You are here

Step Parent talk with new children

w01fpack81's picture

Submitted by w01fpack81 on Thu, 04/30/2015 - 2:58pm

Forums: 
Step/Bio Father's Den

I'm interested in sitting down with my future stepdaughters and telling them how I feel about becoming their new stepdad. I'd like input on what to say when I do this. So far, I have a few ideas including "I value your feelings and will do whatever I can to respect you." Things like this. Please feel free to post anything you think would be constructive. The girls are between ages 7 & 11; there are three.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Sat, 08/01/2015 - 12:00pm

I would not bother other than to inform them that you love their mom and that they will be your family. Navigate from there as your relationship with their mom unfolds. Often people try to put more on a kid than a kid needs or can handle. A 7yo and 11yo do not need to be confronted with this adult stuff.

My son was 15mos old when his mom and I met. We married the week before he turned 2yo. So I don't have a reference for this stage of a relationship with pre-teen children.

Just my thoughts of course.

Good luck.

Notmomtomple's picture

Submitted by Notmomtomple on Wed, 12/16/2015 - 9:27am

When I married my DH his daughters were 10 and 11. We were together for 5 years prior and had a few age-appropriate discussions about what our relationship might look like. At the wedding I shared vows with them too. If I can find them, I'll post them on here for you. Basically, they need to know that you love their mom and that you hope that your relationship with them will grow with mutual respect. They are young and I agree that not too much grown up stuff should be handed to them. It is okay to bring it up, just don't expect them to want to have a full conversation about it. I'm not sure what their BD story is but my girls are very close to their BM and it was important for me to say that they have a great mom and that I am not trying to take on that role, simply that I am here for them if they need me. It was also important to them that I respect their relationship with their dad, that I am not trying to come between them. Now they are 14 and 16, they are good kids (for teens }:) ) and I feel like my place in their life is stable. This didn't happen because we talked about it, though. It happened because I demonstrated it consistently. Good luck!