Wicked grandfather...I'm feeling the urge to go crazy on right. Now
Well some of u know my story and how DHs family completely ignores my family thanks to evil sd. Today is my twins birthday. Grandfather normally sends them a whole $20.00.. So today they open the card and it's empty. They just turned 13 and needless to say they were upset. I'm itching to call and tell this mf off. Why even send a card. Do you wish to upset them.. He gives dh kids and Dhs son daughter beautiful gifts. Why do this to innocent children. What a piece of shit. I'm so itching right now. Next year I will throw the card out and he won't even be a thought in their heads. This will never happen again. He's always been a piece of shit but really they're children. They expect a little something. Meanwhile if we don't give him good gifts he has a stroke. He had an operation recently and I sent a big gift basket to the house. I'm fuming mad right now. Would you tell him off or let if go?
I personally wouldn't tell
I personally wouldn't tell him off. If I already know my husband's family ignores mine, then we wouldn't expect anything in the first place.
I would always suggest
I would always suggest opening it first that way you spare your kids that kind of hurt. I know in my house, I always open daughters mail just as a precaution and then tell her to call or send thank you. In your case.. I would have the girls call and say thank you for the card, it was adequate and we appreciate your efforts.. If you can't tell, that was a LOT of sarcasm LOL
I would never open my kids
I would never open my kids mail. What an invasion of privacy. If it's from someone we don't know or may be bad news I'll be there but it's their mail! Talk about helicopter parenting.
Next time send it back.
Next time send it back.
You let it go and tell the
You let it go and tell the kids he isn't obligated to give them anything. The card was just fine. For them to be upset because he didn't send them money, comes across as greedy and entitled. To say something to him about it, sends the message that you are encouraging greed and entitlement.
He acknowledged their birthday. That should be all that matters.
Agree with Disneyfan. My SDs
Agree with Disneyfan. My SDs were taught to expect that everyone gives them something (but they never had to acknowledge or thank anyone for it), and they grew up to be greedy, self entitled people. Why not be happy that he sent them a card? Do they send him a card on his birthday?
I used to bend over backwards
I used to bend over backwards to be accepted by SD. This meant doing things for her, paying half of everything for her including trips, and buying special things that I thought she would like. I was plain stupid! My SD became more rude with every butt kissing year that went by. She would never say thank you to me unless Daddy was around. Then she would be sickly sweet and phony about it. The last time I bought a pin, her Father presented it to her. When I saw that she had opened the package, I said, "Oh, you saw the pin." She replied as she walked away with her back to me and blurted over her shoulder, "Ya, I saw it!" When Daddy entered the room, he said, "I gave Princess her pin." She then ran up to me and gushed, "Oh how nice! Thank you!" That was the last time I spent a dime on her.
WOW
WOW
I think children that age
I think children that age need to start seeing how others behave or view things. I know it sounds cruel but eventually they have to be able to form their own opinions and views. Calling someone up because they're treating others differently and placing demands isn't going to bring them around - or do much of anything - except making you look like a screaming banchee and they can use that against you. Also, don't say anything negative (even if you feel like it). Kids are sponges, they take it in and often repeat it - sometimes out of context and it hurts not one person but many. Just, don't react. Tell the children you're sorry and it's the thought (or lack thereof) that counts. Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. They'll figure it out. And, they should. Saves a lot of mixed messages and heart aches later. They'll know where and who they can turn to when the chips are down.
Honestly, if your kids are
Honestly, if your kids are upset/hurt about the card,I think you should be angry with them.
The man didn't do anything wrong. You, your husband (and possibly the kids)are the ones out of line.
So if things were tight and
So if things were tight and you just didn't have it at the time, you wouldn't send your kids or grandkids an empty card?
If your kids/grandkids have to have money or a super,duper card to know that they are loved and cared about, I feel sorry for them.
If you and your husband are this worked up over something some minor, his family may be justified in the way they behave.
Call me crazy but I don't
Call me crazy but I don't believe happiness has a price tag.
I think what she is trying to
I think what she is trying to say and show is that, the kids see that the grandparent gives to all other kids and excludes hers as a way of being cruel. It's not that the money is the key factor, I think it is the disrespect of showing the kids they do not matter as much as the "real" kids do. I get it and again I said, it was adequate for him to send a card, but if done out of disrespect, yes I can surely see why this family is upset over the issue. But this is JMO
The "real" kids are in their
The "real" kids are in their 30s. How in the world would the OP's kids even know what the other kids get or don't get??
I am just floored by this.
I am just floored by this. This just makes you and your family sound greedy and entitled. Maybe I am missing something. what about telling the kids to call your DH dad and thanking him for the nice card and teaching your children the right thing to do.
Yes really...I am floored by
Yes really...I am floored by your take on this.
You think it was wrong for this man to remember YOUR kids birthday and send them a card? WTH?
Oh thats right...you are mad because he did not put money in it for your "little" children.
Have kids do the right thing. Call the man and THANK him for the card. Don't teach your kids to be this un grateful!!
I guess you are a woman that
I guess you are a woman that would do that to your grandchild. I personally would never. I would want my grandchild to be happy and excited. Call me crazy
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
LMAO!! I want my grandkids to NOT be entitled little greedy turds. Call ME crazy. And yes...I do agree...this in one of the most strange things I have debated here.
They should be grateful that
They should be grateful that he remembered and acknowledged their birthday. :?
At their ages, they should have picked up the phone on their own to call and thank him. There's no need for you to have anything to do with that call.
You can be generous without
You can be generous without spending money. Spending a few hours in the hospital with his friend would have been just a good (and probably more meaningful)than a box of candy.
I'm with Willow and Disney
I'm with Willow and Disney here.... I don't see an insult in sending someone a card. I send cards to my nephew without anything in them.... Should I stop? I don't get it. Since when did sending someone a card with a nice wish in it become an "empty" card? Did he not sign it? I mean an empty card is one with no message, no signature, just total blank white inside.
What does it matter what he gives anyone else? It sounds like these aren't his grandkids, that they are his step grandkids. Having given a gift previously does not obligate one to give gifts in the future. Why would a call be okay but a card is not? Why on earth is it cruel to not give teenagers money? I really don't understand how what he did is so terrible.
If he handed DH's kids money in front of your kids and looked at them and said None for you, that would be mean. Remembering their birthday and sending a car.... that's not mean.
Refgardless of their
Refgardless of their intentions, which I personally try not to assume because I'm not a mind reader.... giving your kids a different perspective on it. "They remembered your birthday, how nice!" Seems like it would be a much kinder move as a parent than "they didn't put anything inside? How terrible!"
So when they commented
So when they commented nothing was inside you said nothing? That's still saying something to kids.
i dont normally post on
i dont normally post on forums, but WOW what a divisive topic this has become!!!
lurch has begun his search for a vehicle, assuming he's got the same 'budget' (monetary GIFTS from various family members) that oss had. i have had to remind him on several occasions that a gift is not obligatory, he should never expect any set amount, and to be grateful for what he may end up with.
that being said, he would (and most likely will be) crushed to receive less, feeling the pain of what (from his perspective) is favoritism. i'm trying to prepare him for that by reminding him of what i said above.
dh's family is not obligated to give anything, and yes they should be appreciative for anything they *do* get, even if it's just a card. but that's not gonna stop the kid from feeling shitty when they see the steps get fabulous gifts. and it's also not gonna stop momma bear (OP) from wanting retaliation on behalf of her kids.
i guess it's another opportunity to teach kids coping, appreciation, inner strength, and resiliency. i'm sorry tho', OP. it sucks to see them hurt.
Maybe he did have a stroke,
Maybe he did have a stroke, he just had an operation right? I have my kids call and thank their grands anytime they get anything, card, money, visits. Maybe he couldn't get to the bank or didn't have $20 bucks lying around. This could be an opportunity for your twins to call grandpa, see how he's doing and show some compassion. It's not all about what you can get from someone but what you can give to them as well.
Just send a thank you note
Just send a thank you note and be done with it. Have a little talk with your kids about expectations. Teach them to say thank you for every card or gift. The SKIDS are entitled. Your kids don't have to be.
Are the twins grandpa's
Are the twins grandpa's biological grandchildren or your children from a previous marriage?