Daughter n vegas..you can't get into the u.s. With a criminal record. This I believe is the real reason why vegas was cancelled *she can't be there!* he was looking forward to this for her! As he wanted to treat her to a trip! Instead of vegas now he is going to give her a trip here w/o baby so she can party!

Not gonna lie your comment about him n his daughter like fuckin me stung when i read it! Although it is very true!
I am on my way!!

(3 years together)
His son just came for a 2 week visit and brings his Dad a christmas present only! My 3 kids all had presents for him and they didnt get a thing from him! He's 18. I couldn't believe it. Apparently the son arrived here on Friday but showed up at our house on the Monday as he was at friends for 3 nights! When he did show up he treated it like a flop house, unbelievable! There is just no way I would tolerate that from one of my kids. Dearest Dad was ok with that! And dearest dad put son on his truck insurance so he could have a vehicle to use at his whim when needed! Bizarre! Daddy never said a thing to his son about not bringing anything for my kids, daddy never even mentioned it all he said was thanks very nice!!

Regards to the wedding, when we started to plan it we were both soo excited and looked together at all kinds of stuff, then a few days later he says well I have one request " my 2 kids have to be at my wedding".
To be honest when I heard him say that (as it was just going to be the 2 of us) I knew in my gut that vegas wasn't going to be a go, as his next sentence was "i don't think my daughter can go to vegas and I won't get married if she can't attend!

Ha ha i'm sure by reading my post I would definately be job security for a therapist! No doubt!

I'm done with this guy, I'm done with how he tip toes around his adult kids and ex wife (obviously). I have had enough with bending over backwards in the moment thinking I'm accomodating and building a life together, as we all know we try and we do these things to a fault as mothers and partners. I did this because I thought we were mutally working together to achieve our goal. However, please understand I see how poorly I am treated, my eyes are wide open and I am more or less leaning on "strangers" in a sense on this forum to help keep me moving forward, as we all know how our guy will lay it on thick to keep us as they need the convenience and the co-dependancy, which I believe this guy is very co-dependant on me, I believe he uses me as a scapegoat for all the shit that he encounters with his kids and life in general not because he loves me.

I am in a healthy mindset, i Reconize I am hurt and humiliated and embarrassed. I am accountable for feeling this way as I have allowed myself over the past year(since he left me and flew home) to subside and dismiss and downplay real hurtful conversations and actions that have occured, I didnt put myself through this shit for lack of self esteem, I didnt put myself through this because I didnt think I was worth it, I did it because life isn't perfect especially when blending families, its alot of work and we were worth it, its not a we anymore its a him and his precious babies.
When I asked about his daughter texting me as I couldnt understand how our relationship was any of her business, he said she was just trying to help shes a little kid!! She's 22!! I felt nauseaous.

I need out of this house and This relationship. I have started packing up and looking for places. He tells me not to leave. I can't stay I have run out of energy and passion for this relationship. I gave him the ring back.

He thinks I am bluffing he prods daily to know what I am up too or if Im moving out etc.

I keep him at bay until i have my place. I deserve more than this, and if he wants to be the stand up guy that he was to his kids when I met him I'd consider him. However, he chose his kids over his own happiness, they will never allow him to be happy he used to say it was his turn in life to be happy. Something happened somewhere where he stopped putting his foot down with his kids and have allowed them to be so intrusive and rude to me. That's his problem. Good luck to anyone who gets him next, i believe his kids will be even more vicious because he will not stand up to them anymore. It's a shame.

Yes i got that part! As soon as he said it, I said that to him. I said it was more important to him that his daughter was there than me! Btw he was having to pay for their flights and hotel in order for them to make it! Oh and spending money!

Unreal.

I am relieved this all came out before the wedding though! That is a godsend!! As i cpuldn't imagine marrying this guy now. I couldn't imagine what my life would of been like if I had of just downplayed or ignored that comment from him! The hell I just avoided is uncomprehensable!

I am so happy that I am not "desperate" or blinded or gullable to believe things would change or thimgs would be better once we got married!! I have to give myself that credit that I stopped a train before my life became a train wreck!!! Soo relieved!!

Thank you! Its very cathartic writing it on this forum and hearing peoples opinions. As its not something you want to share with yourfriends as itmakes it akward on them and puts them in a difficult situation. Yet I need to say it out loud if you will almost as if I need validation for my thinking! For some reason I have a feeling of guilt? For wanting better for myself.

I know when i move out he will ask why? And wonder what he did, and yet if i were to tell him he would twist it and tell me im making shit up.

I say whats the point of asking me why im moving out? He doesnt want to hear or make me happy. He wants me to put up with his kids like he does and shut up, he wants me to believe he is financial mess rather than admit the wedding was cancelled because of his kid.

Do you know I rec'd a text from his daughter the day before He told me the wedding was cancelled! She indicated that the wedding may not happen! Then the next day he told me he cancelled it....because he was fed up with me! Whaat?? I was shocked when he said that!

That is when I need ten thousand angels to keep me strong and to keep me forward.

I know I will not marry him. Therefore I cannot live with him its playing house. I feel he thinks "ahh single mom of 3 will never leave this is such a golden opportunity for her, I can have my kids and her and im the hero with the ego! I got it all! I can treat her shitty let my kids treat her shitty and she is weak enough to put up with it!"

I deserve better absoutely.

Absolutely!

I just don't know how or why people think they can be just so rude and mean! I really feel as though he took advantage of me!

I realize I have to accept my own behavior and actions and "doormat" character. However, he had an ulterior motive I only had love to give and share.

Unfortunately no, I have no one to go and stay with!
Even if I did I don't think I could stay with anyone I would feel like I was imposing!

i am getting my sh*t together and moving forward.

My best motivator is me!

when i look back on the stuff that has happened over the past year its easy for me to think he wanted to either end this awhile ago OR he just wanted to break me down into a weak insecure self doubting person so he could control me.

Yes! He did he left me and my 3 kids in a hotel in another province!

He went to his daughters at 8pm that night slept there obviously booked a flight that night and at 6am the next morning he had hos daughter drive him to the airport and bingo bango he left.

I discovered the text telling me he was flying home when I woke up at 9am! He was already gone!

This happened because I told him to just go and spend time with his kids who lived there(where we drove 16 hours) they couldnt be bothered to spend time with him and my partner was just acting desperate with texting them and calling them instead of just enjoying our time together there!

I regret not leaving him then

well i feel like theres nothing to go back too, i mean time can pass however the issues won't change. When i first met him he had his wallet monkeys under control and he let them know he's moved on in his life with me and my 3 kids. Those 2 years were blissful! As I could trust him snd support him when they came a cryin and pining for whatever from him.

Now he has reverted back i think to his old ways, i truly believe he was controlled by his kids the whole time they were growing up, i believe he feels so much guilt when it comes to them it succumbs him.

However, interestingly this morning I asked him if he confided in his daughter with regards to our relationship he said "absolutely"! Why wouldn't I? As if to convince me its normal or healthy!

I have no trust with him anymore as I have no idea what he tells her.... Maybe he tells her everything! And has been obviously for awhile!

I feel so violated trust wise. I mean obviously he never had any intentions of this going anywhere or else he wouldn't confide in her I was just a "common ground" they could bond on, that was a huge risk he obviously didnt care if I left!

well i feel like theres nothing to go back too, i mean time can pass however the issues won't change. When i first met him he had his wallet monkeys under control and he let them know he's moved on in his life with me and my 3 kids. Those 2 years were blissful! As I could trust him snd support him when they came a cryin and pining for whatever from him.

Now he has reverted back i think to his old ways, i truly believe he was controlled by his kids the whole time they were growing up, i believe he feels so much guilt when it comes to them it succumbs him.

However, interestingly this morning I asked him if he confided in his daughter with regards to our relationship he said "absolutely"! Why wouldn't I? As if to convince me its normal or healthy!

I have no trust with him anymore as I have no idea what he tells her.... Maybe he tells her everything! And has been obviously for awhile!

I feel so violated trust wise. I mean obviously he never had any intentions of this going anywhere or else he wouldn't confide in her I was just a "common ground" they could bond on, that was a huge risk he obviously didnt care if I left!

I am beginning to think he is natcisstic and passive aggressive.

I have bought many cute and pretty things for the house over the past couple years (as i moved into him n his ex's house) Everything I have bought he hasthrown out.
Today he said to me do u mind if we throw the rug out from the bathroom that you bought i don't like it!

So i Happlily threw it out!

Everything is out that was mine! The nice thing is we are both done.

I hope he is happy with his choices!

I am beginning to think he is natcisstic and passive aggressive.

I have bought many cute and pretty things for the house over the past couple years (as i moved into him n his ex's house) Everything I have bought he hasthrown out.
Today he said to me do u mind if we throw the rug out from the bathroom that you bought i don't like it!

So i Happlily threw it out!

Everything is out that was mine! The nice thing is we are both done.

I hope he is happy with his choices!

Hi all I just wanted to say thank you for all your support! Yesterday was a rough day, however it was very therapeutic as I realized how manipulated I was for the past few years, I am so greatful for this site as I can vent my feelings and situations that obviously don't feel right and sometimes I think I needed validation as being manipulated was causing me to doubt and question myself.

I cannot believe how much stronger I feel and how much more confident I feel within myself as I walked through the tunnel of denial! Once I started really looking and thinking about all the things that have occured over the past few years I realized he was out for power and control through manipulating my feelings for what gain? Who knows! Not my problem! Not my concern.

Thank you again to everyone, this didnt just happen over the past few days, I was thinking about so many things for so long and observing so many situations over the past little while, I realize now I was starting my journey through the denial process! It is a heavy black cloud and when I realized I started to wonder if he loved me, was when I knew something was seriously wrong,as when we all start dating and know they like us, we dont doubt it, its when we start to question ourselves that is a cause for concern.

Thank you all again. I feel like I can relate to so many of you on here, we all want and deserve to be respected and loved and harmony. That is all we want and deserve, yet some of our Stepchildren have no interest as they just do not want to be happy people.
They don't realize they are in control of their own happiness it is not up to anyone else to fulfill.

As the saying goes misery looooves company. I understand completely how the black cloud of toxcity when they are around or have even just communicated with our partners that day. I know how it feels when there is an elephant in the room and everyone feels like they must tip toe around it, as it SITS there and does nothing but emit negative energy! It's exhausting emotionally.

I don't know how to fix them, Nor do I think I care too!

I have too much happiness and love to share and those people are like teflon they resist it, it won't stick and its a never ending pit.

I am looking at a place on Friday!! Yaay!!

I confronted him 2 days ago about feeling like he manipulated and used me
His response "oh ya figured me out did ya"

I said im hurt, embarrassed, humilated and heartbroken he looked at me and said nothing!

He has been giving me the silent treatment ever since!

Haha! Ya its too bad as i would like to say he was a very caring loving nice guy. However I would be a fool as its not genuine its falsified to only further his needs and ego and motives.

He is unaware that i am looking for a place or moving out. For awhile I was really struggling with being like this it feels evasive or dishonest for me, I know I am in a sense using him until I find my own place I wrestle with this daily. However, I then say to myself he used me for soo much more and would of continued had I not reflected on things. I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. I don't know....

Thanks sandy!!

Thanks! I still need this forum! As Valentine's is Sunday and I'm certain he will use all his manipulative guilty tactical ammo on me!
If he doesn't perfect!! It would make it soo much easier, I will be leaning on all you strong women to help keep my strength up!

Well i got my lease on friday just looking it all over and finalizing! Pretty freakin scary nothing i cant handle tgough!

Heres an update since valentines, he bought me n my girls flowers aww that was nice! Im sure he sent some to his kid too as they were texting and talking throughout the day!
Later we talked and He asked me if i was moving out as he feels used! I didnt reply, I told him the rift between us is caused by him and by me enabling him. I told him our relationship is not something you discuss with your children I think that is sick to manipulate and play a victim to your your kid. I told him there is no respect from his daughter with our relationship if she feels she can invade me by texting me telling me that something is wrong! He said that he could not promise he wouldn't withold his problems from his kids, if they ask whats the matter with me im going to tell them!
I just looked at him in disgust.
He doesn't get it obviously, his daughter is wrapped around him and her vice versa, until he goes and soends time there and gets treated like shit and relizes he's just a wallet. Obviously it works for him and he likes it.
I find it interesting that the only people in his family that know the wedding is cancelled are the ones that are in contact with his ex wife. He hasnt even told his dad or brother he says he doesnt want to hear the why is it cancelled?? Makes no sense.

Anyhow, he told me if im going to leave that he cant stop me. So if im that easy to let go then i am glad i didnt waste any more time!

Thanks! Ya its alot of of drama and just plain bullshit with him. He said yesterday that he thinks the problems are because he stopped giving 110% and reeled it back a tonne and that it wasn't very well received! He said my kids are mean to him just because he asks them to clean their rooms etc. I can agree they can be tizzy when asked sometimes however they do it! That's the difference! I always remind them its ok to be angry its how to be angry. They have to control themselves and not ever be rude, that is unacceptable. He says well if you are my prize i can cope with them! I thought that was an assinine comment, and weak. Meh!
Time to start my day!!

I should of gotten out of this relationship when my gut told me too awhile ago!
Last year I was booking and (paying for) a trip for my so and my kids when so put a stop too it b/c his kid wanted to come the same week we were booking! Sooo we couldn't go as the world had to stop when he visited soo many of these situations have occured over the past few years, SO has missed my kids who are 16, 11, 8 b/c of his kids and them keeping SO busy on those particular days conveniently! I knew I saw a destructive pattern I guess It was easier to deny it to myself rather than want better.

i can assure you im not a spam bot! At times i wish i could be so i wouldn't feel hurt.

Regardless, I appreciate all thoughts and opinions thats why i post. To feel validation? Perhaps? Clarity? Certainty? So im not tunnel visioned.

I have tried to have SO go on trips with his kids he refuses,
He insists that I come if they go anywhere together.

I lived with his son for 3 years he refused to use my name or introduce me to hos friends, he would only introduce his dad as his dad and I was always introduced as my dad's gf (no name used).

No we do not have children together.