are any children with this man. Find a good therapist so you don't get yourself back in another situation like this one. This is NOT worth holding on to.

Quietly and quickly get your financial issues fixed. Go see that attorney on Monday.

If mom has never been a step, she has no clue and cannot give you the advice you need. Not until you are in the trenches do you know what steplife is about.

Be very careful who you tell in real life about leaving this broke, cheating, abusing, Disney dad. They may purposely or just simply slip up and tell him your intentions before you're ready.

If necessary open up new accounts and transfer your money into them. Some go so far as to get their own p o box so stuff won't show up at the house and create new email accounts to hide their trail.

If you're reading his email, he's reading yours. Be careful this man has already proven he will use violence to get his way.

Don't waste anymore of your youth/sunshine/time on this ugliness.

It's ok to be selfish in this case. It's really called self preservation.

LEAVE NOW. Why are you still staying??? There is nothing good about the situation you described. You need to take your friends advice and file for divorce asap before you get yourself in any deeper.

I find myself wanting to yell at you and ask you WTF is wrong with you. Are you desperate or stupid? This man is only out for himself and his kids. As long as you continue to financially support him, he will continue all his crap!!! LEAVE HIM,GET AWAY. TAKE THAT50% of your business back you fool. The world is such a big place, you'll find another man,trust me!!! No body should ever deal with shit like this!!!!!!!

The kids aren't even on my radar as an issue for you;
I say this, because the step kids aren't in your picture at all when you decide about the dad, and to me, he'd be gone gone gone gone gone gone gone!

Physical, mental or emotional abuse = ZERO tolerance.
Cheating (however defined between those in the relationship) = ZERO tolerance.

Basically, remember YOUR VALUE, who you are deep inside. Are you so horrible, honestly, at your core of who you are as a person that you deserve any of that? (If you think "maybe" or "yeah, kinda". . . please please seek assistance!) Even if you struggle with your self-worth. . . or don't see it currently. . . think of who you could become, and the good you could do for the world, and others who value you as you are! Then it may be easier to decide for yourself to not accept any people into your life who don't treat you the way you deserve.

So yeah; he doesn't treat you well, easy! Better to be alone than with the wrong person. REALLY! Learn and discover your worth, and never let others create doubt in that!

Don't like the step kids? Not an issue.

Run, sister, run.

This behavior is never going to change!! You will be waiting your life away and for what? To be married to a man who is CLEARLY still wanting to be a family with someone else.

There are many groups that offer free or low cost counseling for battered and abused women. Just google domestic abuse to find one in your area. You need to get away from this man and get yourself help. Your self esteem is low. A therapist will help you get better. You will feel so much better when he is out of your life. Be grateful you dont have children with this man. and trust me, it doesn't get better over the years. As your step children become adults it will only get worse.