Opinions please? Can a man who is not a child's biological father ever truly be his father
I married my husband knowing that the child he called his son was not his biological son. He had met the mother when she was pregnant, at a low time in his life. His own children were starting to grow up and become more independent and he was terrified of not being needed.
He put his name on the birth certificate to this child, and ended up slitting from the mother while he was still a baby.
He maintained the relationship, fast forward a bit and he meets me. I didn't find out that this child was not his son until I had fallen well and truly in love with the man. He didn't even tell me, his older son let it slip while complaining about his father putting the birth certificate of this child. The child has not been told that my husband is not his father.
I tried for 5 years to accept this child as his son. But I can't.
I have come to realise that I do not want a life with children in it, but part of me can't help thinking that my husband could stop this.
I honestly believe that my husband does not love this child as a son, no matter what his claim. If he did then my husband wouldn't have even considered walking away from the child.
I know my marriage is over and it can't be sorted.
I want your opinions on whether a man can truly accept another mans child as his own.
It might just put my mind at rest... And keep me from going in circles with my husband
*hands tommar a roll of tape*
*hands tommar a roll of tape*
You must watch some weird
You must watch some weird porn ms. tommar.
He considered walking away to
He considered walking away to keep me.
He has also said numerous times if he could go back, knowing what he did now he wouldn't take on the child
Yes there is a 17 year age
Yes there is a 17 year age gap between us, that's never bothered me. The fact of the matter is I shouldn't have married a man with a child in his life.
I know in my heart that he woundnt actually do that for me. But I still think it will do more harm than good the lie he is telling to that child
Before I even consider that I
Before I even consider that I have to sort out my life, decide where I'm going to live etc.
All I know is that child will have a better life without me in it. I couldn't keep up the act forever, even though it fooled everyone
What's all this judgment
What's all this judgment about marrying an older man? The age difference isn't even an issue here, it's that he signed on the dotted line for a kid that wasn't his. Seemed like a good idea at the time but the novelty has worn off. Fact is that the truth will come out at some time and it will likely be through the older brother who will never claim him as a sibling. If DH is regretting his decision then no, he will never truly love him like a son. Sad for the kid involved, but kids often suffer for the stupid decisions their parents make.
Can a man that is not the
Can a man that is not the childs biological father ever truly be his father? Yes and No.
Yes thanks to adoption; he can legally be that childs father.
No in the sense that you cant change biology, he can legally be the father but biology is a separate issue.
Doesnt matter about relationship status with BM fact is he knowingly adopted this child by putting his name on the birth certificate and raising this kid as his own. He doesnt get to take that back just like men that have unplanned babies dont later get to go back in time and stop themselves from having sex. Life doesnt work that way.
If this man now walks away from a child he adopted then he is just as bad as a biological parent that abandons their child. This child didnt choose to be adopted by this man.
Personally I think it is wrong to lie to a child about their parentage, my BM was adopted, she grew up knowing it, I personally feel it causes too much emotional damage to get to 18 and then be told "oh by the way, we lied to you all these years we arent you parents" or "your dad is actually your stepfather/uncle/whatever" it messes up with the sense of identity.
As for marrying an older man, meh it happens, age gaps have been in existence for generations. Least these days no one can say they have no choice.
If you have decided against a life with children then you need to divorce and leave now. Because ultimately if he is the type of man that would walk away from his children (because from the way i read it he has one biological and one adopted) then hes not really worth all that much. To me there are few reasons to walk away from a minor child and it should NEVER be solely for the benefit of a spouse
It's ironic that when we were
It's ironic that when we were engaged his family were worried that children would become an issue. That me wanting my own children would be the issue
Because the reason he took in
Because the reason he took in another woman's child is because after his children were born he had the snip. So having any more bio children is not an option
Very eloquently put. it
Very eloquently put. it explains my feelings, (now I've stopped my I'm right hissy fit) as well.
At the end of the day this child has been lied to, and that will affect him. Hopefully if he is told now, at 7 it won't be as detrimental as if it is left later (I have finally made the husband at least see that part) so hopefully some good will come of the whole sorry situation.