Worst BM ever Part 2

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Previous post for context: https://www.steptalk.org/node/226261

Hi everyone. It’s been a few weeks since I last posted here. Everything is at a standstill right now with not much improvement. ss continues to ignore hubby’s calls when he is at bm’s, and he ignores her calls when he is here with us.

bm is still making ss remove his jacket during exchanges. And ss just get super mad because of this. He spent the entire Friday we got him just snapping at all of us. It’s going to get so messy since we will be doing pickup/drop off at the school directly without seeing bm directly next week. It will be difficult to handle the jacket situation in that case.

When we had ss last week, hubby called up bm to try and resolve this conflict. He brought up a third-party mediator and she shot it down. Probably because she knows that everything she has done will come out. After a lot of arguing nothing got accomplished and they ended the call. Hubby told me it was like talking to a wall.

ss was actually normal with me and bs the rest of the week. He was talking more with me because if he needed anything he was coming to me instead of hubby. But he was really mean to hubby the whole week. If he is having a conversation with either me or bs and hubby came into the room, ss would just stop talking and go to a different room. And when hubby would ask him to come back into the room ss just ignored him! And if bs and ss are playing the ps4, and hubby wants to come watch, ss would just leave and go to his room. Hubby was so upset when ss did that. He just left ss alone this week because of that.

ss left last Friday and hubby had a heart to heart with him again before he left. Hubby told me ss started crying in the car again and said he felt stressed out . They hugged and made up before ss got dropped off. Hubby texted to bm what ss said to try and convince her to go to mediation. But she didn’t reply until yesterday.

We are assuming ss is doing the same thing with bm. Because she called hubby yesterday and told him that she will stop the jacket stuff if he gives her 50 dollars additional cs a month :jawdrop: .

Can you believe this cold-hearted bitch? I feel like we are being extorted. And worst part is hubby is considering it because he feels like he is losing ss. But we do not have that kind of money lying around.

Hubby is depressed this week again. And it’s frustrating me because the whole house feels depressing. It’s been like this since Christmas. It’s driving me crazy

Hubby is trying to force bm to make her demand in writing so we will have proof. Maybe fighting for primary custody is the only choice we have.

Because bm is forcing him to

Because bm is forcing him to take it off. He actually ran back out and gave his jacket back.

He wore it to her house, then

He wore it to her house, then he came back out and gave it back to hubby because bm told him to. So now it is at our house.

We did try and let him wear it, but bm is refusing to let that happen.

Your husband should

Your husband should absolutely not give her extra money. It will never stop. She will come up with more and more ways to get what she wants out of him (not caring how it affects her son) if she finds that it works.

^^^ This. It'll never end if

^^^ This. It'll never end if he starts giving her extra money now.

Our BM tried the same thing. She used to take off all of SD's winter clothing in the middle of the Tim Hortons parking lot......coat, snow pants, hat, mittens, boots, etc. She would never send anything extra that DH asked for either. For instance if we knew we were going to a wedding and he asked her to send a dress for SD, she wouldn't do it. So we would go out and buy a dress for SD to wear once instead of using one of the dozens she had at BM's.

But luckily, it's now in the CO that BM has to provide all of SD's belongings for her weekends with us. Your husband should see if he can get it put in his.

I feel the same way. I can

I feel the same way. I can only see her asking for more and more money. But her demand isn't even worth considering I feel because we do not have that kind of money to spare right now.

co says each household maintains their own everyday clothes (which we do). But co also says that seasonal clothes will be shared as decided by both parties. This language kind of allows her to do what she is doing. I think it should be modified. I can't believe hubby agreed to half the things in the co.

I couldn't believe some of

I couldn't believe some of the things my husband agreed to either. I've always thought that in high-conflict situations like these, the CO needs to be absolutely clear on every little detail and shouldn't leave room for manipulation.

My husband's CO says something about how he can get extra time with SD throughout the year "as agreed upon by both parties". So of course when he asks BM if he can have an extra weekend, she always says no and he can't do anything about it. It's like what your BM is doing with seasonal clothes.

They used the cheapest

They used the cheapest lawyers. It's probably a generic co from the internet.

He also agreed to pay for 50% of university tuition AND living costs and maintain a separate life insurance policy for ss. Saving/paying for these are a huge strain on our finances.

Wait, DH is considering

Wait, DH is considering giving BM $600 a year so that ss can wear his winter coat?! The good news is that the seasons will change, but what is BM going to make ss take off during summer exchanges? Poor kid is going to end up streaking to your door.

Don't negotiate with terrorists!

terrorist is a perfect word

terrorist is a perfect word to describe her. As much as hubby would love to pay her off to keep the peace, we actually cannot afford it.

No wonder the kid is upset.

No wonder the kid is upset. Right now he is literally caught in the middle. DH insists on sending SS wearing a coat and BM insists on SS taking the coat back.

SS should go from your house to her car or your car to her house without a coat. He can wear the one she has for him. He should go from her house or car to your car or house without a coat. He can wear the one you have for him. It is not going to kill him to be could for a couple of minutes. This way there is no power struggle.

There is no way you are going to get full custody. You would be doing SS a huge disservice to put him in the middle of a custody battle.

It's kind of hard to that

It's kind of hard to that when it reaches -20 celsius. We have been lucky that it has been a mild winter so far.

Hubby said he will be walking with ss to bm's door and let him take off the jacket there. And when bm is dropping him off he will bring the jacket to bm's car. It sucks but its the only option.

We are going to see if it gets worse before we try for primary custody. But the current situation is clearly not any better for ss.

I'm not trying to be

I'm not trying to be difficult - but if he is going from a car at the curb or driveway to the front door it doesn't even take a minute. He can survive without a coat that far at that temperature. Your DH's solution also seems workable - but runs the risk of a face to face with BM.

Maybe leave it up to SS? He knows the problem as he is the one in the middle, see how he wants to handle it.

we don't want to involve

we don't want to involve child services. It'll just make things worse. I think hubby walking up to ss and trading jackets is our best bet.

You can't fight crazy. And

You can't fight crazy. And no, do not negotiate with her.

You guys gave him a coat, let him know he can use that and skip using BM's coat altogether. That's all you can really do. Otherwise I wouldn't give this coat thing anymore attention. I'm sure SS just wants to forget about it and move on to happier things. And if she keeps wanting him to do this bizarre coat thing, he'll survive a short walk from the car to the house without a coat.

At some point you just got a laugh it off and make it more lighthearted for SS so he won't feel so stressed out.