Just wondering about this
Forums:
Okay my skids mom makes $90,000 a year and my husband makes $40,000....I'm like if you don't know how to take care of two girls on that kind of money what the heck is wrong with you??? And one girls turning 16 this year good gravy!!! Just saying!
Your husband doesn't make
Your husband doesn't make enough to fully support 2 adults, 1 kid and help support 2 other kids. He's right, you need to get a job.
This is OP's write up/
This is OP's write up/ bio:
"Well hello there,I am a married woman to a man with three daughter's from a previous marriage. And My husband and I have one together,just a toddler right now,really not knowing what to do with this situation I'm in."
It's the whole how much CS is too much and should the father pay the same as the BM based on the differing incomes. No mention is made of how much maintenance is paid. In an alternate post it's mentioned that DH would like OP to work instead of be a SAHM.
Money is obviously tight in their home. However the three girls cannot be penalized for the DH deciding to remarry and have a fourth child.
Money would not be tight if
Money would not be tight if the OP would get a job.
The man just doesn't earn enough for them to be a one income family.
Man who makes the babies =
Man who makes the babies = man who always helps pay for his babies. As it should be. Same goes for Mom's.
Amen! My ex also has 6 kids.
Amen! My ex also has 6 kids. His mom found out about his first two the same time I did...while I was pregnant with BS20! That woman literally took her shoe off and smacked him upside the head with it (gotta love those old school Hispanic moms)! We were already having problems at this point...he was being emotionally abusive. After BS20 was born, he started getting physically abusive, as well. He started seeing other women while we were still married, and I finally got my out when he got himself arrested for DWI! Changed the locks, packed all his crap up in trash bags, and told his mom to come get it! She didn't blame me one bit. The woman he was with at that time he had more kids with...the whole while complaining to me that he couldn't find work and stuff as the reason why he couldn't pay is $100/month! At the same time, he kept cancelling visits because he supposedly had to work! Yeah, I called him on that lie several times. The few times that he did have visits, he would complain that BS20 was in old, worn shoes. He would start yelling at me that I needed to buy him new shoes and everything...asking where the hell HIS money was going! That is when I would say something like, "For one, you haven't given me a dime in 6 months. Two, he DOES have nice shoes, but I'm not about to send him over here in them, because every time he has worn his good shoes for school here, they come home ruined because you make him wear them into the lake or something like that!"
When DH adopted my bios, I was so happy to be rid of my ex once and for all. Then, the jerk decides during BS20's senior year of high school that he was going to try to be a dad...DH adopted my bios when BS20 was in 4th grade! Dude started showing up to football games and came to BS20's graduation talking about how proud he was that BS20 was going to college and all. I behaved myself, though I wanted to say, "Why are you proud? You had nothing to do with this outside of being a donor!"
When it comes to the first two kids...my ex has seen them maybe once in his life...two different moms. The kids after we divorced, I can't say who is the worse parent...my ex or their mom. You look her up on Facebook, and she is complaining that my ex is all back into drinking and smoking pot and isn't paying his support. Yet, she has all kinds of posts about smoking and drinking herself! I saw my ex at Christmas as BS20 wanted to see his grandmother (she always stayed active in his life), and my ex showed up. Man, he looks terrible...but he had the kids with him and was going on and on that their mother is the deadbeat. Poor kids...so glad I got mine out of that crap and that they now have the lives they have!
I hate to say it, but I have
I hate to say it, but I have to agree with others here. When my ex and I divorced, he was court ordered to pay $100/month. I made more money than my ex. It wasn't about me needing the money...it was about him being responsible to his child! When he didn't pay his support, you bet I went after him for it. Like I said, I didn't need it, but he helped bring this child into this world, and he was responsible to the child unless someone else volunteered to step up to the plate! DH ended up adopting my bios, and only that ended my ex's responsibility for them.
At the same time, DH pays enough child support for HHB to cover 100% of her needs while BM sits on her butt and does not contribute. The woman remarried, and then had another kid. She keeps using this other kid, who isn't DH's, as an excuse why she needs more child support!! She also tries to use my income as a reason why she deserves more child support! She hasn't worked a day in HHB's life, and the girl is 16. She is constantly calling DH to provide for extras (like makeup, dance shoes, etc.) which should come out of the child support, not to mention, the woman has a responsibility to help financially provide for this child, as well, but rather, tried to get him to continue giving her half the child support...when the child wasn't even with her, not even weekends! It isn't supposed to be a one-sided deal. Again, she helped bring the child into the world! HHB even lived with us for a spell, and the woman didn't pay a cent of support to help! Instead, she would call DH yelling at him if he told the girl "no" to anything she asked for! She wanted braces that even the dentist said she didn't need? Oh, well, she needs to have them, and how dare DH tell the child no! She wanted more clothing to add to the mountains of clothing she already had in her room...more than me and DH combined? How dare DH not take the girl shopping!
It doesn't matter what each parent makes...that does not take away their financial responsibility for the child.
I only resent the fact that
I only resent the fact that in DH's case, BM isn't doing her share, and expects us to foot the bill for everything. They even went so far once as SF signing DH's name to the paperwork when BM took HHB to the ER for a fall she had during dance in school. She never even told DH about the visit! HHB ended up only having a very minor bruise, but with the deducible, the bill for the ER was some $900! BM didn't pay a dime on that bill! She makes a habit of using the ER as a GP (HHB's injury was seriously minor, and could have waited until morning to go to the clinic and BM only have to pay the $20 copay). DH ended up having to pay the bill or face his credit being ruined, as the hospital payments department refused to accept his argument that he never checked HHB in, and that SF forged his signature! He did end up taking $450 out of the child support, and gave BM a good stern warning that that would be the last time they pull something like that...next time he would call the cops on SF!
Sad thing is, the months he took money out of the support to cover BM's court ordered half of that medical bill, BM then told HHB that she needed to bug DH for everything, because he shorted the child support and that was the reason she didn't have money for her makeup and new dance shoes! So, yeah, DH basically still ended up on the hook for the entire medical bill anyway, because then he had to turn around and tend to BM's demands to buy HHB all this stuff that wasn't "NEEDS", but simply wants.
her bio says she's in
her bio says she's in illinois.
if her skids mom lives in or around chicago, then $90K really isnt that much to support 3 people on. housing alone probably takes $25K a year.
Whoa what? I was meaning they
Whoa what? I was meaning they should both be able to figure it out and n to the o I'm not working I'm in the middle of school and taking care of a baby... No I'm not supporting his ex..
He pays, she pays....since
He pays, she pays....since they both played.
How does you getting a job to
How does you getting a job to support yourself equate to you paying for the ex?
I don't get it. The guy doesn't make much money why should he support you?
If you can't afford to be a SAHM then you go to work. Sucks but dude, that's life.
The two of them have figured
The two of them have figured it out. They are both working and helping to support their children.
The problem it what's going on in your home. The two of you haven't figured out a way to BOTH financially support your child. Plenty of mothers have worked, completed their degrees and took care of their children.
Your husband is asking you to help support your family. This has nothing to do with BM.
"Plus plenty of women work
"Plus plenty of women work while having infants and in school. It's not unusual. Challenging yes, unheard of? No."
So true! I worked a full time job all through college. I did it while BD24 was very young, and gave birth to BS20 while I was still in college. You have to do what you have to do to support your family.
For one he's mentally and
For one he's mentally and verbally abusive,he's a bad example for anyone and if It falls apart then hey it's on him not on me, he's threatened me about kidnapping our child and running off, he said when I least expect it he'll find him an take him,he tried to take his kids from their mom with no grounds for them to leave, his daughter is abusive,and it's just not worth it.
Yeah I'm planning on leavin
Yeah I'm planning on leavin him and getting one
I'm not supporting his
I'm not supporting his abisive self or his abusive children and their ignorant mother
I'm so confused. You would
I'm so confused. You would not be supporting his exwife and their kids.
To be honest, at this point BM is feeding you and your kid.
How can you leave if you do not have any money?
If your husband wanted to take your son and run, he could do it right now. He could just pick the kid up and walk out of the door at anytime.
It sounds like your husband is pissed because he gone from living in a household
with a combined income of almost $150K to one of less than $50K. The fact that his current family is now receiving foodstamps to survive must be killing him. He has to be totally humiliated by all of this.
Was talking with my
Was talking with my grandfather a little while ago, and he was saying that he missed the day when the measure of a man was how well he took care of his family! I couldn't agree more!
If OP's husband is ashamed to be on assistance, he very well should be! But he should be upset enough to want to do something positive about it. I make quite a bit more than my DH, and it does bug him. However, when he whines I have no sympathy, because it doesn't bug him enough to do anything about it! For starters...I've been at the same job for 10 years, and that is a big reason why I make what I do. I take advantage of company paid training to advance myself and stay relevant in my field. Also, when you stick with a company for some time, you are more likely to get raises and promotions.
My DH, on the other hand, has been at 5 different companies in that same amount of time. He hates every job he has and is always looking for something else. He can't ever weather out the tough times! What happened is that he basically moved laterally from job to job...never staying anywhere long enough to get promoted. In the mean time, I've been promoted twice, because I stayed long enough to work my way up the career ladder. That is why I now make so much more!
I applaud OP for being in school to better herself. However, if things are as bad as she says, she needs to start developing her escape plan! I've been in her shoes with my ex, and my ex tried to thwart me finishing school because it was putting me ahead of him! Rather than lift himself, he tried to hold me down! The woman he was with after me told me one time while I was picking up after one of the very few visits (ex wasn't there) that she wanted to go to school, but my ex flat out told her she wasn't allowed because of what happened with me (I.e. he couldn't keep me under his control, because I put myself in a position to do it on my own...I didn't NEED him).
The man isn't some deadbeat
The man isn't some deadbeat who refuses to support his family. He is doing everything he is supposed to do. He is working and supporting all of his children. He's working and supporting his wife and himself.
All the poor guy is doing is asking his wife to get and help and help him support their family.
There's something wrong with an able-bodied person who would rather take hand outs from the government than get a job. To go from a woman who was capable and willing to contribute financially to the household to one who absolutely refuses to do so, has to be doing a mind blowing.