BM is SERIOUSLY beginning to get on my nerves!
We were preparing dinner tonight, just having learned that DH's daughter had given birth and confirmed we would be there tomorrow to see the baby, and DH's cell rings - and it's BM. She was on her way to the hospital and hoped DH could help her with directions so they didn't get lost. Grrrr!
I asked DH how BM got his cell # and he said he didn't know, maybe YSD gave it to her, and that BM has never called him on this number before
Of course we get into an argument because as far as I'm concerned that was totally unnecessary. Both SD's are in their 30's now, there is zero reason BM needs to be calling DH on his cell. She could have called SSIL who was at the hospital, or relied on her own SO to get her there.
And especially after I've just had to put up with her all day Sunday including a small "family dinner" at OSD's where BM couldn't seem to get past trying to impress DH, I've seriously had it right now with this crap from her
I've always generally gotten along with BM, and although she has somewhat crossed the line on occasion in the past, for the most part we have maintained a good relationship. All four parents, both bio and step, have always worked together for the sake of the kids/skids and now GK's/SGK's
From the beginning I said nothing on occasions like Christmas Day when DH would drive to BM's to spend it with SD's there (when they were young) I attended joint birthday parties for YSD, sitting at the same table as BM, both middle and high school graduations for SD's including staying back at BM's house with her SO and OSD while BM and DH went to YSD's ceremony alone together.
Weddings, funerals including MIL's where DH's sister invited not only BM but DH's first girlfriend from practically 40 years ago (don't get me started on that one!)
Anyway, the point is I've always cooperated and never made a stink....except on the rare but stupid occasions BM would ask DH to come over to fix her stereo for example, or insisted on calling and talking to DH when her dog died so she could cry into the phone and have him comfort her, ...(was sympathetic about the dog but finally put my foot down over going to her house to fix things for her)
But in the last two years, things have started to change. DH's good ole sister started it by inviting BM last year to attend FIL's surprise birthday which was inappropriate, and then the small "family dinner" at her house to follow which was just DH's family and I, along with BM & her SO
Then this month on top of having to hang out with her at YSD's bridal shower, and at SGS's birthday party, then the 'family dinner' with DH's family at OSD's house to follow, all was getting to be too much. But this evening, when she had the audacity to call DH on his cell phone (got the number from someone as DH has never given it to her) to get directions to the hospital - seriously, she is now annoying me very much
I seriously hope she won't be at the hospital again tomorrow when we are there to see the baby. I don't think I can continue to pull off being friendly and congenial to her. So getting sick of this crap fast
What did your DH tell her
What did your DH tell her when she asked for directions?
He did start to give her
He did start to give her directions, then she of course couldn't figure that out but wondered if he could tell her SO, DH quickly said yes, please put SO on the phone. So at least that was good
Funny, when I spoke with BM's SO at YSD's shower last week I asked him if he was going to the hospital for the birth of the baby and he said no way....but apparently he had changed his mind. Not surprised after all BM's 'adoring' behavior towards DH at SGS's party/family dinner at OSD's a couple days ago. BM's SO didn't look at all happy during that dinner, guess he didn't feel comfortable letting BM go without him to hang out with DH & I....not any more comfortable than I did apparently
Does BM not have a smart
Does BM not have a smart phone or a computer? Who has to ask people for directions in this day and age? Sounds like a lame excuse to contact your DH. He needs to shut that nonsense down.
Exactly JustJ. Just an excuse
Exactly JustJ. Just an excuse to call DH IMO, guess all the "family dinners" she's been sharing with us and all the occasions we've had to socialize with her lately she thinks it's just okay to call DH for any old reason now, as she secretly hasn't gotten past him
Well, I can see some benefits
Well, I can see some benefits of getting along for the sake of the kids/grandkids but frankly, I'm glad that my DH refuses to be within a 5 mile radius of BM.
Your DH's ex pushes the getting along too far.
Yup, she is pushing me too
Yup, she is pushing me too far right now. Hopefully she will not be at the hospital again tomorrow when we're there...she pulled that when OSGS was born a few years ago, she was there for his birth and we went the next day when we were sure she wouldn't be there except, she had decided to stick around the next day because she 'just couldn't bring it upon herself to leave' and even while we were in the room she gave us not one minute to visit with OSD/SGS alone, BM was there for every bit of it
If she pulls that tomorrow, I know I'm going to have a hard time been civil
especially if she starts her nonsense with DH again!
I had a situation similar to
I had a situation similar to that. BM kept calling, text, ect. because my SS had a football came and she couldn't find park the game was at. DH basically told her, to figure it out because she a grown woman! She always is looking to him to solve her problems and hold her hand. It is really frustrating. We have asked her time and time again, that if it not directly related to wellbeing of SS do not contact us. We've even called the police and filed harassment charges against her!! Which did nothing to stop her. Finally, my husband had, had enough and went off on her! I mean, really laid into her. He told her once and for all, DO NOT CONTACT ME!! You have a question ask you son or figure it out on your own. I do not owe you anything! So far, she hasn't contact him other than to say she here to pick him up. It has been so nice, but given her nature, it will be short lived. It's almost as if she cannot go with communicating with him, and they have been divorced for over 11 years! My SS keeps telling me that she is trying to find a husband.... I wish should because it could not be soon enough!!
Persoanlly, I think you just need to remind her of the boundaries. Also, it migh be helpful to sit down with DH and give him your point of view and it makes you feel. He should have enough respect to understand that BM is crossing the line.
Good luck!!
Maybe you should invite her
Maybe you should invite her SO out for coffee, or a drink. Start calling him just to chat or to ask him a question in his area of expertise. You're all friends, right? }:)
The problem is DH not only
The problem is DH not only takes the call, he is really nice to her
DH still lives in fear of ticking her off, but for why I have idea!
The SD's are grown up, DH isn't paying CS anymore, there is no reason!
He mistakes my anger for jealously and I think he likes that, not jealous as I know he has no interest in her, it's the fact she is being so disrespectful to me crossing the line
Oh well, nothing felt better this evening than tricking her at her own game, leaving the hospital (where we went to see DH's new grandson) just as BM was arriving with DH's sister, thinking she was going to get to hang out with DH
Nope BM, not happening
your DH is the problem. he
your DH is the problem. he hasn't shut her down like he should have and this has been going on for years it sounds like. no reason to EVER speak to BM (unless someone is dying). DH needs to make a choice. you or her. this should have been done a long time ago. no more joint ANYTHING. set your mind to this being your hill to die on and prepare yourself for a split. you cannot continue in this "marriage" as it is. you will always carry resentment. and resentment is the #1 reason for divorce. your being quiet and holding all this in has given DH and BM to continue in a relationship that still has emotional ties. their divorce didn't finalize everything. the next woman in his life is who finalizes it (or in your case not). do not ever be afraid of losing a man.
I've made it clear to DH that
I've made it clear to DH that while I'm all for working together to get along for the sake of sD's/SGS's, and have no problem seeing BM at weddings, funerals, SGS's birthday parties, bridal showers etc...that that is it.
In future he needs to find out in advance if BM will be invited to any family dinners for his family and if so, then we're not going (and he knows if he goes to one without me our marriage is over)
DH says he gets it. I asked him how comfortable he would be if my family continued to insist on inviting my EX to our family get together's, and I know DH would not tolerate it for one second (especially because half my sisters were inlove with my EX and all think he was soooooo good-looking LOL)
DH doesn't have any interest in BM, but he does still fear her a little, and he also has one of those big ego's so would like nothing more than to think his wife and ex-wife are competing YUK, but, he also knows I'm not the type that will be all that tolerant
So yes Cocoa, this is a hill I will die on!