My dh was out of ss24's life for a couple years when he was a kid, and has tried very hard to make up, as far as possible, since then. He always paid child support and fought in court to see him, etc. Long story, but we let my then 22 year old ss move in with us rent free after graduating college to save up some $ and pay off a little debt, get a car, basically get "started" My dh helped him get a job at dh's workplace, and for several months we gave him rides to work and then to see his girlfriend - sometimes driving almost 2 hours each way. We then helped him find ways to get around on his own...renting a car, doing carshare, and then finally got his own used vehicle, trying to nudge him toward adulthood and responsibility in baby steps.

We have a VERY small house (pretty much a 'tiny house', with an unfinished but cozy basement where ss is staying) only one bedroom and bath. So it has been challenging, to say the least. His mom lives about 20 minutes away and he would go there on weekends and help her with things - her condition to letting him stay there rent free, supposedly. We did ask him to keep his space clean and help with a couple projects, which he "sort of" did. BAsically he comes home, gets his own meals, washes dishes and spends the rest of the evening on facetime or the phone with girlfriend, and they are in that sickening sweet stage - baby talk, drama, ugh. We can hear almost everything because our home is so small.

Originally the arrangement was to last one summer, because he was going to grad school to be a chiropractor. (We already knew he would move back with mom during Chiro school as it is right by her house). So he made QUITE a point of saying he wouldn't be working at my dh's workplace long (like, I'm too good for this, even said to the manager he wanted it to be clear this was TEMPORARY, and was shocked to find out that people there also had college degrees because it is manufacturing). Then, he didn't really do his due diligence for school and couldn't start last fall after all. So, he had to swallow his pride, keep the job and we relented and said he could stay a while longer. No rent. This was last September.

Finally, we decided it was time to set a move-out date, and since he doesn't like change, we sat down with him in February and said we'd like to have the move out date be the first week of June so he'd have plenty of time to plan. He seemed fine with that. NOW, he asks my hubby out for a private dinner last night, (poor DH probably thought ss was going to thank him or something, lol) and tells dh that he is mad, that he feels like we are "kicking him out", that he can't say how he feels because dh controls the conversation (that sounds like a quote from the bio mom if I ever heard one) bla bla bla. Sheesh. DH adores his son, and has said to him over and over that he loves him, is proud of him, etc. He does NOT try to 'control' the conversation - I've sat right there and listened, but he does NOT just accept all the blame for ss's issues. AND he won't change the outcome or decision just because ss is having a fit. DH said he was sorry ss didn't come to him sooner, that all he needs to do is ask to talk, dh will listen. For goodness sakes, he's almost 24 years old now. DH just told him, it's TIME> You need to be an adult. THEN he brought up that my daughter lived with us for only about a year during college and that to be fair we can't just let him stay there as long as he'd like. SS didn't like that (he is the only child) at all. Said it was so 'subjective' - whatever he means by that. MY daughter moved in with us when her ex left her (she caught him with kiddie porn!)- she was in school fill time, working full time and a single mom - AND she paid rent, helped with utilities and CLEANED. So actually, we are being far more "fair" to him. But DH doesn't want to even point that out. SS has always been an only child, so he has no concept of how it works when you have to consider all the kids. In his world, it is all about him. bla.

We need our house back, our privacy, our quiet time without listening to his convo ALL evening. So dh, bless him, stuck by his guns.

I'm proud of dh, but sooooo disappointed in ss. Seems like he could have slipped a "thank you' in there. I don't expect it anymore, but usually I get along with ss just fine, and to have him do this is pissing me off. He seems to think of himself as a victim and that is just not going to serve him well.

So Here's where I need some advice or someone to 'talk me off the ledge'. I am very tempted to sit ss down and 'enlighten' him on a couple of things (how much more of a good deal he had than his stepsister, for starters), that it was stressful for US too, that we have given up quite a bit to have him here, and we did it gladly too. I am so sick of his blaming dad or saying crap I've heard him say to his gf, like, we bonded because we both didn't really 'have' a dad - bs! My parents both died when I was young - let ME tell you what it's like to REALLY not have a dad, because your experience is NOT THAT, trust me. They both want to blame issues on other people, fine, but I'm sick to death of it.

Or, I swallow my anger, try to just make it till the first week of June and hope for the best. grrrrr.

Pixie