I am glad you have found this community to be a help for you.

The loss of the blended family dream is like any other loss. The grief cycle applies and takes 2-4 years to navigate just like any other significant loss.

Take care of you.

It is liberating to finally say "no more", as it allows other individuals that are emotionally healthier to fill their space. Skids have made a choice of making dh life miserable due to their dysfunction and dh has chosen to dance with them. Unfortunately, because you entered their world they are trying to mold you to be like them. Your reactions is your soul crying out that something is not right. Honor it.

You expressed my feelings perfectly about my own life. It is affirming to know I am not alone too. Though I would never wish my situation on anybody, (like you, never realizing it would evolve to this state); I am overjoyed to have found so many well-meaning people/friends like you who lived it and live with it. On this site --we found our voice again, one we uncontrollably lost in our personal life.

I hear you lady!

You have more company here than you'll ever imagine, of course that's what this site is about; but again that's why all these people are on this site.

I basically understood the end of the happy family thing; I just didn't understand why it happened. I thought it was my fault and I could not, for the life of me, figure what I said or did to bring it about. Come to find out, my DH, who is retired (disabled), while I was working, providing us with health insurance, plus doing everything at home, was running to his DD to discuss everything about our lives. Some of it, I would not have minded, but they made a joke out of any of it. SD knew everything, and I mean everything; not even our sex life was sacred. Two years ago, SD wrote me a nasty email, spilling all the gossip, and threw DH under the bus; I went ballistic. It all fell into place, me being disrespected, all the passive aggression, all the private jokes. I was so heartbroken that I became totally a raging she-devil.

I lost it, called Law Enforcement, threw DH to the curb to SD56's house, just up the street. I obtained a Court ordered Protective Order, a Court ordered Property Possession Order, had the locks re-keyed, all within 24 hours. The orders were served the next day; DH was out of his comfortable environment. Yes I turned into a mad bitch.

Page 2 of the story: DH is back home, SD56 and SGD31 are not allowed in our home, while I am home. I set all types of boundaries for myself and am moving forward with DH or without him. I do not trust him and I have lost most of my respect for him. I absolutely detest SD for her email and I absolutely hate what DH has done to our, what I thought was a, trusted marriage (36 years). Our life will never be the same, but that doesn't mean that we can't rebuild, and DH is working at it. If he doesn't, it's his loss, I'm moving forward.

With all of this said, we had some wonderful years and made more memories than can be told. So it was good, but ended badly. My DH is at fault, but SD contributed, as well as our SGD31 (mother/daughter). I will never trust any of them ever again. I get along well with my OSS58 and YSS53; they do not interfere in our life.

I agree you have to go through a certain grieving process after choosing to disengage. But once you hit acceptance it is SOOOOO liberating! I will never say that SD will never be able to come into my home again. For all I know maybe DH will man up, inform her she is to respect me as his wife and demonstrate that his marriage to me is his first priority. But from what I can see the odds of this are very slim. Meanwhile, I will concentrate on my own personal growth. And the more I grow the more determined I get that I will not put up with BS from anyone.

Sammi, what admirable courage, and life story. You created the change you had to create for yourself and your marriage. Bet he thinks twice about his little private conversations now, at least. Sometimes HB's have to learn the hard way when/who to keep their mouths shut.

I have overheard conversations on the phone between SD's and HB.

And, oddly enough, for people who cannot stand us and have NOTHING to do with us (fully supported by me, not complaining), I was shocked as to all the questions they raised about us, as I overhead. (I can hear the voices way across they room, as sounds are very deep like a man-- from all the smoking whatever they could find both legally and illegally, since about 13).

I told him I want them to know NOTHING about me or our daughter, why to they keep asking questions? They care absolutely ZERO for either of us. Some people are just looking for issues to embrace and run with...ughhh..It is crazy. Clearly, they are not happy with not knowing everything about us either, even when they despise us. I do not understand that thinking at all, do you? I erase people from my life I do not like, seems that would be the logical solution for everybody. But, with SD's that does not make them happy either.

Nothing about us can ever make them happy, that is my realization, even with this...

Way to go!

I'm not grieving the loss because I've never had it in the first place. We're not 'blended' because they're all adults and live in their own homes. My kids only see DH's kids twice a year at Christmas and July 4th, and then we keep birthday celebrations separate between 'his side' and 'my side'. That's why I married a man with adult children, so we wouldn't have to blend our family.

I do expect to be included as his spouse in his family events, and likewise expect DH to attend my family gatherings. We are a married couple.

I am not engaged nor disengaged with the adult steps. I don't have a relationship on my own with them, just accompany DH to their functions, and when we would get together for birthdays, I would attend, but try to keep a low profile, and stay out of their way, letting them do the talking to catch up on all the news. I try to keep quiet and let them have their time, but I am present. They need to know that they can't divide us, though SD has tried.