New here. evil SD

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I am new. I have been with DH for a few years now and I have several kids whom he adores. He has one adult daughter who I only met for the first time 3 months ago because of her refusal.

She came to dinner and I was very nice and things went ok. The next week we went camping in a different state for Day birthday and he, without consulting me, invited her up for a few days. She does not camp so get got her a hotel.

On his birthday I wanted to get a cake, but she got one. Then I walked to the.General store at the campsite to use wifi. My DH came down and said to come back to camp so they could sing Happy Birthday. I said I had to finish an email and would be there in a couple of minutes.

I got back to our camp less than 5 minutes later and SD had lit the candles, sang happy birthday and they were eating cake. I just walked away. I was so upset that I didn't go back to camp until she had left.

My kids felt terrible I was not there. DH said I should have come back when he told me. I don't think I will ever get over her doing that or him allowing it. I told him I had no interest in being in the same room with her again.

He thinks I am overreacting. My feeling is life is short and I am not willing to spend mine with a hateful diva.

Did I overreact? What do I do about dealing with her in the future?

Obviously she did it on

Obviously she did it on purpose. A reasonable person would have waited until the birthday boys wife was there. I wouldn't place the blame only on her though. Your husband is a big boy and could have told that he did not want to celebrate without his lovely wife.

In the future I would have surprise celebrations and invite her about an hour beforehand. You could say that you were busy making plans. Or have celebrations where it is only the two of you. She doesn't want you in her life then that is fine, but you are under no obligation to make sure that she is ever involved in your life or plans.

If he wants to see her he can do all of the planning. I would just ignore her when she is around, and if daddy says something then you can tell him that she is overreacting.

Very good advice. And yes, I

Very good advice. And yes, I blamed him too. He knew he was wrong.

No you did not overreact.

Let's turn the tables. Let's say it was your sd who was at the campsites general store using wifi and your dh walk to the store to tell your sd that you guys were getting ready to lite the candles. Your sd now says SHE would be there shortly. SD now walks back to your campsite and YOU had already lit the candles and sang happy birthday. So now it is your SD who is upset and she complains to daddy.

So now my question is "Would your dh think SHE was overreacting or would he think YOU had been rude not to wait?"

Thanks. I really let him have

Thanks. I really let him have it. I told him the exact same thing you said, that I would never do that to her or him. He did apologize later, but I think I have made the decision-makers n that I do not want anything to do with her. Not sure how to pull that off.

His daughter later.said ' should we relight the cake (half eaten). I feel bad. But I know she.didn't.

Ha ha! Of course she did not

Ha ha! Of course she did not feel bad, she was smirking inside. She is too old to not know what she did and that it was wrong.

Thanks. I agree.

That is exactly the case.

That is exactly the case. This happened a full week ago and I am still incredibly angry. Not outwardly but inwardly. I told him I didn't want her terrorist bike influence on my kids. She is 26

That is exactly the case.

That is exactly the case. This happened a full week ago and I am still incredibly angry. Not outwardly but inwardly. I told him I didn't want her terrible influence on my kids. She is 26

She did it on purpose. She

She did it on purpose. She disrespected you, her dad, and your marriage.

To your DH, is may seem like a small thing but for her to go ahead with the celebration like that, without her dad's wife present, was sending a huge message. For one thing, it was your and DH's camping trip to begin with, she was basically a "guest".

I have had lots of ups and downs with my dad's wife but I would never do something like that. Not because I adore her but because I love my dad and respect his marriage.

Your DH is not much better. He allowed her to proceed without you and excused her behavior by saying that YOU are overreacting.

Thank you.

I see your point. My problem

I see your point. My problem comes with the fact that we have been together for a few years and she has flatly refused to meet me at all, then this is what she does. Passive aggressive.

I think this will make the op

I think this will make the op seem aggressive and make it seem like she is actively trying to cause problems with the sd. This may cause unneeded conflict in her marriage with her dh, which if prob what so wants. The sd had issues with her dad Getting remarried which is why she never wanted to meet the op.

IMHO it may be easier to simply not give a second thought to the sd and not include her in plans. The sd is an adult not a kid who need daddy and me time.

I mean come on, I am a sd, and I would never treat my sm this way. I know as an adult that if I want to be involved in his life, then I need to respect her.

Tbh I am at a point right now

Tbh I am at a point right now where if I tried to talk about it I would lose it. I made sure they both knew I would not do that to them. For now I need some space from her. That is something I can control.

Yes... married.

That's right. Bad behavior

That's right. Bad behavior unchecked GROWS!

Lmao! I am not that patient.

I was worse. I told him I

I was worse. I told him I didn't want to be around her ever again. Lol

She's 26 years old and has

She's 26 years old and has not been in your life at all until 3 months ago. Go back to that mode.

Do not waste any time trying to convince your DH of his daughter's faults. Just remove her from your life - 100%.

Your DH does not want to hear about his daughter's flaws even if he is perfectly aware of them. The biggest argument DH and I ever had was over SS30 2-3 years ago. One of his friends contacted me because he did not want SS30 in his home. My DH is totally aware of his son's problems, but when he was humiliated because of SS30's actions he got defensive and struck back - at me the messenger.

Since you have a history of a few years of not seeing her it should be easier to remove her from your life than if she was in your home all the time.

I have not seen SS30 in almost 2 years. I never bring up his name. I give non-committal answers when DH mentions him. I could go on for days about what a worthless POS SS is, but I just have him on permanent ignore.

SS lives a couple of miles from us and his GF is pregnant. I do not expect my stance to change at all. I feel very sorry for the GF (young and naïve) and the baby to be - but she has supportive parents who will have to bail her out - not me or DH.

My advice is to totally let go of the birthday snub. Do not plan any retaliation or any communication with her about how shitty she was. Absolutely no good can come of it. What you want is for her to be a non-presence in your life. You now know that there is nothing she can bring to your life but grief - so dismiss her.

IGNORE THE WHORE - mantra of SM's everywhere.

I am sure you are right. Dh

I am sure you are right. Dh has mentioned her a couple of times since the event and I say nothing. I think f he mentions doing anything with her I will say no thank you and leave it at that.

That's what I do. DH

That's what I do. DH mentioned going out to eat with SS or eating at the restaurant where he works a couple of times. I just say no without going into "I don't want to be around that f***ing bastard" mode.

Either your SD is a real B or

Either your SD is a real B or she is just rude and dense. Whichever it is there is no way for you to fix her. She's refused to meet you and then shows up and pulls this little stunt...wow. That's just a jerk thing to do to anyone but especially your fathers wife.

If this were me I would encourage DH to meet with her on his own for a birthday dinner either before or after the event. Obviously she does not play well with others, you tried, he can have a relationship with her but without you involved.

I think she is just a selfish

I think she is just a selfish jerk. She later said she.felt bad but I know she didn't. I plan to just not be around her. I really am so angry about it and need to let that go.

I am angry she involved my kids.

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