Husband blew it at CS meeting
Background, I’m the smom of a 13 year old boy, been in his life 9 years now. BioMom has been in and out of his life, but never supported him financially. For complicated reasons, my DH hasn’t gone for CS until now. He had the mediated meeting yesterday with biomom, and I feed that DH blew a good opportunity. All this time and the only $$ she’s paid forward is the occasional xmas or b-day present. She doesn’t make much money, but was ordered to pay over $300 per month in cs for ss13. She broke down sobbing at the meeting, and my husband compromised and agreed that she ONLY has to pay $100 per month. I feel this is outrageously low, even for a woman who doesn’t make much money. Some other details about her situation:
• She has another daughter with another man and pays over $300 per month in cs to her
• She is paying rent now, but for the past 10 years I’ve known her, she never pays rent and lives with family/boyfriends, and spends all her money on cloths, tanning, and make-up. She nevers saves any money and spends boyfriends money on said stuff if she can.
My husband and i can pay bills but dont have much left over for savings (college savings for ss and daughter, retirement, etc.) Am i being petty? Should she pay more or Should I let it go since weve gone this long without her contributing financially?
Tia for feedback!
Your dh should hold her to
Your dh should hold her to the higher amount for the simple reason that having to pay may slow down this woman's reproduction rate. She has 2 kids by 2 different men yet neither one lives with her as custodial parent. Something wrong with that picture for sure. So far she willy nilly gestates then gets on with life. If she has to pay every time she makes a baby it will magically make her more interested in birth control. Her having fewer motherless children will be good for society and good for your husband's child. Right now she has few consequences for willfully creating a human being, she doesn't even care for them.
I would be absolutely furious
I would be absolutely furious at my dh had he made and agreement like that with bm without consulting me first. this is a major no-no in our marriage and I probably would have filed for divorce. if any of your money is going towards his kid's support, stop it now. if your dh wants to give ss's mother a break fine, but he'll have to contribute more to your household budget to support him. and, by the way, saving for retirement should be #1 priority over helping out poor widdle helpless bm. time to have the "talk" with your dh and force him to get his priorities straight.
I am in a much better
I am in a much better financial position than my SO. We have not moved in together yet, but we have had several talks about it including finances. I made it perfectly clear that my income is not to make up for lack of future planning for his 3 kids, such as college.
The kids have zip, zero, zilch, NOTHING for college. My parents started college accounts for both my brother and I when we were born.
My money is exactly that. MINE. I am not going to forfeit my plans for travel so I can subsidize the future education for his kids. If I choose to help out, it will be just that, MY CHOICE. I will not be asked or pressured to do so, it will be because I offer from the kindness of my heart.
I just paid for a week of summer camp for both of the younger skids and they stayed with me for the week. It was my idea, my choice, I did so willingly, and the week went great for all of us!
Yep, your DH caved to the
Yep, your DH caved to the tears on demand of his idiot XW. As for $100/mo .... that is not that bad in all reality. The Sperm Idiot paid $110/mo (He was a landscape laborer) for my Skid for a year then $133/mo for 9 years (Somewhere in that time he became a licensed plumber) before we finally got a reasonable CS order and he started paying $785/mo but that only lasted a year before he went crying to court and got it reduced to $385/mo for the final 7 years of the CO.
This is DH's first cut at nailing his gag worthy XW for CS. Two years from now he can likely go at it again, and every two years after that. Check your states CS mod regulations. Most allow a mod request every two years.
My bride was bound and determined not to piss the Sperm Clan off and avoided nailing them for more CS even as the Sperm Idiot spawned three more out of wedlock children with two more baby mamas. Her main reasoning was that she did not want them taking it out on our kid during visitation. Finally I got her to gain clarity that they were giving the SKid shit anyway and she stepped up and nailed the Sperm Clan to the wall for the Skid's equity share of the Sperm Idiot's income.
Keep the pressure on your DH. He will gain clarity and start protecting his child's best interests rather than bending to his X's manipulative toxic tears.
I would just let it go. Don't
I would just let it go. Don't let it get into your head and upset you. It really isn't worth it. As you said you've gotten by without anything up to this point.
He could maybe look into investing that $100 each month so that there might be something there for post secondary. Or try to raise an intelligent kid who will get a scholarship, LOL. Is he any good at sports?? Both my step-kids got basketball scholarships.
I have to say i find it so odd the way that CS works in different places. Where I am it's a chart put out by the government. If you make $xx and you have one child you pay $, if you have two kids, you pay $$. Easy peasy, no negotiation, no hardship, no tears, no I'll give you the house if you say no CS, none of that crap.
Yes, there are difficulties is someone is self employed and tries to hide money or gets bonuses and doesn't inform the court but for the most part it's pretty easy.
I would also be furious if my
I would also be furious if my DH made a financial decision that impacted me without consulting me first. Your husband basically let a few tears and his ego come before the needs of his child and his family. What a fool.
Are your finances separate? They should be.